
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/2379809.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Major_Character_Death, Rape/Non-Con,
      Underage
  Category:
      F/M, M/M, Gen
  Fandom:
      Shingeki_no_Kyojin_|_Attack_on_Titan
  Relationship:
      Levi/Eren_Yeager, Levi/Petra_Ral, Moblit_Berner/Hange_Zoë, Marco_Bott/
      Jean_Kirstein, Armin_Arlert/Jean_Kirstein
  Character:
      Eren_Yeager, Levi_(Shingeki_no_Kyojin), Petra_Ral, Mikasa_Ackerman, Armin
      Arlert, Annie_Leonhart, Bertolt_Hoover, Marco_Bott, Jean_Kirstein, Sasha
      Blouse, Connie_Springer, Moblit_Berner, Hange_Zoë, Erwin_Smith, Hannes_
      (Shingeki_no_Kyojin), Dot_Pixis, Mina_Carolina, Mike_Zacharias, Krista
      Lenz_|_Historia_Reiss, Ymir_(Shingeki_no_Kyojin), Nanaba_(Shingeki_no
      Kyojin), Grisha_Yeager, Kalura_Yeager_(Carla), Armin_Arlert's
      Grandfather, Oluo_Bozado, Keith_Shadis, Kenny_Ackerman, Original
      Characters, Hitch_Dreyse
  Additional Tags:
      Alternate_Universe_-_College/University, Implied/Referenced_Rape/Non-con,
      Child_Abuse, Substance_Abuse, Explicit_Sexual_Content, Triggers, Drug
      Dealing, Temporary_Amnesia, Hallucinations, Delusions
  Series:
      Part 1 of Saccharine_Wishes
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-09-29 Updated: 2015-04-19 Chapters: 20/? Words: 72124
****** Color Blind ******
by tyuoi
Summary
     Eren Jaeger has become a lifeless soul, going through the motions
     without any purpose in life, picking himself up after each fall until
     he starts to question if there's anything worth getting up for.
     After the night he met his college professor, which he can only
     classify as a mistake, Eren soon realizes that even if he can't get
     up on his own he can still accept a helping hand.
      
     --on hiatus until I figure out my own freaking story and I'm able to
     write correctly--
Notes
     Hey hey hey.. Ok so I'm a bit new at this so don't be too harsh but
     do leave comments and reviews so I can see how I'm doing.
     Alternative title "Eren you should've listened to that rhyme about
     stranger danger"
***** Bruised Memories *****
The cold, brisk air from outside was quickly replaced with warmth and the smell
of whiskey as Eren stepped into the familiar bar. Shrugging the hood of his
jacket off, he walked to the bar. Eren inhaled a couple of times and tapped his
fingers nervously on the drink-stained surface. Why he was here; he had no
clue, but it felt like the best choice due to his current predicament. Eren
shut his eyes and tried to calm his breathing. His eyes flew open at the sound
of someone’s glass being slammed down onto the wood. He scanned the room for
the source of noise and his eyes met a setoff eyes the color of gunmetal grey.
The rest of the man did not differ far from his eyes; he looked fucking pissed.
Eren started to fidget under the man’s unwavering stare.
“Eren?”
Eren swayed his attention to the person who called his name. Annie Leonhart.
Annie had been in Eren’s high school ever since she moved here with Reiner and
Bertholdt, those two never left her side, and after school ended Annie had
started working at the local bar. Usually, it was rare to see a minor working
at a bar; however, the owner, Hannes, was fond of Annie and couldn’t care less
about laws and their constrictions.
She stood there with her usual indifferent expression, cleaning a glass with a
white rag.
Eren cringed. Even if Hannes allowed Annie to work at the bar it did not mean
that anyone else her age or under twenty-one was allowed to set foot in the
bar. So, he could see why this appeared odd to the blonde in front of him.
“Hey. Could you get Hannes for me I need to talk to him?” Eren did his best to
pull off a pleading look but his nerves did well of getting rid of any
confidence left in his body.
She gave him one more suspicious glance before sighing and disappearing into
the back.
A shiver coursed through Eren as he realized that he was still being watched.
He turned to the man and sure enough he was staring at Eren with the same cold
expression before, holding the glass in his hand so firmly Eren was afraid it
would shatter. The sound of shuffling broke his attention from the strange man.
“What’s wrong, Eren?” Hannes ran a hand down his mouth and Eren could tell he
was irritated; he couldn’t blame him. It was the middle of the night and only
an hour before closing and now all hopes of closing the shop early were ruined
by Eren.
Eren ruffled his hair a bit before looking up at Hannes. Eren gritted his
teeth. “I kind of need a place to stay for the night.”
                                                                 
===============================================================================
 
“Why can’t you just stay at home?”
Eren avoided Hannes questioning stare and settled for looking at the ground
instead. It was clean, probably because Annie had cleaned recently. He wasn’t
even sure why the hell he came to Hannes but at the time who couldn’t think of
anyone else to go to. Well, there was Armin and some of his other friends but
if showed up at their doorstep in the middle of the night asking for a place to
stay it would surely raise questions. Plus, college started tomorrow and Eren
really didn’t want to disturb any of his friends sleep.
Hannes probably realized that he wasn’t going to get a straight answer out of
the green eyed boy so he settled for simply sighing, which had to have been the
umpteenth time tonight, and placed his hand on Eren’s shoulder.
“Go get cleaned up. I’m sure Annie will let you sleep at hers after closing.”
Eren cheered up immediately at the news and exclaimed a quick thank you to both
Hannes and Annie before heading towards the bars bathroom.
Hannes never pushed to ask why Eren was so deathly afraid of his home but Eren
was sure he had an idea. He knew he could count on Hannes; when there was no
other adult to lean on in his life, Hannes was always around. Eren didn’t know
why Hannes even bothered with him; maybe he pitied Eren since the first time he
met him.
It was a week after his mother died and Eren couldn’t handle the growing
tension in his house so he had run away.
Eren hugged the cool chain of the park’s swing set and let his head hang low
watching his feet dangle above the ground. No one understood him. No one cared.
Why wasn’t his dad looking for him? It had been almost an entire day since he
proclaimed he was leaving; Grisha had just sat there too consumed with the
drink in his hand to notice that his ten year old son had left the sorrowful
home. Mikasa had been shut in her room at the moment and Eren assumed she
hadn’t heard him or at least she didn’t believe the boy who could barely hold
his own against school bullies would run away from his only safe haven. Maybe
she didn’t care if Eren was gone and out of his life; after all, it’s not like
they were related. Perhaps this way she would finally be free and wouldn’t have
to follow Eren around 24/7 to make sure he wouldn’t stick his nose where it
belonged.
The sun was starting to become less and less prominent in the sky and Eren
started to wonder if he would have to spend the night on the streets. He could
go see if Armin and his grandfather would let him stay over, but they would
probably just take him home. He could sneak into Armin’s and not tell his
grandfather. But Armin being Armin would just go report to his grandfather
saying “It’s the right thing to do, Eren. You need to go home.”
Exasperated, Eren lifted his head to look up at the darkening sky hoping that
maybe the resolutions to all of his problems would be written in between the
white plush clouds. He heard the sound of feet scraping against gravel and he
thought maybe another kid came to play on the swings but when he looked over he
saw only a middle-aged man. The man was blonde and always smelled heavily of
alcohol and usually looked like he was about to rip your spine out at any
moment. Now, he was approaching Eren with a much softer look.
“What are you doing out so late, boy?” He kneeled in front of Eren so they
would be eye-level and he would seem less menacing. Eren pondered whether to
tell the strange man the truth but even if wanted to speak up it felt like his
tongue had knotted and his throat had become impossibly dry. Tears welled up in
Eren’s big turquoise eyes and he fell right onto a very astonished Hannes. Eren
hugged him so tightly, scared that if he let go the reassuring man would be
gone and would be replaced by the cool darkness of the night. The man pat
Eren’s soft head and cooed into his ear, “that everything would be just fine.”
And Eren had believed him; for the first time since his mother died Eren felt
safe-he felt loved. Hannes was right; everything was going to be alright. He
walked Eren home, Eren clutching the man’s hand loosely; no longer afraid he
would leave him too. On the way there Eren had spewed out everything that was
happening and Hannes had given him what had to be the most sympathetic look
ever as Eren continued babbling. When they reached the front steps of Eren’s
home, Mikasa was there waiting for him.
"Eren!” She ran and hugged the small boy fiercely, but soon her relieved face
was replaced with anger. “Where were you? I was worried sick.” All previous
thoughts and doubts of Mikasa’s love for Eren where erased. After Eren stumbled
out a sorry excuse of an explanation she let go of him and studied the man
beside Eren.
“And who are you?” She asked, narrowing her eyes. Eren explained to Mikasa who
Hannes was and the man kneeled and patted Mikasa’s head, much to her annoyance.
“Look after your brother. He seems like the type to get in trouble.” Mikasa
grinned at his correct prediction and Eren whined and with that Hannes left.
Eren had been talking to Hannes in the back so when he walked into the bar and
no longer saw the man sitting in the back he was relieved and a bit surprised.
Maybe he had left considering the bar was going to close soon and he was the
only customer left; maybe he left because it was three in the morning and
probably had work in the morning. Either way, the man was gone and no longer
unnerving Eren.
Eren pushed aside the bathroom door and winced as it brushed up against his
bruised hip. He rested his elbows on the counter and splashed water in his face
hoping it would calm his still heightened nerves. The smell of smoke tickled
Eren’s nose and he turned around to find the man from before leaning against
the back bathroom wall. Eren let out a small noise of surprise and his newly
steadied heart beat raced up again. The raven haired man was wearing a black
leather jacket that contrasted with his pale skin; he was holding his cigarette
slightly elevated letting the smoke climb towards the vent.
“You can’t smoke in here.” Eren said and, as soon as he did he mentally slapped
himself. Of course the man knew he can’t smoke in here and, that was precisely
why he was letting the smoke evaporate into the vent so it wouldn’t set off the
smoke alarm. There was something about the man that made Eren anxious as if he
was interviewing for a new job and had showed up late.
The man raised the cigarette to his lips and took a slow drag before speaking.
“You can’t be in here.” His eyes never met Eren’s as he spoke.
Eren supposed that his face was adorned with confusion because the man sighed
and began to elaborate. “You’re a minor, no?”
Eren simply nodded. “How did you know?”
“Because you look like a brat.” The guy’s expression didn’t change; he didn’t
even smile and try to play it off like he was joking.
Eren, for the first time in a long time, was speechless; he stood there
astounded at this asshole’s confidence. All he could muster was a pissed off,
“What?!”
The guy’s steel orbs finally rested on Eren and were now raking up and down his
body. Eren suddenly felt naked under the man’s stare and the more he looked at
the guy the less Eren could deny his attractiveness. But the guy’s
attractiveness wasn’t going to make up for how big of an asshole he was.
“You’ll do.” The raven crushed the cigarette under his boot and started walking
towards Eren. Eren soon realized that the guy wasn’t going to stop walking
towards him and started backing up only to be cornered against a wall; and the
guy kept coming to him.
What the hell was this guy doing? What did he want from Eren? Was he going to
mug him? Beat him up because he was a sick man and he was into that sort of
thing?
What he did do wasn’t at all what Eren expected. The raven had stopped walking
until only a couple inches between the two were left and smirked. Eren eyed him
warily awaiting some sort of pain to be inflicted on him for the second time
that night, but it never came. He opened his eyes that he had shut when bracing
himself to be punched. Now that the guy was close to Eren, which Eren wasn’t
too pleased about, he noticed how short the man was. As though the guy read his
mind he narrowed his eyes in anger and now Eren was sure he was going to get
beaten up.
The raven leaned forward and pressed his lips firmly against Eren’s, and once
again the brunette was wrong. The raven’s lips were cold and smooth; he tasted
like smoke and mint.
Eren’s body was pushed harder against the wall as the man maneuvered his lips
against a very confused teenager. Eren whined at the pain sprouting in his back
and the guy took advantage of Eren’s open mouth and shoved his tongue in. Eren
moaned in protest but made no effort to push the intoxicating man away. Instead
his hands found purchase on the guy’s neck, fingers grazing against his
undercut. Eren’s entire being buzzed as the man’s lips traveled down his jaw
onto his neck, leaving angry red blotches. The lips left his body and so did
the lingering hands and Eren found himself missing them. The man scoffed at
Eren’s reaction.
“Someone’s a bit impatient.” Grey orbs widened and were filled with lust
instead of indifference. Before Eren stutter out a reply, that, no he was not
impatient and that this was forced upon him and counted as assault, his shirt
was grabbed and he was thrown against the marble counter. Eren gasped in pain
at having his back and hips battered over and over again. The man caught this
and stared at the boy like he could devour Eren with one look. He quickly
pounced on Eren and pulled him back into a fiery kiss. He bit the boy’s swollen
lip when Eren didn’t let the man’s tongue wander the insides of his mouth. The
brunette felt fingers tangle in his disheveled hair and quickly his head
snapped back as his hair was painfully tugged. Eren let out a low mewl and the
man chuckled slightly before attacking his vunerable neck. He bit down on
Eren’s soft skin leaving red marks all the way from his jaw to his right
shoulder.
Heat started to pool in Eren’s lower stomach and he knew that if they didn’t
stop soon he would come undone. The raven grabbed at Eren’s bruised hips and
shifted his knee in between, pressing down on Eren’s growing erection. Eren
tried to stifle a moan into the man’s shoulder.
“Stop, I want to hear you.” The raven’s warm breath enveloped Eren’s ear and he
shuttered at the words. How could a complete stranger have this effect on him?
Eren started leaving small chaste kisses along the pale neck he pressed his
face into. Cold hands traced their way up Eren’s waist as Eren bit lightly on
the man’s earlobe which he quickly found out was sensitive after receiving a
low groan.
“God, you’re such a brat.” The voice was low and husky and turned Eren on even
more.
“And, you’re an asshole.” Eren gasped out playing with the man’s weak spots.
The man laughed slightly.
“Can’t argue much on that o-one-“ Eren used that moment to tug harshly on his
earlobe. Eren smiled at himself, prideful.
“Wipe that shit-eating grin off your face.” The man then pressed his lips back
to Eren’s neglected ones. How he knew Eren was grinning, Eren had no clue but
he was too preoccupied with the short ravens rolling hips to continue
pondering. The man’s sharp hips started grinding into Eren’s leaving Eren in a
moaning mess. He started to pull at one of the boy’s nipples overwhelming Eren
into overdrive. He bucked his hips up against the stranger, hoping to find more
friction. The raven responded to Eren’s pleas and moved his hand down to paw at
Eren’s heated crotch. He slipped his cold hand down Eren’s pants and grasped
his shaft tightly, causing Eren’s breath to hitch in his throat. Eren threw his
head back as the man gave a few slow tugs; he pressed lightly onto the head,
wet with precum. Eren let out a lewd moan into the man’s ear which made him
harden against Eren’s pressed knee. Eren wanted more. He wanted to taste every
inch of this man’s body but his wish was not fulfilled.
The hand in his pants disappeared and Eren frowned as the other hand and his
dizzying mouth left as well. Eren opened his lust-filled eyes to see the raven
haired man wiping the back of his hand across his wet mouth. He was leaving,
now. In the middle of… and Eren was still… Eren couldn’t form a coherent
thought to save his life and the asshole could tell. He smirked and ran his
fingers through his black hair.
“Wait.” The unbearably attractive man raised his brows at Eren’s demand.
“What’s your name?” Eren asked frantically not wanting to lose all connection
with the enticing man.
“Tch,” he started to push the bathroom door open, “not for you to know, brat.”
Green eyes stared at the empty place where his lover- No, where the stranger
once stood. Shifting his body into gear he pushed hastily through the door to
follow the man and demand a name but the bar was empty save for a very confused
and agitated Annie.
***** Nostalgic Green *****
Chapter Summary
     The one where Levi is constantly pissed and Hanji is a nosy butthole
Chapter Notes
     o dear god you have no idea how glad I am that I don't have to
     describe Levi solely by man or guy.
     ok well this is all in Levi's pov and doesn't have much Eren in it
     but I wanted to set the mood for his every day life and a peek of his
     past ^^
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Levi
Wind thrashed at the few ends of hair that poked out of Levi’s helmet. His
hands were whipped sore by the harsh breezes and started to feel like they
would fall off from frostbite; somewhere in the middle of (whatever the hell
happened in the bar’s bathroom) he had forgotten his gloves. He gripped the
bike’s handles tighter intertwining between different lanes, trying to escape
being stuck behind a slow car. Luckily enough for Levi, it was four in the
morning so the highway wasn’t as littered with drivers as usual. Flashing
colors on billboards dashed up into his field of vision. One was a vibrant
green one; something about the gecko and car insurance.
A certain pair of emerald eyes popped into his mind causing Levi to growl. He
couldn’t think of him; he was a one night fling-something to take his mind off
of frustrations. It’s not like he’d ever see him again. That is unless they
happened to bump into each other at the same bar; it looked like the kid-Levi
thought he heard the bartender call him Eren- came there often or was at least
acquainted with the owner and staff. Levi noted to never go to the bar again
and hope that the boy would stay where he belonged: in his never-ending, long-
ass list of drunken mistakes.
But he couldn’t really blame the night’s events on alcohol, considering he was
driving mediocrely well. No. Something else had intoxicated Levi to the point
of putting his hands where they didn’t belong; it was something about that
brat. The second the unkempt boy had stumbled into the bar, Levi’s eyes never
left him; no matter how many times he had attempted to. Maybe it was the fact
his eyes were so unguarded, showing every single emotion he felt. He was
terrified- that he could tell. But underneath the overriding anxiety that
plagued the potent eyes, there was a glint of emotion that Levi hadn’t seen in
a very, very long time. And the memories the jade orbs brought back were ones
he wasn’t overly fond of.
Levi found himself gripping the handlebars to his bike hard enough to make the
rubber ridges dig into the flesh of his palms and make his white knuckles pale
even more.
Once he got to the familiar parking lot, he got off and made his way to his
apartment.
After he stripped and showered he got into bed, knowing he would most likely
not sleep that night. He closed his eyes, hoping that insomnia would take the
night off for once; as always, hope got him nowhere. He started to drift back
into thought about the kid from the bar-who for the love of god could not have
his name remembered- when his phone buzzed, lighting up the room with a dull
glow.
Levi hadn’t bothered to check caller ID which was instantly regretted, when a
very excited Hanji began to scream into his ear.
“Levi! What are you doing up? You should be in bed! Your first day of teaching
begins tomorrow!” Hanji’s eager voice echoed through the receiver. Levi grunted
in annoyance.
“What the hell are you calling me for then?” He rubbed his tired eyes.
“It’s not like you were sleeping,” she was right there, “you are going to show
up tomorrow, right?”
“Of course I am. Erwin would have my ass on a plate if I didn’t.”
Hanji chuckled slightly at his comment. “Good, good.” There was a suspicious
tone to her voice that did not please Levi in the slightest.
“Hanji,” he warned, “what the fuck are you up to?”
Hanji gasped dramatically, “What would make you think I was up to something?”
“Because you can’t go three damn seconds without conjuring up an experiment,
which usually ends up with the people involved committing mass suicide.”
She giggled. Oh dear god. She giggled.
Whenever Hanji Zoe was planning something absolutely horrendous, she giggled.
The last time she had giggled Levi had ended up drunk and passed out on
Christmas Eve, wearing nothing besides, what had to have been the ugliest
sweater to ever cross his path, on Erwin’s couch; the game had been: how shit-
faced can we get Levi before he passes out and whoever takes the best picture,
frames it, and puts it in the most random places so that he’ll find it in the
worst possible moments, wins. Once he had found out that they had placed a
mini-sized version right behind his ID in his wallet; try explaining that one
to the traumatized cashier who asked for his ID but ended up accidently needing
three years of therapy instead.
“I have to go, Moblit will kill me if I stay up one more night working on my…
err-experiments,” she sighed, her voice calmed, “he threatened to throw out my
lab equipment if I got to work late tomorrow.”
“Did I ever tell you how much I like your fiancée?”
Levi could practically hear the brunette roll her eyes behind her thick
glasses.
“Bye bye, Levi! Get some sleep. Oh and don’t forget your lesson plans. That
happened to me once and I ended up improvising but then all my frogs got out
before I dissected them and they were everywhere. One student complained to
Erwin that she found one in her backpack; I swear that was the day I-
“For the love of god, shut the fuck up Hanji and go to sleep.”
Levi didn’t hang around to hear her reply and instead hung up on her. He stared
up at the ceiling and thought that maybe Hanji’s mouth diarrhea had tired him
out to the point he might actually get some shut eye.
As his eyes involuntarily closed and he drifted off into sleep, orbs the shade
of sea green burned into the back of his eye lids.
 
===============================================================================
 
“Oh, fuck no.”
Levi practically saw red as he stood in the university’s hallways gripping the
papers in his hands until they crumpled. He was shaking with rage; this was so
much worse than the Christmas Eve photo prank, this was just cruel. What the
hell was Hanji thinking- if she was thinking at all?
A very awkward and nervous Petra Ral stood at the other end of the hall,
clutching the hem of her dress in sweaty shaking hands. Her amber eyes shook
with fear and her lips were pressed into a thin line.
Levi felt Hanji clasp his shoulders. “What he means is that he’s happy to see
you. Right, Levi?”
Levi looked back at Hanji’s spreading grin and gave her a look that said “you
have got to be shitting me”.
“Hell no. I don’t want her here I don’t even want to breathe the same air as
her let alone whatever the fuck you thought was going to happen.” He said,
speaking through clenched teeth spitting out the word, her, as if it tasted
sour in his mouth. He loved Hanji. He truly did; she had been one of the only
friends who stuck by him after everything went to shit, but she had to have
held the title for world’s greatest fuck up. Levi wasn’t sure what she was
expecting to happen once Levi was presented with the person who he probably
resented the most in this world.
“I told you this would be a bad idea.” Petra’s gaze turned from afraid to
slightly irritate and never settled to look at Levi.
“Nonsense. I expected this to be Levi’s reaction.” Hanji spoke in a soft,
tranquil voice.
Levi shook off Hanji’s clammy hands and disregarded her comment; he took a step
forward demanding Petra to look him in the eyes when he spoke. “You’re damn
right this was a bad idea. Where the hell have you been? It’s been six fucking
years since you just got up and ran away- since you left me. So tell me, how
the hell you thought I would ever want to see your face again?” Petra’s guilt
ridden eyes averted Levi’s glare and looked down at her feet instead.
“Levi.” Hanji’s voice warned from behind, but Levi couldn’t hear her past his
wrath.
“Why are you here? I’m finally back up again, better than ever and now you show
up. What do you want? Money? To be forgiven? Because if you thought you would
come in here and I would jump with joy at the sight of you and immediately
forgive the fact that you-god,” he growled in frustration.
“Why? I don’t understand. Just don’t get it. Don’t you guys understand that I
want nothing to do with you? I’m done with that shit. I’m done with the past
for all I care it never even happened.” He got closer and closer to the honey-
blonde until he was basically inches away from her. He put a finger on her
chest. “Why did you leave? Why did you leave me? We needed you, I needed you.”
I loved youhe thought but did not say it out loud for fear that it was true.
Petra started to sob. “Don’t you think I know that? I had no choice, Rivialle.”
“No choice? You always had a choice! You could’ve stayed with me! You could’ve
helped me. You should’ve been there. For her.But you weren’t you ran away like
you always have. You’re a coward. You all were. Listen to me,” he seethed,
“look at me, Ral.” He grabbed her chin in his shaking hand and forced her to
look into his eyes. “I will never go back. You can tell Farlan to shove it up
his ass because there is no way I will ever go back there again. And I will
never forgive you.”
He let go of Petra not caring to see if she was still crying, and started to
walk past Hanji. “Write that in your lab journal, Zoe.”
 
===============================================================================
 
Levi had settled down by the time students started to roll into his classroom.
He taught through a bored expression but his mind never wandered far from Petra
and the dark past she brought with her. For once his brain wasn’t stuck on the
one track tape of green eyes and caramel skin, but now that it was he deeply
wished he could go back. But things were never so simple. Just like how in
horror movies the characters can never find the door that read exit, Levi
couldn’t find the one that escaped his past.
Most of the students wrote down notes during class after they realized he
wasn’t a fan of mind-boggling questions and few bothered to introduce
themselves after class ended. It’s not like he would remember their names
anyways. He had three classes all with around fifty enrolled students, there
was no way his mind could store that many names, even if he wanted to.
When lunch rolled around Hanji showed up bearing gifts, his favorite coffee and
scones, as a form of apology. Levi, very much disgruntled, accepted it. Not
that it was needed though. He and Hanji both knew that the fury that boiled
down deep in his stomach wasn’t directed towards her.
Erwin had stopped by after the day ended and offered to talk; he had probably
heard what had happened or maybe he heard Levi’s yelling from this morning
himself and had decided not to interfere. Levi shooed him off and told him the
day he had a “feelings” talk with Erwin was the day Erwin should admit him to a
mental ward. He packed up after that and headed home.
He long knew before he got there that unlike the night before there were no
chances of sleep and settled instead for a glass of bourbon and an old book he
hadn’t read in a while.
When morning decided to show he went for a quick run.
The air was chilling and autumn was starting to make its presence. It was far
too early for workers to be out and Levi basked in the pleasure of solitude. He
ran and ran until he reached the outskirts of Manhattan and decided to turn
back; the sun was starting to peek over the horizon.
Even though he killed the next hour showering and getting ready for work, once
he finally showed up to work it was still too early and he was the first one
there. He took this time to walk around and inspect the campus-they needed to
get better custodians was the only conclusion he came to.
Soon enough though staff and students started to pour in and his first class
started. The university was huge and consisted of three different sections on
campus: Maria, Sina, and Rose. So when one of his students stumbled in late and
halfway through his lecture, he wasn’t surprised. He suspected it was one of
the few who were absent the day before- seriously who the hell is gone on their
first day of college- but when he turned around to ask for his name he was
greeted with more than just another annoying brat. And suddenly he was able to
place the name that he heard, to the boy with the pair of green eyes that
haunted his every thought the past couple days.
Eren.
 
 
 
 
 
Chapter End Notes
     next chapter will be in Eren's pov. did you guys like having the pov
     from Levi? should I like do that in the future or nah?
      
     *if there are any misspellings or incorrect usages of words or
     something tell me and I'll try to fix it as soon as I can*
***** Raindrops *****
Chapter Summary
     Warning: there will be physical and verbal abuse in this chapter so
     if that triggers you don't read
Chapter Notes
     I had writer's block for 123% of this chapter so if it sucks I
     apologize (its also really fucking short omg)
See the end of the chapter for more notes
“What the hell took you so long?”
Eren stared out the car window, watching the raindrops race each other down the
clear glass. Annie’s disgruntled voice barely registered in Eren’s mind; he was
too busy thinking of other things to realize he’d just been asked a question.
What he was thinking of- that he wasn’t certain of. Too many thoughts jumbled
in his mind, one pushing the other out only to be eradicated soon after as
well.
The heat that had pooled in his lower stomach earlier that night had vanished
without trace and was soon replaced with an uncomfortable sinking sensation.
Something bad was going to happen soon; Eren learned the hard way that his gut
instincts were never wrong. When it would happen: that was the question. He was
safe for the night, but he knew the hours he spent avoiding home never lasted
long. The more time he was away, the more his anxiety grew, because the second
he stepped over the threshold that separated reality from hell, he was utterly
and royally screwed. Even so, the longer he was capable of prolonging the
inevitable the better.
He rested his head on the cool window and gazed at one of the raindrops roll
down the glass, sometimes slow and other times rapid, knocking down others as
it went; halfway it stopped and joined another traveling drop. They merged into
one and fell down the window together. Eren sighed. No matter how stupid it
sounded he envied the water droplet. It moved freely and was never stopped.
Hell, the morsel of H20 had managed to find companionship and find the end- of
the window that is- but the end no less. Eren wasn’t like that. He was stuck.
Stuck in this terrible dimension of his own personal hell and he could not run.
It’s not that he didn’t want to run he just knew he couldn’t. Eren could barely
manage doing what he could now. He woke up, went through pain, left, saw his
friends, pretended to be “Eren” (which also hurt; there wasn’t much left in his
life that wasn’t agonizing), got back home, went through pain again, went to
bed, dreamt, and woke up in pain. Then the cycle began again.
Even in sleep he couldn’t escape it all. The little sleep he was allowed to
have would always be rudely interrupted by nightmares and screaming and tears.
He would wake up weeping, his heart raked with anguish, his chest hollower than
the day before. It sucked ass. That was the only way he could put it. It all
just fucking sucked. But it was the life he was given and no matter how much he
wanted to, he couldn’t find the return address.
“Hey,” Annie snapped her fingers in his face, “are you done taking the hobbit’s
unexpected journey over there because I asked you a question one I totally
apologize for. I had no clue the answer would be this elusive.”
Eren grunted and muttered an apology. The blonde’s sour face softened when she
looked at Eren; maybe she knew how much effort it required him to do the
simplest of things these days.
“Well, I’m sure Reiner and Bert are asleep already and if you don’t wake them
up, you won’t get your ass chewed.
“You know one day you’re gonna have to explain to me why you’re basically my
third roommate.” She paused and tried her best to give the brunette a sincere
smile but it looked awkward on her stoic face; she tried at least.
“I will,” Eren averted his attention back to the window, “I just can’t right
now.”
“Alright, alright. But you have to tell me then who you were sucking face with
in the bathroom.”
Eren had forgotten all about the bathroom and the man that had occupied his
time in it. And suddenly he missed Annie’s interrogation and his earlier
whirlwind thoughts because it sure was fucking better than how he felt now. He
was sure he didn’t look to good either; from the heat that covered ninety-eight
percent of his face he was sure he looked like he had just spent the day in
Hawaii without sunblock.
“I-I well he was uh… his names err and I wasn’t,” Eren laughed nervously, “How
did you know?”
Annie smirked, “Oh honey, you were loud.”
Eren’s eyes widened to the size of baseballs and he was impressed that they
didn’t fall out of his head.
“That and the guy left like three seconds before you did.” She wasn’t looking
at him while she talked but her lips were slightly turned upwards.
Eren wasn’t sure how to answer her question. He didn’t know the man; he was
practically a stranger. Well, strangers don’t tend to do what they did. And it
wasn’t like he didn’t try to get past being strangers. It was that the man was
determined to stay as strangers; he didn’t even tell Eren his name when asked.
He obviously thought of it all as fling or a mistake. Either way, he planned on
not seeing Eren again. Maybe he had serious trust issues and didn’t want to
tell people his identity. What if he couldn’t let people know his identity?
Maybe he was a killer. Eren frowned at the thought; hopefully, he wasn’t his
next victim.
“I don’t know. I’ve never met him before, and I don’t plan on doing it again.”
He lied partially. He had never met the man, that part was true, but the
thought of never seeing him again didn’t settle well with Eren.
Annie scoffed. She probably didn’t believe him but that didn’t bother Eren. She
could think whatever the hell she wanted to as long as she didn’t think he was-
“I didn’t know you swung that way.”
Eren practically shot out of his seat. “I’m not gay.”
Annie’s eyebrows rose condescendingly. “Really? Because usually if you fuck
another man it means you’re gay, or at least bi. It’s all okay with me; really,
I could care less who gets you off. Just surprised that’s all.”
Eren waved his hands frantically. “I didn’t fuck him!”
“So he fucked you?”
“Oh my god, no.”
“Does this mean you’re a bottom? That’s weird the other guy was puny. Are you
into that stuff?”
Eren covered his face shamefully and continued to deny everything she proposed
in small muffled noises.
Annie chuckled. “Hey Jaegar, its fine I’m just messing with you.” She reached
over and tousled his already messy head.
“Please don’t tell Mikasa, or Armin, or for god sake’s Jean. I don’t know what
the hell that even was; I don’t need everyone knowing.” Eren didn’t look up to
see if his request was confirmed but he guessed it was when she softly patted
his back.
The rest of the car ride was quiet save for Annie’s barely audible humming and
Eren was glad; he wasn’t sure he could survive any further embarrassment. When
they got to the studio apartment Annie’s prediction was confirmed; the two
other males had already retreated to their rooms and were sleeping. Annie gave
him a small genuine smile before she left, one he hadn’t seen before.
As he lay on the beer stained couch and he drifted to sleep to the sound of
faint snoring he started to think about the next day. He wondered what his
first day of college would be like- if he got there.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
Eren had managed to sneak out of the apartment before his friends woke up and
silently cursed himself once he realized he left all his stuff at home. He
would have to go back unless he wanted to show up to the university with
nothing, and something told him his professors wouldn’t be too happy about
that. Even though all of this was true he couldn’t convince himself that
opening the door to his house was a good idea. His stomach started to do that
thing that it does when you’re on a fast rollercoaster and he wasn’t sure how
his key managed to fit in the keyhole due to his hands spastic trembling. He
took one last breath before pushing the door open. Eren never hated an
inanimate object as much as he did now and practically glared knives into the
creaking door.
He hastily made his way down the long stretch of hallway that led to the front
stairs. He looked to his left. No one. He let out a shaky breath he didn’t even
notice he had been holding in. He only succeeded in making it three steps up
the stairs before he realized someone was in the living room sitting in a
lounge chair. Fucking Jesus Christ he didn’t check right. Only one person sat
in that specific chair and he didn’t even need any light to know that his dad
was there, most likely with a drink in his hand.
“Where did you go last night? It’s very rude to leave in the middle of a
conversation. You should know that by now.” His father’s authoritative voice
was calm but cut through the air like an arrow. The “conversation” his father
was speaking of was like no other conversation he’d ever had. Most of the times
conversations consist of two or more people talking, not one person yelling and
pushing the other into a marble counter. At least that conversation wasn’t as
bad as the ones he usually had with his dad, but that was because he ran away
before it did.
Eren gulped and stepped off the stairs. Going upstairs wouldn’t make a
difference; his dad would only follow him and that would surely wake his sister
up. His quivering hand gripped the railing and his eyes searched the room.
There was no point in leaving again. Where would he go? He couldn’t go to
class; he didn’t have the stuff he came for. If he ran away again he would have
to come back eventually. It was better if he got this all over with and just
went to class afterwards. But something told him he wouldn’t be able to go to
class today. He sighed. He wouldn’t even go to the first day of college. Mikasa
would be pissed.
He clenched his jaw as his dad got off the chair and started sauntering over to
him. He was drunk that was for sure. He would probably forget everything that
would ensue in the next couple of hours and would wake up like nothing ever
happened. It was probably what he wanted. That’s how things worked. It’s how
they always did.
“Answer when you’re talked to.” His voice was now rougher and sounded nothing
like the man that read the paper in the morning as Mikasa made breakfast. It
sounded nothing like the man who taught him how to fish. No. This man was
nothing like his father. What stood before him now was a monster; nothing like
Grisha Jaegar. And that was okay. Because it meant his father was still good;
it meant he still loved his son.
Eren tried to reply but the words caught in his throat.
The hand that held his drinking glass rammed forward and connected with Eren’s
upper cheek with a sickening crunch. Pain shot through his entire body and he
fell to the ground caressing his wounded face. Tears sprang to his eyes but he
made no sound. It would only further anger the beast. A small trickle of blood
ran down his temple and onto his still quaking hands. He was surprised the
glass hadn’t broken but it no longer was in his dad’s hand.
His father grunted in anger. “Get up.” A pain rippled through his side as he
was kicked forcefully. “Get the fuck up, you disrespectful piece of shit.” Eren
made no effort to move; he couldn’t. His head was hazy and all he knew was
pain. It was everywhere and it was the only thing his brain could register any
longer. Another kick was delivered to the same spot and a small whine escaped
his lips.
Why? Why did this happen to him? What did he do to deserve this? He wished his
mother was here. She would make it better. She would make all the pain go away.
He could still see her caring face now looking down on him. She reached out and
touched his cheek, her eyes full of love and adoration. But his mother’s bright
face was soon replaced with a boot crushing down on his chest. All the air was
shoved out of his lungs and his eyes bulged out of their sockets as he gasped
desperately for air.
“Get out of my sight.” And with that he was gone. The monster that was
responsible for every living fear in Eren’s heart was gone. Eren scrambled out
of the front door and heaved himself against the garage door where he spent the
next few hours sobbing until the pain in his body was replaced with a more
excruciating one in his core.
Chapter End Notes
     I think I'll update every Sunday or so from now on
     Thanks for reading lovelies
     *if I made any misspellings or had incorrect usages of words tell me
     and I'll change it asap*
***** New Friends and Old Foes *****
Chapter Summary
     Eren's and Hanji's friendship is important ok
Chapter Notes
     I posted early because I had no school today yay
See the end of the chapter for more notes
The sound of tennis shoes squeaking against clean tile echoed through the
pristine halls of Shinganshina University. The university was freaking huge and
Eren suddenly felt the remorse of not showing up to orientation; he parked
outside the main office an hour before classes started and asked the secretary
where his class was after wandering aimlessly for half an hour.
The secretary, who had introduced herself as Nanaba, explained to him that the
college campus was split into three sections: Maria, Sina, and Rose. He was in
the middle section Rose; his class was in Maria… in the opposite direction he
had come from. Great. Just absolutely fucking great.
Upon hearing this he sprinted out of the office without another word to Nanaba
and made his way towards Maria where yet again he was lost. He hadn’t bothered
to ask Nanaba where exactly his class was in Maria and it had cost him
immensely. He grunted in frustration. Every single hall resembled the other and
each one was aligned with ten classrooms doors, but of course none of the doors
had the teachers names labeled onto them.
He was exhausted he probably had run a mile in the course of running between
sections. His hands found purchase on his knees as he bended over in fatigue.
“You lost?” The words were shouted directly into Eren’s ear causing him to spin
around far too fast for his body to adjust and ended up landing on his ass
staring up at a very frightening woman.
The woman wore square glasses that hid the enormous eyes that were now peering
down at Eren.
She smiled brightly at him. “Sorry, did I scare you? I tend to do that often,”
she rested her hand on her hips and extended the other to him, “Erwin says I
should stop or I’ll scare away all the students.”
“Principle Erwin?” Eren interrupted.
The woman nodded. “I’m Professor Zoë by the way, but you can call me Hanji.”
The name sounded familiar to Eren and he wondered if her name was on the
schedule in his hands.
“I think I have you.” He said. Professor Zoë immediately brightened at that and
gazed over his paper.
“Yep! There I am; your fourth class which means you’re headed for…” she
squinted, “Levi’s class. Oh goody, you’ll have fun with him. Just don’t call
him Levi or Rivialle or he’ll castrate you.”
She put her hand on his shoulder and started pushing him in the direction he
assumed was to this Levi’s class.
“Then what do I call him?” He asked curiously.
Professor Zoë pondered for a moment before answering. “Professor, I guess. This
is his first year teaching, so I’m not entirely sure.” They circled around to
another hall that Eren had passed what had to be a thousand times. Eren
supposed that Hanji was friends with the man which was why she knew so much
about him considering this school probably had a hundred or so professors. So
he asked her if his prediction was correct.
“Oh yes. We’re very close, although Levi wouldn’t like to admit it; I’ve known
him for a long time. We went to high school together. He was even smaller
then.” She chuckled as she reminisced. She stopped to a halt at the last door
in the hall.
“This is Levi’s classroom. In the mornings you can just enter through there,”
she pointed at an exit door across from his classes, “it leads right to the
parking for section Maria. So you don’t have to run around every morning.” She
giggled and as she did her shoulders shook and with them her ponytail.
“I can tell Levi that I was the reason you were late, if you want. He’d
probably just think I grabbed you and started talking to you and made you
late.” She looked at Eren with a sweet smile and he no longer was frightened by
her. He just met her and she was already covering for his ass. Maybe they could
be friends. That would be nice.
Hanji made an “o” face and reached into her pocket. She pulled out a small slip
of paper and handed it to him; a phone number was scribbled on it. He wondered
if she always carried around pieces of paper with her number on them and handed
them to strangers.
“If you need anything or get lost again don’t hesitate. Your lunch break is
right before my class, so I can show you around school then. Something tells me
you skipped orientation.” Eren grinned at her and nodded and with that he
entered his first class of college.
The room was big. It looked like most college rooms did or at least like the
one’s he’d seen on TV. When he looked over at the students he saw many familiar
faces. A little blonde head was writing down notes next to two gossiping
students: Armin, Sasha, and Connie. This class would be fun.
The teacher stopped scribbling on his clipboard when he heard the door close.
He turned around and Eren realized he had jumped the gun about this class being
fun, because fuck. His eyes roamed over the all too familiar short stature of
his teacher; it was the guy from the bar, and from the bathroom. And goddamn it
why did he have to have such bad luck. Well, at least he knew his name now.
Levi.
He hadn’t looked up yet from his clipboard. “Eren Jaeger, I presume?”
Eren was too embarrassed to answer or even nod. He just stood there paralyzed
like a freaking idiot as unwelcomed memories flashed across his mind.
“Are you fucking deaf-“ Levi looked up. Had he finished his sentence, Eren
would have thought he didn’t recognize him. But as he looked closer he noticed
Levi’s eyes roam over his face. Oh. He had forgotten about the big, gruesome
yellow bruise that spread from his upper jaw to his temple. Hanji hadn’t
mentioned it, so he had completely forgotten it and the night it happened. The
thoughts made him frown. He looked back at Levi. He looked like he was about to
break his clipboard in two; he wasn’t sure if he was mad because Eren was in
his class or because he was late. Maybe he was mad because of Eren’s bruise and
felt sympathy towards him. But that didn’t sound like Levi. He probably was
pissed because he thought he had a troublesome student who got into fights in
his class; which is probably what he should tell people now that he thought
about it. Since when had Eren started thinking about what was like Levi and
what wasn’t?
Levi looked different. He didn’t wear a leather jacket or eyeliner. He wore a
white buttoned up shirt with the sleeves rolled up and black suit paints. His
eyes were free of eyeliner which made them look less intense but not any kinder
and he wore small black rimmed glasses. Overall, he looked well, like a
professor.
“Are you going to take a seat or stand there like a complete idiot?” Part of
the class laughed at what Levi said but stopped once they remembered who their
professor was. Eren stuttered a bit, but turned around when he couldn’t come up
with anything to say. He kept his head low until he reached the empty seat next
to Armin. Two blue orbs stared at Eren with deep concern, but he couldn’t find
the strength to look or talk to his friend.
“Okay. We’ll continue. You better take notes because this is the only time I’m
going to go over this.” Levi pointed at the class with the chalk he had picked
up. His eyes never settled upon Eren for the rest of the class and Eren
couldn’t figure out why that bothered him.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
Eren had managed to escape the classroom before any of his friends even got out
of their seats.
The next two classes he had were filled with new faces and none had bothered to
introduce themselves. He roamed around the halls wondering what he would do
until his next class when he remembered about the slip of paper in his back
pocket.
Eren:
Hey it’s Eren
Unknown number:
HI! Where are you?
Eren:
Somewhere between the main gym and two flights of stairs
He hoped he hadn’t been too vague and Hanji would find him, because he truly
couldn’t find other words to describe his current location.
Hanji Zoë:
Ok I’ll be right there. Don’t move!
He did as told and how, Eren had no clue, but Hanji found him after
approximately five minutes.
“Okay, where to now?” He asked getting up from his seat on the stairs. Hanji
grinned and Eren wondered if she was permanently happy. Something told him that
when Hanji was mad it was not pretty, and Eren vowed to himself to never be on
the receiving end of Hanji’s wrath.
“How about we get something to eat and then I’ll take you on a tour around the
campus?” Eren nodded to her suggestion.
Ten minutes later Eren stood at the main entrance devouring the sandwich Hanji
had bought him. At first he refused when she told him she would pay for him,
but then she threatened to fail him on his first project which was why he was
now standing at the main entrance holding his half eaten turkey sandwich. The
school looked a lot bigger now that he stood outside it; not that it wasn’t big
inside- Eren had already learned it was. He wondered how Hanji was going to be
able to show him all of it in the hour they had.
“How come you’re not teaching right now?” He asked his mouth half stuffed. They
started walking inside and came across the office where he was this morning. He
hoped Nanaba was still there so he could thank her.
“I only have two classes per day: second and fourth.”
Eren frowned slightly. “That seems easy,” he quickly corrected himself upon
seeing the look on Hanji’s face, “I mean don’t most professors teach all day?”
“They do. I mainly focus on my experiments, so I only teach two classes. Plus,
I provide the entire curriculum for the science classes in Maria, so I get full
pay.”
“That sounds hard.” And it did; coming up with all the lesson plans for an
entire section of the vast university seemed absurd. He remembered about
something she mentioned and decided to ask her about it.
“What experiments do you conduct?” He wiggled his eyebrows when said the word
conduct.
Hanji’s eyes widened with excitement and she gripped his arms. “Do you want me
to tell you about it?” She practically screamed at him. Maybe he shouldn’t of
asked about it because it looked like Hanji was about to unload a shit ton of
information on Eren.
Out of nowhere a blonde head appeared in between the two. “Now, now, I wouldn’t
do that to him Hanji.” Hanji looked deflated to be discouraged by Nanaba.
“Nanaba.” She glanced back at Eren when she heard her name. “Thanks for this
morning. I never told you my name, I’m Eren.” He extended his hand to her. She
smiled warmly and accepted his hand.
“Nanaba,” Hanji whined, “Eren said he wanted to know.”
“Yes, he did, but that doesn’t mean he actually wantsto, and trust me you
don’t, Eren.”
Hanji huffed at Nanaba. “Fine, but we should continue our tour, Eren?” She
propped her arm for Eren, signaling him to take it.
“Okay. Bye Nanaba.” He waved at her and she waved back before disappearing back
into the office.
“Hanji?”
“Yes?”
“Nanaba’s a girl right?” He asked hoping he wasn’t stepping over boundaries.
“Of course she is. Well, now she is.” Eren looked at her quizzically.
“She was born a boy but now she’s a girl. That’s all there is to it, really.”
She sounded guarded all of sudden.
“Oh. That’s cool. She seems really nice, I’m just glad she’s not one of those
nasty office people that for some reason always hate me and insist on making my
mornings a living hell.” He hoped that would suffice as reassurance that he had
nothing against the blonde transgender. Hanji’s happy exterior was back and he
exhaled a slight breath of relief.
Hanji somehow had succeeded in showing Eren around the necessities on campus
without overexerting his body.
“Where are we going now?” he was sure there wasn’t much more she could show
him.
“We’re doubling back. Class starts soon, but there’s someone I want you to
meet.” There was a mischievous tone to her words. He mumbled out an agreement.
The person Hanji wanted to introduce Eren was the principle. The first thing
that struck him when meeting “the Erwin Smith” was his unnecessarily big
eyebrows. Like why? Why did someone need that much eyebrow? No the question
was, how could someone have that much eyebrow game?
The second thing that stood out was his height. For fuck’s sakes the man was at
least a head taller than Eren; he had to be like 6’2”.
“And who’s this, Hanji?” Although, Erwin was intimidating by sight he sounded
nice.
Hanji threw her arms around Eren and smiled a smile that could split the earth
in half. “He’s my new freshman!”
“Oh, you poor soul.” Erwin exhaled. Eren threw a look at Erwin that said “What
the fuck does that mean?!”
“Every year Hanji finds a new freshman student to claim as her own. It’s
nothing bad, I’m surprised you lasted this long. If you did it probably means
you’re a keeper.”
“Aw,” Hanji cooed, “but he’s more than that. He’s my new friend, plus he’s met
the whole crew besides Hannes, Pixis, and Mike.”
“Actually, I know Hannes; he’s like my dad. And I have Pixis for PE. Isn’t Mike
the creepy janitor that sniffs people?” Eren interjected, and Erwin nodded.
“Yeah I asked for directions from him after my first course.”
“See! He already knows everyone. He’s practically one of us now.” Hanji planted
a wet kiss on Eren’s forehead.
“He met Levi?” Erwin asked curiously.
“He’s my first class.” And I made out with him in the bathroom two nights
ago,Eren thought.
Erwin smiled and Hanji’s grip tightened and Eren found himself smiling. And for
once that day he forgot all about the bruise that covered half of his face. He
felt like he belonged.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
“Eren!” A little mess of blonde hair tackled him from behind.
“Agh,” Eren winced, “Armin for the love of god get the fuck off of me.” He took
deep breathes in between words; Armin had grabbed him right around the ribcage
where dark bruises were forming. It felt like being kicked in the same spot all
over again. He quickly detached himself from his friend.
“That’s what you get for ignoring me for last two days!” Eren scrunched his
brows; he felt guilty for avoiding Armin, he was it’s just that he was just
afraid that Armin would notice what goes on behind closed curtains. He really
didn’t want to have that conversation. Armin never noticed before, and by the
looks of it he hadn’t now; if he did know he would’ve confronted Eren earlier,
and with a fuming Mikasa at his side.
“Sorry.” He wasn’t sure what else to say.
“Did you get in a fight? Is that why you’re all beat up?” He leaned over to
brush his fingers over the right side of Eren’s face.
Eren did his best to break out a toothy grin. “You should’ve seen the other
guy.”
Armin looked like he was about to scold him. “So that’s why you didn’t show up
to the first day of college.” He put extra emphasis on the word first.
“Eren.”
Eren froze on sight. Shit.
He turned around, his hand on the back of his neck rubbing nervously, “Mikasa,
hey.”
“Don’t you hey me. Where were you the other night, and yesterday? What the hell
happened to your face?” She looked like she was about to make the other side of
his face match the bruised one.
“He got into a fight, that’s why.” Thank god for Armin.
Eren smiled innocently. “I went to go visit Annie the other night, and she got
into a fight with Bert so I stayed with her and fell asleep.” Lies.
Mikasa’s stone face melted slightly and she reached forward to embrace Eren,
way less painful than Armin’s might he add. “Eren, you can’t keep getting into
fights. One day you’ll go up against someone stronger than you.” Oh, but how
wrong she was.
“I know, I know. He was harassing this kid and I couldn’t help myself.” More
lies.
“Well you better learn too.” She started walking alongside them as Eren nodded.
After a long moment of silence, probably punishment towards Eren, Armin spoke
up. “Can I stay over for dinner? I don’t think grandpa’s up for my cooking.” No
matter how smart Armin was he never was able to cook a meal. Well, not an
edible one at least.
“Course you can. As long as you don’t cook for us, that is.” Eren reached over
to scruff up Armin’s hair. Mikasa laughed a bit. The tense mood had dissolved,
and it was all back to normal. For the most part today was a good day. He met
Hanji and Nanaba. Erwin didn’t seem like a shit principle, and Levi hadn’t
confronted him after class. He sighed, knowing that the second they got home
his good day would come to an end.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
“I’m going to be leaving tomorrow for a business trip.” Eren’s father said; it
was the first thing anyone said since Mikasa cooked and served dinner.
“How long will you be gone?” Mikasa asked bitterly. She always resented Eren’s
father for barely being in their lives, but at least he never touched her.
That’s all that mattered to Eren; that his family was safe. That Armin and
Mikasa were safe. As long as that stayed unchanged, it didn’t matter what
happened to Eren; not to him at least.
“Only for a couple of weeks. I will leave enough money for a month, just in
case.” He pushed his plate away and got up to put it in the sink.
“I’m going to go pack, you kids finish up. If you go out be back by eleven.”
They all nodded, including Armin even though he didn’t have too. He was
probably as scared as Eren was.
They plopped themselves onto the couch, stuffed with Mikasa’s amazing cooking.
Eren’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He dug it out: one text message.
Connie:
you guys wanna go to the movies tonight? that new doll movies out
Eren:
The murderous doll one?
“Do you guys want to go to the movies with Sasha and Connie?” Eren asked,
interrupting the other two’s TV show.
Mikasa shrugged and Armin asked what movie. He cringed when Eren told him.
“Okay, fine, but if I throw popcorn in your face then you know why.”
Connie:
ya that one. Sasha’s bringing food as always. you should invite Annie
Connie:
dont tell Reiner or Bert. the blond one scares me shitless XD
Eren:
Why not Bert, then?
Connie:
because they’re both giants and make me feel inferior
Eren snorted. He missed hanging out with his friends.
Eren:
Hey Annie, wanna come see the doll movie with the gang?
Annie agreed after some convincing on Eren’s part, and so he stood there with a
shivering Armin and an annoyed Mikasa outside of the theater. His phone started
buzzing in his pocket. Annie was calling him.
“Annie?”
“Hey, sorry I had to close up the bar tonight. I’ll be late, go in without me
and stop freezing your ass off.”
“You know me too well Annie Leonhart.”
 
===============================================================================
 
The movie was okay so far. Eren was only scared in the jump scares. Armin on
the other hand jumped about every five seconds. Annie showed up after the movie
was twenty minutes in, and sat next to Eren.
“Jesus, you’re cold, and no I’m not talking about your heart.”
She glared daggers into Eren. “The damn box boy wouldn’t let me in, babbling
about how the movie already started and the movie theater is full. Full my ass,
half of it’s empty.” She leaned against Eren for warmth.
“Well, technically it’s half full.”
“Shut up, Jaeger.”
He laughed and continued to watch the movie. The whole way through Sasha and
Connie were making witty comments making them all burst into a fit of laughter;
they received a lot of noise complaints, but at least they weren’t thrown out.
Armin alternated between clutching to Mikasa and Eren and Annie scoffed
whenever someone died or screamed. When they got outside the commentary ensued.
“That sucked ass.” Annie complained.
“What?! That was amazing!” Sasha countered.
“That’s because you paid more attention to the food than the movie.” Eren
retorted.
“Oh, we were talking about the movie.” Sasha said causing Armin to giggle.
“I liked it.” The little blonde squeaked.
“Which parts? The parts you had your eyes closed or the previews?” Connie asked
mockingly.
“Hey, at least he didn’t cry this time.” Eren said.
“I did not!”
“You kind of did.” Armin looked at Mikasa in betrayal and huffed in annoyance.
Eren said goodbye to his friends and headed home with Armin and Mikasa. They
dropped Armin at his house, cautious to not wake up his grandfather and headed
home where hopefully his dad wasn’t.
When they got there he was gone and on the table was an envelope labeled money.
Mikasa picked it up and looked at it like it was the bane of her existence.
“It’s not right.”
“What’s not?” Eren asked, getting a coke out of the fridge.
“That he just leaves like that, all the time.”
“We’re in college, Mikasa. Most kids don’t even stay with their parents.”
“I know that,” she snapped, “but it’s not like he was here when we were
younger. He was always gone even after your mom died.”
“She was your mom too.”
“I know.” She agreed sadly. He walked over and hugged her hoping she would let
the subject drop. She might hate having their dad leave, but Eren hated when he
was here even more.
“It’s fine. I have you, after all.” He smiled into her black hair. Mikasa
mumbled in agreement. They went to bed shortly after. Eren stripped to his
boxers and got into the comforts of his bed. His phone lit up as he set it
down.
Hanji Zoë:
You should come eat with me and everyone else tomorrow during break :)
Eren:
Who’s everyone else?
Hanji Zoë:
Me, Nanaba, Erwin, Mike and Levi. Maybe Oluo depending if Levi doesn’t kill him
first.
Eren:
Who’s Olou and why would Levi kill him?
Hanji Zoë:
O yeah you haven’t met him yet. You’ll see why tomorrow.
Eren:
I’m not sure Levi would want me to
Hanji Zoë:
Why not you’re adorable c:
Eren:
I don’t think he likes me
Hanji Zoë:
Nonsense. Come, pleasssssssssssssssssse!
Eren:
Fine
Hanji Zoë:
Yay! Ok I’ll come fetch you before you get lost. Goodnight, my little freshie :
)
Eren:
Night Hanji
He put his phone down, plugging it into its charger and set his alarm; he
prayed to the gods that he would sleep tonight. Sometimes he thought he slept
better at Annie’s; maybe it was because his dad wasn’t there. Or maybe it was
because there was nothing in her apartment that reminded him of the mistake he
made that cost his mother’s life.
 
Chapter End Notes
     Next time: Lunch with Levi and more fist fights except this time
     Eren's the one inflicting pain. Yay?
     *if I made mistakes tell me and I'll fix them asap*
***** The Color Red *****
Chapter Summary
     RED RED RED RED yeah that'll be mentioned frequently
Chapter Notes
     ahaha there was a power outage and I had no electricity for 2 days
     and my house was fuCKING 40 DEGREES BECAUSE I LIVE IN FREAKING
     WASHINTON
See the end of the chapter for more notes
The past is a rather foreign place; things are done differently there.
People are different as well, and unlike the present nothing and no one
changes. Everything is stuck in a single momentum- a pendulum that swings
neither forwards nor backwards. Because this is a fact and facts are pretty
unalterable, no one can live in the past. It is simply impossible because at
one point the past was the present and the present will one day be the past and
the future will one day be the present and so forth. Although all of this is
true there are always those people who try to live in the past or at least are
stuck in past’s nostalgic spider web. Eren was in a web.
It was not per say the past nor was it the future; that’s downright silly. No
one can live in the future or the past; it’s impossible. Eren knew this. Fact
was fact and Eren knew that this happened to be fact. It just is. Most things
just are. Seasons change because they just do. People are born because they
just are, and Eren- Eren just was. That’s all. He just was in every sense the
same as every other fact that plagued this universe.
But since when has Eren been one to listen to facts. Since: never. The very
millisecond Eren shot out of Carla Jaeger’s womb the world knew, it just knew,
that Eren was one of the rare one’s who would attempt at changing fact into
opinion.
So yes, Eren did try to live in the past. He tried to recreate every memory of
his mother’s sweet caresses and his families Christmas dinners and how much he
hated going to church on Sunday mornings. Oh did he try. But he couldn’t. Just
like he couldn’t jump back into the past nor could he jump into the future, he
could not live in the present. Not really. Not in his sense of living. Clearly,
he was existing in the present but he was not living. The past and present
seemed to jumble into one big smeared mess that passed by him without his
consent while he stood unable to move. The world also knew that Eren would
never succeed in changing what was factual, but that bastard never bothered to
mention it to him.
He realized all of this while standing in line for coffee with Armin on the
last day of the work week. It was too much to digest so early in the morning.
So much so that when he put his drink to his lips he didn’t realize it was
heated up to Satan’s body temperature until it was too late.
Armin gave him a rather bizarre look as Eren choked and tears welled in his
eyes.
“Eren,” Eren looked over at Armin’s smug face, “the coffee’s hot by the way.”
Eren shot him a death glare as he wiped his lips with the back of his hand.
“Thanks,” he said putting as much animosity in the one word. They walked in a
comfortable silence to the college as they both carefully sipped at their
lattes.
“It’s getting cold.” Armin moved his thick scarf to shield his mouth.
Eren nodded. “It’s pretty early too.” Armin added. Eren nodded again in
agreement. Even though his mind was rather chatty he himself was not in the
mood. Every time he moved his jaw to speak or eat a shock of pain went straight
to his temple. The bruise that adorned his face was still fresh and sore and
very much new and it was determined to let Eren know. He shivered- not because
of the cold- and brought the coffee cup back to his lips; he can’t live in the
past so he might as well not visit it either.
The two boys walked in silence the rest of the way, not being able to find a
subject worthy discussing over. Armin was probably busy concentrating on not
turning into a little blonde Popsicle. When Eren looked over at him his gloved
hands were trembling, and Eren assumed that it was the weathers fault, but
there was something wrong. Armin always talked; literally never stopped talking
and Eren usually had trouble silencing his friend when he went off about
something he researched. Maybe he just wasn’t in the mood to talk like Eren
wasn’t, which is completely feasible, but he couldn’t mistake Armin’s blue orbs
gradually widening with fear as they neared the campus.
He probably had a test or something of the sorts; who knew with all the AP
classes he took. Armin was most likely fretting over failing which was
ridiculous because the boy was a freaking genius and Eren was basically ready
to volunteer him as the nation’s next president. If Mikasa was here she would
most likely coax Armin into talking and telling her what was up with his
anxiety, whether he wanted to or not. But she wasn’t, and Eren couldn’t bring
himself to speak up. He was already tormented with his own fear, how he could
possibly understand Armin’s. The two fears stood on two utterly different
scales, and it wasn’t that Eren didn’t care- if anything he cared too much- but
in his mind two equally terrified people talking about their problems didn’t
seem like it would end well.
Eren was the type of person who fed off of other’s emotions, and if he talked
to Armin he would end up twice as bad as he already was. That and he didn’t
feel like worrying about a test he didn’t even have.
He sighed as they neared the school.
The end of the parking lot for section Maria was virtually empty, but as they
started edging closer and closer to the entrance cars started filling more and
more of their designated slots. Eren was too caught up to notice when they
passed one particular car that had several jocks leaning against it, that Armin
had screwed his eyes shut. A few unearthly cackles escaped the men behind them
and Eren was about to turn around and ask them what the fuck their deal was
when he was smacked with a few words he wasn’t very fond of.
“Hey, it’s the little gay boy from gym. Where do you think you’re going, fag?”
Eren barely had enough time to register who the words were directed to before
the thick, tall asshole was in Eren’s face.
“Is this your little boyfriend?” Oh Jesus Christ did this guy needed some damn
mints to chew on, because the smell that swamped Eren’s senses was closer to a
morgue than morning breathe.
Before he could speak up and defend Armin the asshole pushed a bit too harshly
against Eren’s chest and he stumbled backward into a wall of meaty hands. His
coffee fell to the ground in the commotion, and the concreate was now covered
in a light brown.
The morgue man, Eren didn’t know his name so he settled for his nice morning
breathe, slicked his already very greasy hair back with one hand, and grabbed
Armin’s jacket collar with the other.
“I’m sorry; did you forget our little meeting? Just because you brought pretty
boy over here doesn’t mean it’s canceled.” Morgue man spat at Armin with a
thick Bronx accent and a wide grin plastered his pasty white face. Eren lurched
forward but two guys behind him restrained his movement.
This was why Armin was nervous walking here today. It wasn’t because of a
stupid test it was because he knew this asshole and his little entourage were
here to greet him. Eren mentally slapped himself. He should’ve asked him what
was wrong and then they could’ve taken the long way around and avoided all of
this. Yeah, they would’ve been late to class but at least Eren could’ve kept
Armin safe. He certainly couldn’t now.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. This always happen. I always get people hurt. It’s
always my damn fault.
No matter what the situation was Eren was never able to avoid hurting the
people he loved, even if it wasn’t directly from him there was always something
he could’ve done. Eren burned with rage and he started to shake in anticipation
of slamming his fist into morgue man. The hands on his biceps started loosening
but they still held strong and prevented Eren from moving further.
I have to get there. I have to save him.
Morgue man laughed one more time before he slammed Armin down hard on the
concrete. Armin gasped out in pain, and it only fueled his attacker’s
amusement. Morgue man turned slowly in a circle marveling at the small group of
people that had surrounded the commotion. He turned back to Armin and the grin
slipped off his face. He looked down at Armin much like a boy would look at his
broken toy. He crouched next to Eren’s friend and said a few words that Eren
was barely able to catch.
“Get up. Get up you piece of shit.”
Get up. Get up you piece of shit. The words played in Eren’s head like a
mantra.
“Get the fuck up, you disrespectful piece of shit.”
No. Morgue man can’t say that to Armin. He can’t. It wasn’t allowed. Those were
words reserved solely for Eren; there were only shared in his home in the dark
between him and the monster that lived with him. They weren’t supposed to
escape hell and seep into reality. No. Morgue man can’t say this to Armin. But
he did.
Eren looked back at the scenario; everything seemed heightened now as if
someone had just handed him his pair of glasses that he had dropped. And
suddenly the hands that immobilized him were no longer there and he was making
his way towards the gruesome figure crouching over Armin.
He took the back of the guy’s leather jacket in his hand and hauled him to his
feet. The guy scattered his way up not anticipating being attacked from behind
or attacked at all for that matter. He looked at Eren with wild crazy eyes
before he fixed his old sickening grin back on his face.
“What are you going to do, pretty boy?” He leaned in closer to Eren, and that
was a big mistake because Eren took that moment to swing his fist out and sock
the guy right in the jaw. Shock dwelled on the guy’s features before Eren swung
with his left hand and delivered another blow to the man. Blood started pouring
out of morgue man’s nose, and Eren’s hands felt like they were on fire but he
didn’t care. If anything he liked the burning sensation; it kept him in focus,
with the right pair of lenses on. He kicked his leg out under the guy’s legs
sweeping him out from under his feet and causing him to fall on his back.
Eren would have to thank Annie later for kicking his ass during the summer and
showing him that trick.
He got on top of the man again before he had time to adjust and started
pummeling his fists over and over the bloody canvas in front of him; he didn’t
know exactly what he was doing or were Armin even was. He didn’t know where
anyone was really; he just felt the immense anger that spread red throughout
his vision.
Eren thought he heard someone pleading him to stop but the rush of blood that
surged into his ears canceled out all the noise around him. Eren mostly just
felt at this point; he didn’t see or hear he just felt like he was a wild
animal guided by its predatory instincts.
Eren wondered where he retreated to in these moments. It had happened to him
before- where he would lose all sense of control and attack someone, and in the
process he lost himself and was replaced with his “alternate ego” crazy blood-
lusted Eren.
Or maybe he didn’t retreat. Maybe he resurfaced as his real and true self- a
monster. He smiled to himself. He was just like his father.
His father.
The thought only angered him further and he started hitting harder, hitting
faster, when a pair of strong hands pulled at his shoulders and heaved him
upwards. The last thing his mind registered was the spillage of his brown
coffee mixing with a larger, dominant stream of the color red.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
Levi
Something pummeled into Levi as he groggily made his way down the empty hallway
with his cup of coffee. He stared at the blonde blob that ran past him, leaving
Levi standing awkwardly in the hall with a spilled coffee mug that he looked at
like it had offended him.
“Oi, you little mushroom!” The kid halted to a stop and swiveled around with
two big blue eyes wide with fear. His cheeks were red and slightly scraped.
“What the fuck are you doing running around at godly hours, spilling my coffee
in the process?” Levi spoke rather calmly; yeah, he was pissed his coffee was
spilled, but the kid looked like he was going to shit his pants. He probably
wasn’t going to finish the coffee anyway.
“Are you a professor?” The boy asked waving his hands frantically. Levi nodded
slowly wondering if he should reveal his status or not and slip away from his
responsibilities. The little blonde boy grabbed at Levi and started pushing him
down the hall towards the parking lot door.
“Whoa, whoa I need to know where we’re going and why before you kidnap me.” He
told the boy but made no effort to stop him.
“Armin Arlert. My idiot friend is in a fight because he was standing up for me
and he’s practically beating the guy to death and I didn’t know what to do and
god I should’ve told Eren but I-“
Levi cut the boy, Armin, off before he kept blabbering with a wave of his hand.
“This friend of yours, Eren, does he happen to be tall with constant bed head
and obnoxious green eyes?” Levi asked Armin trying to recall as many memories
of Eren Jaeger-which wasn’t to difficult because he saw the brat every day.
Arlert nodded and pushed through the exit door. It took Levi a few seconds
before his eyes were able to take in all the morning light and see the tumult
in the parking lot.
There was a massive crowd of students surrounding what he supposed was the
fight Eren was in. He sighed and made his way through the kids yelling at them
“to not fucking touch or for god sakes cough on him”. Once he broke through the
wall, grunts and the sound of fists coming in contact with bone reached his
ears. He moved forward in worry, but hesitated once he realized that Eren was
the one inflicting pain and not the other way around. He wasn’t sure what to
do. He had never broken up a fight before; he had joined some or was in them
but never stopped one. He couldn’t even really consider this as a fight; it was
completely one-sided and if he didn’t do anything soon it would be murder.
He reached forward and grabbed Eren’s shoulders pealing him off of the boy/
corpse like a Band-Aid. At some point other teachers had arrived and were
tending to the bloodied boy on the ground. No one paid attention to Eren; it
was if as soon as Levi had gotten him out he had disappeared from the crowds
view. He was fine with that. This way he could get Eren away and do something
like knock some sense into him. He glanced one more time at the other boy; he
was unconscious, and his greasy black hair was matted with blood, but he seemed
like he would be fine. The face bleeds a lot, and Levi knew it looked a lot
worse than it actually was. He averted his attention to the weight that had
slumped in his arms.
He turned Eren in his arms and looked at him, inspecting for any injuries. He
had none, except for the bleeding knuckles, but that was the brat’s fault.
Fear struck Levi. Eren was crying. Not sobbing uncontrollably or anything
pathetic; he just had tears streaming down his impassive expression as if they
were a part of his face. Eren wasn’t even looking at Levi. He was just staring
off into nowhere and crying.
Shit.The first thing that came to mind was that he had hit his head and was
suffering a brain injury, but when Levi reached and softly patted the back of
Eren’s head he felt nothing. No bump no wet blood no nothing. Okay this is
getting ridiculous.
He took Eren’s chin in his hand a bit too harshly and forced the boy to look
into his eyes. His touch softened immediately. When Levi looked into Eren’s
eyes he didn’t see what was expected: anger or rage. His turquoise orbs were
swimming with emotion, but for the most part he looked sad. No he looked worse
than just sad he looked broken. And suddenly, Levi felt a pang of anger twist
at his heart and he wanted to kill whoever it was who had caused Eren the pain
that was so evident in his features.
This kid wasn’t going to talk anytime soon, and Levi wasn’t sure he wanted to
make him. He was scared- which was not a frequent emotion he felt- that
anything he said would send the kid over the edge and he would go jump off a
bridge when he got home. So, he dragged Eren, and along the way found Armin,
and started heading towards the principal’s office.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
“You’re saying you want to expel the brat?” Levi sat tentatively in Erwin’s
office accompanied by a very nervous blonde bobble head, a surprisingly silent
Eren, and Hanji. Levi had no clue what Hanji was even doing in Erwin’s office
when he walked in with the two boys or why she stayed but there she was. She
sat on the front of Erwin’s desk much to his displeasure, twiddling her thumbs
and looking up once in a while to observe the conversation.
“No,” Erwin leaned back in his unnecessarily huge leather chair and took a few
seconds to think before continuing.
I don’t want to expel him. It wouldn’t look very good for the school or for
Eren if he’s expelled in the first week, but he won’t go unpunished.”
Levi scoffed and crossed his arms. “What are you going to do with him then?”
Erwin raised an eyebrow taking note of how much attention Levi was paying to
the certain teenager. Normally, Levi wouldn’t break up fights; he wouldn’t risk
getting dirty or simply didn’t care enough to. Erwin would’ve thought he would
just walk away and inform someone else so that they could deal with it.
That was what was expected. Hell, that’s even what Levi would have expected
from himself, but expectations aren’t always fulfilled.
“I’m not quite sure. What do you propose?” Erwin leaned into his desk and Levi
leaned back in his chair. It was reflexive; nothing personal, and Erwin knew
that. Levi looked over at Eren for the first time since the fight and
contemplated his answer.
The kid hadn’t moved an inch since he had plopped himself down in the
uncomfortable office chair. He sat there, hands in lap, head down, and eyes
hazed over with detachment. He was completely out of it and disinterested in
his possible expulsion. His battered hands were peeling and blood was trickling
onto his dark jeans.
Levi had never wanted more to be able to get into someone’s brain than now. He
wanted to know what Eren Jaeger was thinking- if he was thinking anything at
all. He wanted to know what he was feeling. Was it remorse or despair? Was it
pride? Most of all, Levi wanted to know how to fix whatever it was that had
cracked in the young kid’s mind. He didn’t necessarily wantto fix him. He just
wanted to know how to for the pure sake of knowing how.
Levi had never been one who was able to jump into the unknown or take risks; he
down right hated the unknown. It wasn’t daunting to him like most. It was
bothersome. Mysteries and enigmas were bothersome.
Eren Jaeger was bothersome.
“We could make him work after hours with Hanji.” Levi joked after not being
able to come up with an actual notable idea.
“That’s not bad,” the corner of Erwin’s lip quirked upwards, “I guess, you’ll
be working with Hanji then.” He directed his words to Eren.
Hanji jolted at her name and clapped with glee. “Oh, how fantastic!” She jumped
off the desk and put her hands gently on Eren’s shoulders causing him to look
up. His eyes weren’t wavering with emotion as usual, they looked like blank
slates, and suddenly Levi understood the attraction that Eren’s eyes had. It
wasn’t the color, although rare, it was the emotions he carried behind them;
the ones that made him lively.
“That’s just cruel.” Levi said averting his attention.
“So, you’re not expelling or suspending Eren?” It was the first thing to come
out of Arlert’s mouth during the whole ordeal. His eyes brightened with hope
when Erwin nodded his reply. He reached over and squeezed Eren’s lifeless tan
hand.
“Only if it is okay with Eren, that is. Although, I wouldn’t see why he would
refuse.” Erwin added.
“It’s fine.” Eren’s voice came out steady and calm to match his exterior, and
it unnerved Levi.
“I don’t think you’ll be saying that after spending enough time with shitty
glasses.” He looked over at Eren expecting a nod or no reply at all.
“I like Hanji.” Levi was surprised. Everything about the brat bewildered him or
agitated him. He decided he simply doesn’t like Eren.
Hanji’s grip tightened visibly on Eren as she leaned down to rest her chin on
his head. “Isn’t he adorable?”
“When he isn’t killing others.”
Eren’s face contorted in hurt at Levi’s comment, and Levi’s heart did that
stupid thing it does when it twists in pain.
“Armin. You should go to class; I’ll send an e-mail to Mrs. Parnell and excuse
your absence. As for you, Eren,” Erwin looked over at me, “Levi. You two can
take the rest of the period off. You should probably get one of the nurses to
bandage your hands.” Eren and Armin both nodded- Armin a bit more
enthusiastically.
A question came to mind. “What the hell has my class been doing?”
Erwin glanced at Levi before smiling. “I had Nanaba tell them to write an essay
summary on the Scarlet Letter by Monday.”
Levi’s nose wrinkled in disgust. “Gross. They still make kid’s read that shit?”
“They are now.” That sly bastard.
Armin excused himself to go to class and left with one more concerned look shot
at Eren. Levi got up to leave as well. He was wondering whether or not to make
a second cup of coffee or if it was already too late in the morning, when he
heard a pair of shoes walking behind him.
“Do you know where the nurses are?” Eren asked in the same monotone voice as
before.
“Beats me.” He stared at the boy for a moment before turning around.
“Come on let’s get you bandaged up.” He threw over his shoulder.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
They ended up in one of the spare offices where Levi went whenever he was
avoiding his students after class questions.
He looked through a couple of drawers before finding the first aid kit, and
pulled out the gauze. He walked over to where Eren was sitting, and stopped not
knowing what to do.
He settled for awkwardly hopping onto the desk across from Eren. Levi stared at
him until he responded.
“What?”
“Give me your hand.”
Eren lifted his hand and placed it in Levi’s smaller, paler one. Eren was soft
to the touch despite all the scratches and marks that littered his caramel
skin.
He started placing the white gauze carefully over Eren’s knuckles; he tried to
touch him as little as possible which proved to be hard as hell, and it made
his movements’ spastic and odd. Eren didn’t seem to care or notice.
Eren’s skin was burning. Levi wasn’t sure if it was because of the adrenaline
that still coursed through his veins or if he was natural human furnace. He
decided to ask him questions to lighten the mood. Perhaps he would find the
kink in Eren’s armor; maybe he would have a breakdown and Levi would finally
understand and unravel the enigma that was Eren Jaegar. He smiled inwardly at
the thought.
“Why were you fighting?”
“I was protecting Armin.”
“From what?”
“Homophobic assholes.”
Eren tensed even further after the few questions. Levi sucked at lightening the
mood.
“What made you so mad?”
Tock.
He moved to grab the other hand when he caught a flash of anger cross Eren’s
expression. There you go. We’re getting somewhere.At least he didn’t look as
robotic as before.
After waiting a couple of minutes with no answer he decided to move onto
another topic.
“Where did that bruise come from?” He asked pointing to Eren’s face. Levi was
actually curious as to why the boy had missed the first day of school and
showed up the next day with half his face discolored. It didn’t make sense to
him that Eren got into a fight; considering how he beat a kid up not too long
ago and didn’t have a mark on him inflicted by the guy, it didn’t fit.
Tick.
All muscle movement in Eren’s body stopped and he looked like a deer caught in
the headlight. Huh. Well, that was weird. Something had struck fear into the
brunette’s heart and Levi wanted to know what.
“By the way you knocked out that guy today I’m guessing it wasn’t a fight.”
“Well it was.” Eren shifted his eyes downward like a kid caught doing something
he wasn’t supposed to.
“You’re a terrible liar.”
Tock.
Eren’s head shot up and his eyes gleamed with anger. He got up and pushed his
way to the door, hand still attached to the gauze in Levi’s hands. Levi moved
to block the door and was confronted by a raging bull.
“Let me through.” Eren demanded through clenched teeth.
“Not until you tell me where you got that bruise from.” Levi glared back with
equally intense eyes. There was no way in hell he would let him through until
he knew Eren Jaeger’s downfall.
“I ran into a door.”
“I thought you said you got into a fight.” Levi counteracted him, hoping it
would rouse something up in Eren.
Boom.
Eren threw one of his injured fists forward in a lame attempt to punch him, but
all energy was sapped out of him and it worked against him. Levi ducked and
grabbed Eren’s arm in an iron grip.
Eren’s face was priceless. He looked shocked and at the same time defeated.
Levi loosened his grip until his touch was feather-like.
“Shh,” he cooed, “We wouldn’t want you to break your hand, would we?”
Eren’s steps faltered, but Levi held his wrist firmly and steadied him. They
stayed like this for a moment: Eren being the balancing act and Levi being his
tight rope. Levi stepped aside and decided to let this one go. He would solve
this puzzle another time. Eren pushed away from him and out the door in a
flash, leaving without a word or glance. The only thing he left behind was the
gauze that had fallen of his hand oozing with the color red.
Chapter End Notes
     ahaha remember when I said they would have lunch in this chapter well
     I lied whoops
     but there will be a Hanji and Eren lunch next chapter yay!
     I'll still update Sunday (probably)
     Next chapter: confessions ;)
     *if there are any mistakes please tell me and I will fix it asap*
***** Confessions *****
Chapter Summary
     Eren spends some bonding time with Hanji
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Eren was invisible.
Or at least that’s how he felt.
After he had parted ways with Levi- well, actually he had left him- he started
to walk aimlessly through the halls of university. Nobody stopped or really
noticed him at all and it bothered him.
Erwin had permitted him his first class period free, and Eren now regretted
agreeing to it. He still had another forty-five minutes to himself, and only
himself. It wasn’t that Eren couldn’t be alone or always needed someone around
to be dependent on, he just didn’t like being alone with himself.
When he was little he used to like having alone time. Mikasa always thought it
was weird; she said he was too lonely. Eren disagreed. He never felt lonely. He
just needed some time to breathe. Granted: that was frequent, but when he
wasn’t he was always attached to either his sister’s or Armin’s hip. They used
to do everything together, literally everything. From walking to school and
back to playing hide and clap to cramming for their elementary tests. The only
thing that separated the three was when they would all have to go to their own
homes.
After Mikasa changed from neighbor to sister they would only say goodbye to
Armin at nights. Armin always whined about how it wasn’t fair and how Eren
should adopt him as well, but behind the laughs and complaints they all knew
Mikasa hadn’t had much say in the choice.
Eren’s parents had been Mikasa’s godparents, so the two kids were always fairly
close. Mikasa lived right across from Eren, and on some nights they would
signal each other from their aligned windows. After one flashed back to the
other with their flashlight they would sneak out and lay in Mikasa’s beautiful,
tall grass garden and look at the stars talking about their kid problems.
When Mikasa’s parents passed away Eren’s parents gained guardianship of her.
The Ackerman’s dazzling front garden perished with the older generation and
even though the house was completely renovated no one moved in it. Because of
this Mikasa stayed with two houses: the one she belonged in and the one fate
forced her into.
Eren wondered how difficult it must be to have to walk past a living memory of
her parents’ demise every day. If there was difficulty Mikasa doesn’t show it,
but then again there aren’t many emotions she did show. It was not like Mikasa
was a walking robot. She was far from it. She loved, cared, was angered, and
worried. God, did she worry. It was practically her default mode, and after
that protectiveness. Mikasa just choose not to show her pain. Probably because
she thought it would hinder her friends in some way, which was stupid. Eren
would never mind carrying a few of his sister’s burdens if it helped. He
guessed that in her mind handing over her baggage to someone else would in a
way be an even worse burden, so she didn’t.
Eren wasn’t like Mikasa. He always handed his problems over to others and hoped
they would solve them for him. He felt severely guilty for being like this, but
he couldn’t help it. Eren was only good for weighing down people.
And this was why he hated being alone now. Unlike his child-self, Eren loathed
being alone, because it always meant thinking or digging up the past. Whenever
he did it always brought the same depressing result.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
Hanging out with Hanji proved to be a much more challenging task than Eren had
previously thought.
Between carrying boxes labeled with ‘Extremely Fragile’ to sweeping the floors
and wiping down the lab stations Eren barely had any time to sit down and
think. While Eren did all the heavy duty work Hanji sat at her desk scribbling
in her multiple journals, entering information into her documents, and replying
to her students e-mails. At one point, about an hour into his penance, she up
and disappeared.
Eren took this time to check his phone.
There were two messages from Armin asking about how he was doing and if he
wanted to come over later.
He scrolled down and winced.
Five impossibly long messages in all caps from Mikasa and one missed call. He
scanned through the messages. The all basically said the same thing: “I can’t
believe you’re such a dumbass” “you could have killed him” “why didn’t you walk
away” “did you even think about the future” and so on.
1 new message.
Mikasa:
Why can’t you think of someone else for once? How do you think your mom would
feel?
Eren scrunched his brows in hurt; that was a low blow, and as soon as his
sister realized he’d opened the message she started typing a new one.
Mikasa:
I’m sorry I didn’t mean it like that…
Are you okay?
Eren typed a quick “I’m fine” before shoving his phone back in his pocket; he
didn’t feel like being harassed by his sister right now. She meant well, but
Eren didn’t feel like talking to her about what happened. He would rather
forget it ever happened in the first place.
Hanji appeared not too long after with two cups that he assumed were coffee but
ended up being tea.
She sat down at one of the station’s stools and beckoned him to come over.
“Sorry I’ve been distant and all over the place,” she beamed, “Just so busy,
but I really appreciate the help. Usually I have Moblit, my boyfriend, help me
out but he has his own job.” She left it off at that and took a tentative sip
of her tea.
“How are you doing, Eren? I know you don’t want to talk about it, and I totally
get it, but how are you? Like in general- not today but you know…” Her face
scrunched up in worry as she fretted over what to say.
Eren reached over and patted her hand. He appreciated it- really he did- but
she was right. He didn’t want to talk about it.
“To be honest,” Eren sighed trying to collect his next sentences, “it’s been
shit. Everything’s been shit. School is shit. My home is pretty shitty. Today
was shit, but that’s all there is to it. Just, shit.”
Hanji opened her mouth and looked like she was about to argue but closed it
shortly after. She nodded.
“Okay.” Her face immediately shifted back to her normal crazy, happy
expression. “Have you met any girls?”
Eren’s eyebrows shot up as he quickly shook his head.
“Boys?”
Eren could feel his face heat up slightly. Well, he had met Levi. He still
shook his head.
“Oh. Are you already with someone?”
Eren didn’t even shake his head this time he just kind of gave Hanji a look
that said “please no”.
The scientist’s face contorted in pure confusion. “I don’t understand. I mean
unless you’re asexual but you don’t really peg me as one,” she looked at Eren
to confirm and his confused face probably told her he had no clue about
sexualities, “Surely, they’re all over you. I mean look at you you’re
adorable.” She reached over and pinched his cheeks.
She added, “And you have a nice ass.” He wondered if Hanji could feel his
cheeks burn in her fingers. Did all professors talk to their students like
this?
“Eh, no problemo. I’ll find you someone.” Hanji wiggled her eyebrows and let
his abused face go.
“What about you? You said you had a boyfriend; what’s he like?” Eren tried
veering the conversation towards his friend.
Hanji’s face softened with admiration as she spoke. “Moblit. He’s actually my
fiancée, and you’re totally invited to the wedding, by the way. I met him
through Erwin and Levi, actually. He was in their chemistry I think.
“He didn’t have many friends I guess so he stuck around the boys. Erwin liked
him, most likely cause he helped him with his homework, and he didn’t get on
Levi’s nerves-which is a miracle. So, I ended up meeting him. He was almost as
good as me in science. Almost.” She played with the ring Eren just noticed was
on her finger.
“He was the only one who listened to me about my experiments, and actually was
interested. There aren’t many out there like that, you know?”
Eren nodded although he wasn’t sure he agreed. Yeah, Hanji was over eccentric
and a bit intimidating at first, but she was great and amazing and she cared-
she really cared. Eren had never met someone so loving and open to people and
he was glad he had.
“I’ll introduce him to you sometime. He’d love you. Well, he has to because I
do.” Hanji grinned.
Eren melted. There were rare moments where Eren felt like this when meeting a
new friend and he could count the people on one hand. Mikasa, Armin, Annie, and
Hannes had been the only one’s so far who made him feel happy and safe when
things were not okay. Hanji had a similar effect on him. Maybe she would be the
one he would open up to. After all, she really was the only one he could spill
his problems to without immediate consequences.
“Does he work here too with the rest of the high school gang?” He made
quotation marks with his fingers when he said the word gang.
Hanji shook her head. “It’s only me and Erwin. Erwin got Levi to work here this
year, because of recent issues in little grumpy-pants life.” Eren chuckled at
Levi’s nickname.
“What happened?” For some odd reason he wanted to know more about Levi;
especially since the man had interrogated Eren that morning.
Hanji’s face fell. “That’s something for him to tell you. But don’t worry with
the way he was all over you today I’m sure you’ll figure it out soon.”
“What?” Eren almost choked on the hot tea he had inhaled.
“Okay, you see, Levi’s not really fond of young kids or people in general,” she
snorted, “yet he landed this job. Anyway, he’s hard too warm up to. It took me
all of high school to get under his skin and have him finally accept me as his
friend. He’s known you for a week and he already saved your ass.
“And he was nice to you!” She flung her hand forward in exasperation.
“I’m lost. How does anything Levi has ever said to me qualify as nice, Hanji?”
“It’s not what he says, it’s the thing he does.” She rolled her eyes at the
brunette when his face of disbelief hadn’t changed.
“Oh, come on.” She leaned over the table. “He stopped a fight, only after
hearing you were in it. Keep in mind Levi really doesn’t care for kids or
fights or really dirty things. And at the moment, you were all of those things
but he still touched you.
“He touched you Eren. That’s pretty big.” She nodded at him as if she had made
her case.
“Okay, you’re clearly not convinced. Remember whenever Erwin would lean towards
him he leaned back?” Eren nodded.
“You know how I don’t usually hug him? I hug everyone, you would know, just not
Levi most of the time because I’m scared he’ll punch me. Okay, now you can kind
of see a trend of ‘Levi no touchie touchie’. But he voluntarily touched you,
and stood up for you when he was talking to Erwin. Well, in a Levi sort of
way.”
Eren thought back to when Levi had bandaged his hands and all the moments Levi
hadtouched him. What was Hanji hinting at? Did Levi like him? Like likehim?
Jesus fucking Christ what am I three?
They had made out before, and according to Hanji if touching was a ‘no no’ in
Levi’s book then exchanging saliva must have been breaking all rules.
Eren flushed. Oh, god. What did this mean? Was Levi attracted to Eren? Was Eren
even attracted to Levi?
He hadn’t thought about Levi like that since that night. As soon as he met Levi
for the second time and realized he was his superior, Eren had erased all
feelings he had for the man.
Had he really though?
It wasn’t like he had much time to think about it either. With everything at
home and school, Eren hadn’t had a second to take a breather let alone crush
over his teacher.
“Basically, Levi wants to be your friend.” Hanji threw her arms up in delight.
Oh. Friends. Yeah, that was something I didn’t think of.
Eren suddenly felt embarrassed that he had jumped to conclusions before ever
thinking about being friends.Being friends with Levi sounded weird though. Eren
was friends with Armin and Hanji. Right, that was normal. But, Levi? Eh, it
sounded odd to him.
Hanji jumped out of her stool. “Oh, we should go. It’s getting late. I’ll text
you, okay?” She put her coat on and grabbed her bag, running over to peck
Eren’s cheek before rushing out the door.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
Eren walked back from college alone stopping by Hanne’s bar to say hi, and
eventually was able to see his house sitting at the corner at the top of the
hill. No cars. That meant Dad wasn’t home, but he was sure that wasn’t true for
Mikasa. As Eren took out his keys and opened the old door he wondered if Mikasa
would be glad to see him or not.
He closed the door and walked down the long hallway, putting his bag down by
the foot of the staircase before continuing. It was unsettlingly silent.
The kitchen light was on, and Mikasa was sitting quietly on the bar stool with
a glass of water in her hand.
“Hello, brother.”
Shit.Mikasa only referred to Eren as ‘brother’ when she was beyond pissed. He
had been hearing more of it recently.
Eren sighed and walked into the kitchen, and opened the fridge to scan for
food. He closed it and grabbed an apple instead. Turning around he was met with
his sister’s unfriendly eyes.
Mikasa was still in her day clothes but had taken her scarf off; it was lying
on the couch.
“So, did you get expelled?” Right to the point.
“No.”
Mikasa scoffed and looked to her side. “Lucky.”
“Why were you gone so long then? Did you just want to make me wait up for you
without telling me where you were?” Her voice was getting louder and louder
with each word she spoke.
Eren remained calm; he was used to being yelled at. “I didn’t get expelled but
now I have to work after hours every day for one of my professors.”
She clenched her teeth, dissatisfied with the reply. “For how long?”
“They didn’t specify.” He took a bite of his apple nonchalantly; he didn’t want
to come off as a dick but all anger had been drained from him and he couldn’t
muster up any emotions at the moment.
“Damn it, Eren! Do you know how worried sick I’ve been? The school pulled me
out of class today to tell me that you were involved in a fight where one of
the boys was hospitalized. I didn’t know for another hour that you weren’t the
one in the ER until Armin called me! Armin called me, not you. Really, Eren?”
Mikasa slammed her glass down and Eren was surprised it hadn’t shattered from
the sheer force. His eyes stayed put on the wavering cup and the hand around
it.
“Talk to me!” He was able to recognize his sister’s demanding voice, but it was
getting harder and harder for him to focus on her. His head was pounding and he
was suddenly feeling nauseous. He put his apple down and started to walk away
leaving Mikasa in the kitchen in the middle of her rant.
“Where the hell do you think you’re going? I’m talking to you!” She screamed
down the hall as he started to attempt climbing the stairs.
His head started to pound louder and harder and he was no longer able to
distinguish his heart beat from the sound in his head. He opened the door to
his room and accidently slammed it shut making him wince at the sound. He took
two pills from the bottle that stood on his night stand and swallowed them dry,
hoping it would ease the pain.
What was he going to do now? He sure as hell didn’t want to deal with Mikasa
right now; he’d have to leave for the night. He could go to Armin’s, but he
didn’t want to bother his friend and it would probably be awkward because of
everything that happened today.
He grabbed a duffel bag and shoved some clothes in without knowing if they were
clean or not. Somehow he made it down the stairs and out the door without
Mikasa stopping him; she was probably fed up with Eren. He didn’t blame her.
Eren was being a terrible brother, and he wanted nothing more than to resolve
this issue with her and have everything go back to normal, but that just wasn’t
how Eren worked. He never made things simple for anyone.
He looked at the time on his phone and estimated that Annie was home already
and when she opened the door to her apartment and saw a disheveled gloomy
teenager she let him in without a second thought.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
"Eren, come down breakfast is ready!” The sound of his mother’s sweet voice
carried through the house from downstairs in the kitchen. Eren shot out of his
room and bounced down the stairs happily, content that he smelled waffles. His
mom always made waffles on Monday mornings, because they were Eren’s favorite
and got him through the tortuous start of the week.
Eren sat down at the table across from his father and next to Mikasa.
“It’s almost spring break.” Mikasa muttered. Eren’s mother placed Eren’s plate
in front of him.
“Yeah, what are we going to do, Dad?” He asked mouth full of syrupy waffle
bites.
“Don’t speak with your mouth open Eren.” His dad corrected him, smiling kindly
over the newspaper. Eren’s mom leaned over and kissed his cheek causing Eren to
make a face at Mikasa; she giggled.
“Maybe we can go visit your parents, Carla?” Grisha looked up at his wife.
“I’m sure they would like that.” She smiled and it was one of those infectious
smiles that made even the devil himself smile.
They finished breakfast chatting about the upcoming weekend and what they
planned to do. At eight Eren and Mikasa started getting ready for school. Eren
helped Mikasa put her scarf on as she ushered him out the door.
Armin was at the bus stop, and the three of them managed to squeeze into one
seat on the bus. They chattered and gossiped about other kids and their nasty
teachers.
Eventually, they all went to their separate classes and settled down.
Eren had Mrs. Bjorge a strict German woman with a thick accent that her
students never bothered to understand. She was going over how to do long
division when Garret Reade threw a ball of paper at the back of Eren’s head.
Eren turned around with a murderous glare. “Stop it, dimwit.”
“Jaeger, turn around and pay attention.” The teacher exclaimed. She never did
like Eren for reasons unknown to him. Eren turned around and stubbornly crossed
his arms puffing out a “not fair”.
Five minutes passed before Garret threw another object at Eren; a pencil. Eren
ignored him this time. The boys and girls behind him snickered and Eren
wondered why it was only when he opened his mouth that the teacher noticed.
Something harder hit him directly on the back of his head. Eren let out a loud
“ow” and rubbed his neck. It was a small rock. What kind of fourth grader
carries around freaking rocks?
He turned in his seat and looked at the boy and whispered, “You’re so gonna
regret that.”
Garret made an amused sound. “What are you going to do? Have Mikasa beat me up
for you?”
Another kid, probably one of Garret Reade’s friends called Eren a coward, and
that was enough to set off Eren. He jumped out of his seat and pounced on the
boy pulling at his clothes and hair and whatever else he could get his hands
on. The class started chanting “fight, fight!” Before the teacher even realized
what was happening, Garret let out a howl as Eren scratched his cheek leaving a
red angry mark. Mrs. Bjorge pealed Eren off the boy and landed him right in the
principal’s office.
The principal called his parents and notified Eren that his mother was coming
to pick him up. He was suspended for three days. Eren smiled to himself
thinking that now nobody would mess with him. He wasn’t smiling when his mom
dragged him out by his ear scolding him for getting into a fight.
“What were you thinking Eren Jaeger?” She closed the car door and started the
engine.
“He started it!” Eren whined.
“I don’t care who started it. You are my son and I did not raise you to hurt
others.” Eren was confused because she had raised Eren, literally the way he
was, but he kept his mouth shut.
“Put your seat belt on.” She demanded her voice stern and shaking with anger.
Eren was about to complain about how she hadn’t put her seatbelt on so why
should he when the car behind them honked.
His mom turned around and yelled at the car, and when she turned back around
she looked at Eren instead of the road. The last thing Eren saw were her big
green eyes blazing with passion before a flash of light and sound enveloped
both of them.
A scream tore at Eren’s throat as he sat up on the couch drenched in sweat. His
heart pounded so loudly he wondered if it would wake up everyone else in the
apartment. He put a hand over his chest trying to calm his erratic breathing.
It was a nightmare or more so it was a memory: the memory of his mother’s
death. The one he had caused.
Eren let his head fall down onto his knees as tears started to stream down his
cheeks. His chest raked with sobs and screams that weren’t able to leave his
clamped mouth.
He didn’t sleep for the rest of the night.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
Hanji Zoë:
Wanna grab coffee with me? I want to talk to you :)
Eren:
Ok. Where?
Hanji Zoë:
There’s this café by the uni. Think you can make it in 20?
Eren:
Yep
Eren left the apartment pulling a scarf around his neck and rubbing at his
tired eyes. He hadn’t had a nightmare in almost two weeks and it left
noticeable symptoms. Eren wandered around the street before finding the café
Hanji had mentioned; she hadn’t been very clear and he hadn’t asked her to
specify.
The place smelled like coffee beans and pumpkin, probably because it was
nearing that time of year.
Hanji was sitting in a corner booth with her legs pulled up onto the seat.
Brown orbs met green as she scanned the room for Eren. He made his way over and
sat across from her.
“I already bought you coffee. I didn’t know if you liked it black or with cream
so I put cream in to be safe.” She smiled warmly at the boy. Eren preferred
black coffee but took it anyways; she paid for it after all.
“How are you?” She placed one hand under her chin.
“Good.”
She looked at him with what had to be sympathy or pity and repeated the
question. “How are you, Eren?”
She looked meaningfully at him, this time straight into Eren’s eyes. She had a
way of getting under Eren’s shell and all of a sudden he wanted to tell her
everything, so he did. He looked down at his coffee before speaking.
“It’s my dad. He hits me.”
Chapter End Notes
     I somehow managed to write this and its still Sunday!
     Next chapter: Armin is finally more present in my damn fic
     *if there are any mistakes please tell me and I will fix it asap*
     Thank you for reading Lovelies
***** Tranquility *****
Chapter Notes
     HEY ok this is important. I kind of like am really stupid so like you
     know how I said that Petra was gone for like 9 months? Yeah, I
     changed that to like years, like 6 years. I'm sorry.
     ALSO, would you guys totally oppose me changing the name of this fic
     because like I said I'm stupid and don't like it anymore??? What do
     you think??? *cringes at my choices in life*
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Waking up on a Monday is a terribly difficult task to accomplish, especially
when there’s a pair of slender, strong arms wrapped around your waist hanging
on like a damn lifeline. Eren did his best to push the body next to him off his
side of the bed so at least he could hit the snooze alarm on his persistent
clock, but the pale hands dug further into the fabric of his pajamas.
“Mikasa, we’re going to be late for school.” His sleep-caked voice came out
coarse and rough and he blamed puberty.
No response.
Eren moaned and groaned in protest hoping it would stir his sister, which
worked to no prevail. Seriously what the heck; Mikasa was never a deep sleeper.
Beep beep beep.
The shrilling sound pierced his ears more intensely, almost painfully until his
head started to throb. Why was it so loud? Panic rose through his body trying
desperately to crawl up his throat in screams like vomit. He moved around
frantically, squirming under the pressure Mikasa was applying to his ribs. He
wanted to get out of his room. He just wanted out. Why wouldn’t she let go?!
BEEP BEEP BEEP.
 
Eren managed to free one his hands and pressed it against the side of head
attempting to cancel out the agonizingly loud noise.
The small blue walls of his room were illuminated by the blinking red light
coming from his clock. He glanced at it. The words GET UP replaced where the
time usually was and wave of confusion washed over him. Since when had his
clock been able to display words? Did his parents buy a new convulsive clock as
a prank? Because it was not amusing to him at all.
He pounded on Mikasa’s back and kicked at her legs.
“Mikasa! Let go, let go, let go!” He shouted in her ear, pushing at her body in
the little space provided. The noise got louder and louder and began to drown
out his screaming and the anxiety knotting in his stomach was pulled impossibly
tighter. He looked frantically around the room. It was dark except for the
clock’s illumination and all of his night lights were absent. His room was
clamped shut and there was no one on the other side trying to get in.
 
Where were his parents? Surely, they heard the racket coming from his room and
would come in to pry Mikasa off of him. Why was she even here? This wasn’t her
room. Eren suddenly felt angered at the breach of privacy, but the emotion was
second to none to what he was feeling towards that clock.
He wanted to shout a thousand curse words he’d heard from TV and older boys at
school, but his mother had engraved it into his mind not to. Not unless he
wanted an ear pulling.
“Don’t sleep.” Sleep? He was awake.
The words were merely whispers and Eren wasn’t sure how he had heard them in
the first place. He looked down at his sister with crazy confused eyes and
demanded she let go of him; she complied this time.
Eren bolted to the end of the bed as soon as he was able to. He grabbed the
glitching clock and threw it on the ground; it shut up immediately.
He slumped against his wall and soon the anxiety that had welled up in his body
eased out alongside his breaths. He glared at Mikasa.
“What’s up with you?” He was infuriated. This was worse than when she had
ratted him out to Mom and Dad about stealing Tim Weaver’s hat during recess.
“Don’t go.” Her face was impassive and creepy to be honest, so Eren started to
get off the bed and out his door.
“I’m sorry, brother.”
A chill ran up his spine; he hated when she said brother like that. He left
anyways and made his way to the illuminated kitchen.
The aroma of burnt eggs and waffles attacked his nose.
Dad wasn’t sitting at the table reading the paper. How odd.
Mom was in the kitchen in her usual attire cooking and humming to an
unrecognizable song. Eren sat at the table warily; everything was just so weird
today. He didn’t understand how his mom hadn’t heard the uproar from upstairs,
but decided to not question it.
He laid his head on the table, blinding his vision.
He heard the clatter of a plate being set down and he looked up a fraction from
his position only to see what was on the plate. Waffles. Eren scrunched his
face in confusion. “How come you’re making waffles? It’s Tuesday.”
“What do you mean, darling? It’s Monday.”
But that was impossible. Yesterday was Monday. He remembered because he had
gotten in trouble with Garret Reade and was sent to the principal’s office. He
was about to tell this to his mom this when he noticed something on the
pristine white plate. It was a big splat of red. Blood.
Splat. Another. And another.
It was coming from above; his head exactly. He touched his forehead and
withdrew it immediately at feeling the stinging sensation from touching the
wound. He stared at his messy hand.
“What’s wrong, baby?”
“Mom I’m bleedi-“ Eren froze in shock. His stomach twisted in a mixture of
disgust and pure horror and he wanted nothing more than to scratch his eyes
out.
Eren’s mother had blood cascading from her face and a huge gaping grotesque
hole in her stomach, yet she stood there smiling manically at him.
Deep crimson staining her white pearl teeth.
 
--
 
Pain erupted through Eren like a volcano, wracking his body with agony; it
consumed him, really. He couldn’t think clearly and wasn’t able to pin point
where the source of the pain was manifesting from. It was everywhere. He heard
a dull ringing in his ears, but couldn’t quite make out the sounds near him. He
tried to concentrate his hazed mind. Were those police sirens?
Where was he? He couldn’t remember what had happened before whatever now was.
It was cold, really cold. Maybe he should put his jacket on. The noise of the
sirens got louder as they came closer; Eren was annoyed. He just wanted to
sleep, why couldn’t they see that? He was so tired, every ounce in his body
told him to sleep, but something in the back of his mind told him no.
“Don’t sleep.”The warning sounded awfully familiar but he couldn’t remember
who’d said it.
He decided to listen to the words.
He opened his eyes slowly, curious as to what was happening. Well, that hurt.
That crossed out the possibility of this being a terrible dream, because the
pain was too real. What’s happening? Was he dying? How could he be dying? He
was so young! Well, he was nine and a half and it was something he often
bragged about. Still, he couldn’t die now. Surely, this wasn’t what death was
like.
There were lights, everywhere. Blue and red and white. It took him a couple of
minutes of blinking before he was able to make out shapes and not just blurs of
color. The car windshield was broken and cold air was coming in; that’s why he
was cold. So very, very cold.
He wanted to complain to his mother about it after remembering she was there
with him. That was a bad decision.
The cops were yelling around him and huddling over the driver seat. Someone
yelled about the boy, him, being conscious. There was glass shattered
everywhere and there was something warm dropping from his forehead, but none of
the commotion could make him tear his eyes off of the vision before him.
A long sharp piece of grey metal was jutting through the window shield and it
went straight through his mother’s stomach.
 
--
 
Eren’s eyes flew open hysterically. His breathing was erratic and sweat was
pooling at the bottom of his back. A wave of nausea washed over him at the déjà
vu of it all. It was another nightmare. He was having those more often.
Although, this was one was very graphic and felt like he had relived it all.
“Eren?” Armin’s small voice called from the kitchen. It was morning and Eren
had stayed over Armin’s, fearing he would annoy Annie if he stayed over another
night after being there for a week.
He got up and walked to Armin’s bathroom.
He looked like shit. Gross. He pulled himself into the shower and let scalding
cold water run down his back and loosen his tense muscles. Unfortunately, he
could not wash away his memories along with the sweat and grime. He got out and
dried himself off, pulling on a pair of boxers, sweats, and a T-shirt.
He walked into the kitchen and leaned on the counter.
“Morning, sunshine.” Armin scrunched his nose in distaste at his nickname; Eren
had always called him sun-related things since they were little.
“Did you sleep well?” His friend chirped.
Eren shook his head. There was no point in lying; Armin would just be able to
see right through him anyway.
“Nightmare?”
Eren nodded.
“That’s the third this month.” Armin frowned at the pan he was handling.
Okay, so maybe Eren had sugar-coated the amount of nightmares he experienced
but it was better off that way. Armin would just freak out and demand him to go
see a doctor or therapist and that wasn’t fun for anyone involved.
“Did Gramps leave?” He asked trying to veer the conversation elsewhere.
Armin nodded. “He went to go visit Nana at the home.” Eren smiled warmly; he
loved Armin’s grandpa. Every single day that old man would go buy flowers and
visit his wife at the old folk’s home. It was sweet, really- How eternal some
couples love was.
“Do you just wanna watch Netflix today? I don’t feel like moving.” Armin asked,
pouting at his own words.
Eren happily agreed and hopped on the couch, scanning the genres for Tim Burton
movies.
“Corpse Bride or Sweeney Todd?” He asked, practically yelling although it was
completely unnecessary. Armin was like ten feet away.
“Those are on two completely different spectrums. How about something not
directed by Tim Burton?” Armin suggested.
Eren groaned. “Oh, how about the Hobbit? It would be fun to watch a documentary
on your own kind, wouldn’t it be, sunflower?”
Armin did his best to glare at his friend.
“Make one more short joke today or call me something yellow related, and I will
leave you to starve.” He walked in with two plates full of eggs, ham, and
toast.
“Technically, the sun is like red and orange so…” Eren grinned at Armin’s
unamused face.
“Do you see this?” He motioned toward one of the plates in his hand. “It’s
going out the window. Right, now.” He started to walk towards one of the opened
windows, and Eren scrambled over to him; he kneeled and placed his hands on
Armin’s feet.
“I beg of you, spare the bread.”
Armin busted out laughing and seated himself on the couch. “Get over here,
moron. I would never waste food; Sasha would kill me.”
They both laughed and started the movie.
Perhaps today wouldn’t be too bad.
 
===============================================================================
 
“You should really talk to her, Eren.”
Armin was right. He really should resolve this misunderstanding with his
sister. The two had barely spoken in a week besides a few texts about where he
was. But Eren was the King of procrastination and putting things off, so he
wasn’t surprised it had gone on this long.
He huffed. “I know, I know.”
Armin looked at him expectantly.
“Now?”
“Uh, yeah. It’s been long enough tough boy.” Armin shoved him playfully. Eren
would protest, but it would get him nowhere. He lay back abruptly on Armin
crushing him with his weight.
“Ewe, get off me.” Armin squirmed from under Eren’s lanky body and got off the
couch. Eren turned stomach down on said couch.
“Do I have to?” He whined.
“Eren.” Armin cautioned.
With one more long sigh, Eren pulled his phone out and dialed Mikasa’s number.
“Hello?”
“Heeey.” Eren dragged the word out in an awkward attempt at greeting his sister
only to be met with silence.
“Okay, I just called because I’m really, really sorry and I needed to apologize
because I was a rude asshole and you totally didn’t deserve that and Armin is
being a pain in the ass about it and I really want to come home again and have
everything back to normal.”
“That was like the worst apology ever.”
“I know everything about me is kind of the worst thing ever.”
Mikasa stifled a laugh. “Yeah, whatever. I miss your big butt anyway.”
“Who wouldn’t? It’s like gorgeous.” Eren bragged.
Mikasa scoffed. “I’d rather not talk about your ass, right now. Just come home,
okay?”
“Okay.”
He hung up and as soon as he did Armin came back into the room applauding him.
“Shut up.”
“I didn’t say anything!” Armin said defensively.
“Whatever, buttercup.”
“That’s it.” Armin came charging and started to attack Eren with a pillow.
Yeah, today was a good day.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
Another month passed with similar days. Eren still helped Hanji all the time
and Levi still barely talked to him; when he did he was sure to add brat to the
end of every sentence. Out of all nicknames he could have gotten he got brat or
kid, but Armin got mushroom or muffin. It was completely unfair. Armin wasn’t
even his student.
When he had voiced this to Levi, Levi had just said, “See, this is why you’re a
brat. You just complain.”
Even so, his affections towards the professor never lessened no matter if he
was fond of his nickname or not; if you could call them affections.
Eren wasn’t really sure, any longer. Everything was pretty confusing in his
life at the moment. Everything was off tilter. Like the calm before the storm.
He hadn’t slept at Annie’s in a long time, his dad had been gone for forever,
and Hanji still kept her promise and hadn’t told his little dirty secret.
He was anticipating the storm. It had to come, it just had to. There was no way
Eren could be happy, and he was right. His dad was back that very night.
Chapter End Notes
     Haha this was a sad excuse of a chapter but like it's a filler one
     and loose ends yk
     (btw so like the first part was a dream from the actual time he
     crashed- like a dream from when he was unconscious in the car- and
     that was the actual memory of the crash I just didn't know how
     express it without it being a nightmare in the present.)
     Next chapter: Levi POV in college yay
     About that title........
***** Monster *****
Chapter Notes
     WARNING: There will be drug-use in this chapter.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Levi
“You should give her a chance, Levi.”
Levi’s head swarmed dizzyingly; it felt like his thoughts would cause his brain
to implode making it ooze out of the cracks of his skull. With a groan he
dropped his head in his hands and pressed against his temples hoping it would
dull the throb.
Perhaps he had had a bit too much to drink last night. Levi was far from being
a lightweight when it came to alcohol which usually led to heavy drinking
without much thought put into the action. Although this was true he rarely got
drunk or had more than a beer or a glass of wine, because of the aftermath. He
loved alcohol but alcohol did not love him back.
No, the substance flat out hated him. It made him wonder what he had done to it
to deserve such cruelty; maybe it was the sensitive type that liked to take
things slow and not be chugged down like water. Either way, it made sure to
remind Levi of his place.
He was surprised he had been able to drink the coffee he had that morning
without it making a second appearance; his stomach swished and swashed all day
like an Olympic gymnast who was pulling for gold. But the activity in his
stomach had subsided and was soon replaced by the mind-scrambling headache that
no amount of Advil had been able to dowse.
Hanji’s grating voice wasn’t helping much either.
She insisted on having Levi reconcile with his ex-fiancé, Petra, ever since the
first reunion had gone askew. Levi knew that Petra’s face would in no way solve
his hangover or untangle the matt of hatred he had grown towards her. So, he
attempted at ignoring Hanji’s pleads, but the woman was persistent as ever.
Levi had been walking back from the bathroom- which he by no means actually
used; the place reeked of insanitation- when he heard a familiar pterodactyl
noise and had run into one of the spare rooms. It worked to no avail; Hanji had
found him in a matter of seconds and immediately started hounding him with what
she called “motherly love”.
He looked up at Hanji who had perked her mouth to speak and decided he might as
well listen to what she had to say.
“You should give her a chance, Levi.”
 
===============================================================================
 
 
August, 1999
“Oh, Levi it’s just not fair.” Isabel pouted from her spot on his bed, watching
intently as he packed. Isabel’s adoptive parents had surprised Levi last year
on his birthday to tell him that they just so happened to have some cash
stashed away and planned to send Levi to college with it. Levi hadn’t been sure
how to feel about it at the time, and not much had changed since.
College had never been a choice for Levi; it hadn’t even crossed his mind in a
long time. As a kid he didn’t know if he would have a permanent home which made
his future rather unpredictable and ever fluctuating. He was shuffled around
from foster family to foster family like the joker card in a deck of cards;
always unwanted and pretty damn useless. So, when he was fostered by Marie and
Jason Kaufmann and they decided they liked joker cards, Levi’s world was
flipped upside-down.
He was sixteen and had been spent his first five years of life in an orphanage,
gone through seven different foster homes, and had lived in five different
states. He ended up right where he started: New York State.
With his warn out leather jacket and semi-working iPod and headphones, he was
shipped from Connecticut to New Rochelle and ended up at the front steps of
what looked like a mansion to him. It was not in fact a mansion just a four
story house set at the top of a very large hill, distant from other homes. To
say the least Levi was very, very uncomfortable.
He was used to apartments so small they barely passed as living spaces and
nasty people who were zonked out either by alcohol or drugs half the time they
spoke to him. He was used to carrying two knives- one in his jacket pocket and
another taped onto the inside of his combat boots. He was used to the high ride
of getting his endorphins smacked around by house drugs, and the smell of burnt
cigarettes.
He was notused to kind parents who joked around with words and not fists or a
girl who called him “brother” while she hugged him from behind. He was notused
to a built in security system that was set off every time he left the house if
he forgot to key in the code. He was notused to the smell of home cooked meals
or newly lit expensive as fuck cigars.
Everything he had learned and experienced- everything that made him the way he
was- was completely useless and irrelevant in this life. But that didn’t mean
he didn’t like it. He loved it.
He practically reveled at having a normal family and a normal life. He liked
being able to walk down the halls of his school without being harassed. He
liked his new life, immensely. He liked the people in it as well.
Isabel Magnolia was a small twelve year old ball of energy and laughter when
she met Levi. She had lived with the Kaufmann couple for almost the entirety of
her life and never had to live through the hardships that most foster kids had
to. For once, Levi didn’t think of someone’s luckiness in life as a con. He
didn’t care that Isabel couldn’t relate to Levi’s problems like all his old
friends. He didn’t want her to.
He realized that when you’re surrounded by happy people they tend to rub off on
you.
And that’s what he was now: Happy.
Happy because he was going to college. Happy because he was no longer reliant
on drugs. Happy because he had friends like Hanji and Erwin. Happy because he
had a mom and dad who loved him for everything he did and everything he was.
Isabel on the other hand was not happy.
“What’s not fair?” He asked her.
Isabel pulled at her short pigtails in frustration and fell back on his made
bed.
“You, leaving!” She groaned and turned onto her stomach. “You’re leaving and I
only got to keep you for three years. It’s just not fair.”
Levi huffed as he folded a T-shirt. “Keep me? I wasn’t aware I was one of your
dolls.”
Isabel shot up and pointed a finger at him. “I don’t play with dolls anymore.”
“I never accused you of such a thing,” He replied, “besides you didn’t really
play with dolls per say. You tended to rip their heads off and throw them at
people when you didn’t get what you wanted.”
“And I still will pelt you with decapitated heads if I have to.” Isabel’s eyes
widened manically.
“Whoa there, Chesapeake Ripper, calm down.” That comment received a pair of
socks to the face.
Isabel stayed quite for too many seconds so Levi decided to look up from his
packing. His sister’s big green eyes were rimmed with tears that threatened to
spill out any second and her pouting lips were quivering.
Oh, god. Levi hated crying. Not him crying specifically just crying overall.
Wanting to cry, people crying, making people cry just did not settle with him
well. Seeing or making someone cry almost seemed worse than actually crying
yourself. At least when you cry, you don’t have to console yourself or worry
about saying the right thing because you are the one in pain. Other people
crying- was a big no-no. He could not deal with it. He knew how to deal with
it. You’re supposed to pat them on the back or hug them and tell them it’ll be
alright and all the bullshit they feed you in movies and TV shows. Now actually
consoling someone is where he got stuck.
Especially with Isabel. You see, Isabel cries a lot. Not because she’s sad but
because she’s an angry crier. So, when she did cry Levi didn’t have to comfort
her. Probably, because he was usually on the end of her anger but also because
it would only make her madder.
Isabel clenched her fists around his comforter, wrinkling the material. He
frowned; it was a new bed set.
He pushed his luggage onto the floor and slipped onto the bed. He sat with his
legs crossed, his knees touching his sisters. He reached and thumbed the tears
on the girl’s cheek. She leaned into the touch and closed her eyes.
“Don’t ruin that pretty face with tears, because of me, kid.”
Her eyes popped open and she cracked a smile. “I’m not a kid you jerk.” She
playfully punched his arm and fell onto his chest. Levi petted her small head.
“I’m going to miss you too.”
 
===============================================================================
 
August, 1999
 
“Who are you again and why are you talking to me?” Levi raised an eyebrow in
question at the petite honey blonde girl in front of him. She had eyes that
matched her hair, and they were wide with hope and glee; the type of eyes that
smiles actually reached. She held a clipboard and an abundance of folders
against her chest.
“Petra Ral. Sorry, I should have introduced myself,” she held out a hand to
shake Levi’s but never quite accomplished what it set out to do. She dropped it
back down. “I’m part of the welcoming committee. I tell you about the school,
the courses you’ll take, how to get around, and who not to anger.”
“Isn’t that what orientation is for?”
“Did you go to orientation?”
Levi narrowed his eyes at the girl. He did not go to orientation, but that
didn’t mean he was going to listen to this annoyingly nice chic for more than
he had to.
“And that is exactly why you’re talking to me.” She beamed and started to walk
down the hall not waiting to see if Levi followed her. He did.
“What year are you? You look like you still belong in high school so there’s no
way you’re a sophomore.” He barked at her back.
“That’s because I’m not.”
“Wait. So you’re a freshman and yet here you are. A part of the welcoming
committee and showing people your age around a school you haven’t yet
attended.” Levi smiled sourly. It was the only type of smile he was able to
conjure ever since he left the comforts of his home.
She laughed slightly as if sharing some inside joke with herself. “My dad is
the Dean. I’ve been in and out of these halls my whole life.” She stopped in
front of a set of doors before going through them. It lead to a parking lot
that Petra had already begun walking through.
This girl got on every single nerve in Levi’s body, but he couldn’t say it
didn’t excite him slightly.  
--
Petra- December, 1999
Petra’s face scrunched up in confusion. There was a slight buzzing in her ears
and it was disturbing her sleep causing her to drift into that half state of
being awake and dreaming. The buzzing got more persistent; this time it made
her open her eyes. She stared up at her moonlight lit ceiling; it was night-
the middle of the night. The buzzing was coming from the phone that was
connected to the living room wall; someone had called them.
She heard a groan to her right. “Petra, what the fuck?” The voice was heavy
with sleep and exhaustion.
She quickly whispered a sorry to her roommate and left the room. She sat on the
floor of the living room. They still hadn’t gotten a new couch after Hanji had
destroyed their old one with an experiment of hers, so she had to settle for
the carpeted floor and the wall. She reached up the wall and grabbed the phone,
stretching the cord until it met her face.
“Petra!” She immediately drew her face away from the phone. It was way too
early in the morning to be screamed at through a damn phone. She warily leaned
towards the phone.
“Hello?”
“Petra! It’s me Moblit.” Petra and Moblit were not close friends at all which
meant he was calling because of her boyfriend, Levi. That or Hanji, but girls
weren’t allowed to go over to the boys dorm after eight, so it wasn’t a liable
reason.
“What’s wrong?” She rubbed at her burning eyes with her free hand.
“It’s Levi. Hanji brought him home late, and she was about to leave when he
started screaming about some key missing. You have to come over! We can’t calm
him down.” Moblit kept babbling, but Petra couldn’t quite register what he said
over the static.
“Hold up, Moblit.” She yanked on the cord hoping that would clear up the static
and put the phone back to her ear.
“I can’t go over. If they catch me there, Dad’ll kill me.”
“That’s exactly why you need to come! If someone doesn’t shut him up, we’ll be
reported and probably expelled. Please, Petra? You’re the only one he’ll listen
to.”
It was an interesting process of leaving the girls dorm and getting to the boys
dorm. Especially, since you had to pass right by the main office to get there.
Petra zipped her jacket up all the way and pulled her hoodie on, so that if she
was caught and made a run for it, she wouldn’t be recognized. The school took
their rules very seriously, and she wasn’t about to be caught breaking them.
She ran to the parking lot and hid behind cars, shuffling over to another and
ducking behind it. She kept doing that until there were no more cars. Shit.
What now?
The office lights were on, but she could see no one inside, so she made a run
for it. Petra practically collapsed at Moblit’s and Levi’s door when she got
there; she hadn’t sprinted like that in long time and her legs were complaining
below her. She knocked on the door weakly, and was pulled in a second later.
Behind closed doors you could barely notice the chaos that ensued inside.
Moblit was pacing in the living room screaming at Levi, who was in the bedroom,
to stop; he didn’t stop. Hanji stood calmly next to her watching her boyfriend
frantically try to stop her best friend from tearing their dorm room to shreds.
With one worried glace at Hanji, Petra entered the room.
Levi was currently jumping around on one of the beds tearing at the sheets
mumbling something that sounded like “where is it” and “this is all Hanji’s
fault”. He was clearly slightly buzzed maybe drunk, which is something Levi
hated, but also explained his current distress.
“Levi.” She called out calmly from the end of the bed. Levi didn’t hear her or
didn’t care enough to listen, and jumped off the bed, to run past her and into
the bathroom.
She walked after him. “Levi.” He was opening and slamming drawers becoming more
disappointed as each one came up empty. He pressed his hands against the
counter in defeat for a few seconds before punching it, making a loud blunt
sound echo through the dorm. His knees gave out and he fell to the ground
quietly sobbing in misery.
Petra sat in front of him and collected his face in her hands. She thumbed at
his tears and leaned her forehead against his.
“What’s wrong, Rivialle?”
“I lost it. I lost the key. I can’t lose the key, but I did. I lost it.” The
key Levi was speaking of was one he was given by his caretaker in France. He
held the key very dear to him, so Petra always assumed that his caretaker was
someone he loved very much. Levi never talked about her and Petra never made
him, and she decided to leave it at that. It was gold and Levi had put it on
his key ring, even though he said it was useless and meant nothing to him.
She pulled away from him and reached into her pocket, pulling the key out. He
had left it at her place a couple nights ago when it fell of his key ring and
he was too lazy to put it back on.
“You mean this?”
 
===============================================================================
 
 
Levi- January, 1999
Funny thing, your brain, how it always functions on one level or another. How,
even stuck in some sort of subconscious limbo, it works your lungs, your muscle
twitches, your heart, in fact, in symphony with your heart, allowing it to feel
love. Pain. Jealousy. Guilt. Levi wondered if it was the same way for other
users. Or if he was the only one that was allowed into this second dimension of
reality.
Of course this he only entered this world for a short amount of period before
the affect wore off.
Most people prefer the Rush meth gifts; the Rush is the first thing to hit your
body when you first take in any form of meth, and that’s exactly what it’s
like: a hit. Levi could only imagine it had the same impact that a semi-truck
had when crashing into a car. It starts out like a warm numbing feeling in your
chest. It makes your pulse race as it reaches your heart and makes your
thoughts skyrocket when it melts into your head. It feels good-insanely good. A
good no happiness, no kiss, no orgasm, no nothing can provide.
It lights your mind ablaze with new ideas and every single thought feels like a
new discovery. Except it’s not. It’s just a perfectly sculpted lie that leaves
you craving for more because it’s never like the first time.
Levi thought about taking another hit, but decided against it. He would have to
go back to his room and be confronted by Moblit and probably Hanji soon. He
glanced over at his newly made friend.
“What’s your name again?” The girl seemed to still be going through the Rush
and was smiling at the ceiling blissfully. Her soft blonde curls bounced as she
spoke touching her shoulders with their tips.
“Levi.”
She hummed. “It’s Hitch, by the way. I have a feeling you couldn’t remember
mine either.” She turned her head towards him with an all too knowing look.
Levi slumped further down the wall until his head lay nicely on the carpet
floor of Hitch’s room. Hitch had the rare luck of not being stuck with a
roommate, so they needn’t worry about being walked in on. The staff of the
school didn’t care if boys were in girls’ rooms or vice versa until 8pm. At
that time they would come barging in and take you hostage to who knows where;
probably Hell.
“So, what got you into Glass?” Glass meaning Meth. Levi had heard many
nicknames for the drug over the years. There was Crystal, Crank, Glass, Amp,
Speed, Crunch, Chalk, and the list kept growing. Levi preferred calling it
Monster. Because that’s exactly what it was: a monster. One that consumes your
entirety, your life, your body, and your loved ones. It enslaved your mind onto
a one-track record of destruction.
“The usual. Bad life, bad neighborhood, good drugs…” His words were slightly
slurred but came out well enough to be understood.
She hummed again.
“What about you?” He asked.
“I’m not sure. I guess I just wanted to feel good.” She looked over at him, but
continued. “It’s just so hard to feel good. You know?”
Levi knew. And more than that it was just so incredibly hard to feel.
Chapter End Notes
     I promise there will be Ereri soon ^^ Even I'm over here like for
     fuck's sake when will they love each other.
     Next chapter: Reiner throws a party at his parents??
     --Edit: I changed the meaning of the Key--
***** Hatred *****
Chapter Summary
     'Hatred is a strong emotion and it tends to consume it's hosts.'
Chapter Notes
     *sighs* My name's Oriana and I am a comma-addict. Seriously, we
     should have a meeting or something because I swear I give English
     teachers all around the world stomach ulcers.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
The music resonated throughout Eren’s body as he made his way to the stereo; it
was blaringly loud to the point that he couldn’t tell whether the song had
lyrics or if he was just mistaking them for the beat.
He turned it off earning groans from his companions.
“Who touched my stereo?!” Reiner called from the kitchen where he was pulling
beers out of the fridge. By some miracle, Reiner’s parents had left their
gigantic house to Reiner while they were gone for the weekend. Honestly, they
would have been better off had they never told Reiner they were leaving, that
way they could salvage the house. But they did which meant the home was
unoccupied; therefore, completely and totally available to hold a party. Or at
least that was Reiner’s reasoning.
Eren had stopped by the bar after classes, wanting to catch up with Annie after
unconsciously ignoring her for the past month. She was closing the bar early
when Eren got there, and had invited him to come along with her. He had assumed
their destination was her apartment, but he really couldn’t care less where
they were going as long as it was far from his own home. Eren absentmindedly
rubbed at the newly forming bruise under his ribs, at the thought of home.
He was just glad his dad hadn’t damaged his face or any visible body parts like
the last time. The teenager didn’t want a repeat of the interrogation Levi made
him undergo. Especially since things were going smoothly between the two. Levi
no longer bothered him about his injuries and carried out his duties as a
teacher. Although, unlike other students, Eren, was the only one that Levi, in
his own way, went easier on.  Hanji insisted that Levi thought of Eren as a
friend, and as the days went by Eren came to agree.
On some occasions where both boys were dragged by Hanji to coexist outside of
school, Eren would catch Levi smiling at something stupid Eren said or did even
though the man tried to hide it with his cup of coffee or tea. Other times he
would ruffle Eren’s hair like he was dog or say brat or kid with less
animosity, and Eren would be lying if he said his stomach didn’t flip every
time these things happened.
He shook his head in attempt to rid his thoughts of Levi, and dealt with the
task at hand: mentally preparing himself for the chaos Reiner’s party would
bring.
“Was it you, Jaeger?” Reiner had come out of the kitchen, and was now pointing
at Eren with a beer bottle, accusingly.
“Huh?”
“Why on Earth would you be so cruel and turn off the sweet angelic beats of my
music?” The tall blonde moved closer to Eren, with an intimidating grin on his
face.
“Now, now, Rei-Rei we wouldn’t want you to blow a fuse before your party.” Eren
put his index finger on his friend’s muscled chest and pushed him back. Reiner
resisted for a moment before letting out a loud cackle.
He threw his arm around Eren’s neck, playfully, but still crushed Eren with his
weight. “There’s my boy.”
“Don’t break Annie’s doll or she’ll kick your ass.” Jean came in the room out
of seemingly nowhere with Marco, Armin, and Mikasa in tow.
“Gross. You invited horseface?” Eren looked up at Reiner with disappointment,
who had finally let go of him. Reiner shrugged.
Jean was fuming and about to say something when Eren grabbed Armin and ran with
him out the front door. As soon as he was outside the music was back on inside.
Armin squeezed Eren’s hand, “What was that for?”
Eren shrugged and sat on the tall bricked fence that surrounded the property.
“Don’t know, just wanted to get out of there.” He threw a grin towards his best
friend.
Armin’s bright, cropped hair looked orange in the streetlight. He stood there
with an arched brow but eventually sat next to Eren without another question.
“So, tell me. What’s the latest gossip?” Eren wiggled his eyebrows,
suggestively.
Armin scowled. “I don’t know what gossip you’re in search of,” he paused,
“but…” He smiled as Eren bumped his shoulder.
“But what?”
“Hmm, well Mikasa met this girl in one of her classes. Her name’s Mina. They
get along well, and hang out a lot. She’s coming here tonight actually.” He
tapped his feet at the air between his shoes and the ground he couldn’t reach.
“I think Reiner and Bert are going at it.” He added with a soft giggle.
“Well, yeah. That much is obvious.” He thought for a second. “What about Marco
and his horse? They weren’t attached at the hip when they came in the house.”
Armin gaped at him. “What?!” Eren asked feeling uncomfortable under his
friend’s gaze.
“Eren! They broke up last month.” He kicked Eren’s shin.
“Wait, what? Seriously?”
Armin nodded.
“Huh. I would’ve thought they would have gotten married eventually. They’ve
been friends for so long.”
“They still are friends, just not boyfriends.” Armin looked quizzically at
Eren.
“I never got that. How can you be friends with your ex? It’s just weird.” Armin
hummed in acknowledgment to his comment.
They stayed silent for a while just looking up at the barely noticeable stars.
It’s difficult to see them when you’re so close to the city; specifically, New
York City, whose lights obscure the sky’s own.
Their peaceful silence did not last long. A car, followed by a tail of dozens
of other ones pulled up to the street. Out popped Sasha and Connie from one of
the vehicles, filling the prior silence with laughter.
Eren threw his head back and grumbled. The party had started.
--
Eren had been wrong when he believed that the music had been unbearably loud
earlier because it was much, much louder now. He moved to lower part of the
house where most of his friends had gone.
A couple people greeted him as he walked down the stairs recognizing him from
college. After news had broken out about the fight he was in people had started
to reach out to him and make more of an effort to be his friend. He didn’t know
of it was because they wanted to be on his good side so they wouldn’t end up
like the guy in the parking lot or if they just moved along with the majority
of the crowd, but they practically worshipped him.
The jocks were fairly fond of him and he had gotten countless of invites to
keggers from people he had never heard of and a few insisted he joined the
football or wrestling team to which he awkwardly but kindly rejected. The girls
loved him too- maybe a bit too much. But overall it was nice change to finally
be on the other side of the popularity scale.
It wasn’t that he wanted to be popular; he honestly didn’t give a shit about
it, but it did come with its perks. Armin for one was left alone by jerks and
absolutely adored by the girls that hung around Eren. Even his friends from
high-school seemed to respect him a bit more.
The only people who weren’t too keen on Eren’s growing reputation were his
teachers. Well, besides Hanji and Levi- but only because Levi hadn’t liked him
since the beginning and Hanji was Hanji. All the other ones saw him as a
troublemaker and he swore they graded him harsher because of it.
And then there was Pixis. Oh dear god.
Dot Pixis was his Fitness and Health professor, and Eren couldn’t tell if the
man loved or despised him. Either way, he pushed Eren harder than anyone else
until he reached the brink of exhaustion. All the while, calling him ‘tough
boy’ and ‘beast’ as “encouragements”. After every class he was drenched in
sweat and his body was sore to the touch, but it was worth it because he was
finally developing defined muscles and didn’t look like the awkward lanky
teenager he was before.
Now that he was thinking about it Pixis had to like him because he clearly
remembered when he had been embarrassed in front of the entire track team.
Pixis had pulled him out the locker room and thrown him in front of a crowd of
sweaty kids in green and white uniforms.
“Ya’ see this kid here?” He had grasped Eren’s shoulder and was grinning. “This
is Eren Jaeger and all of ya’ll little whining brats should look up to him and
aspire to be at least half as good as him. He can run a mile in four minutes
and thirty-seven seconds and I have yet to see any of you do so. He can bench
press almost twice as much as your best and doesn’t even break a sweat.”
Eren shifted self-consciously from foot to foot under Pixis side hug. A few
kids scoffed at hearing their coach boast about Eren but most of them just
gawked at him in awe.
Pixis had kept rambling on and on but one thing he said stuck out was when he
called Eren a human Titan (which he had no clue what it was supposed to mean)
but he somewhat liked the sound of it.
The only class he didn’t excel was General Biology, but Hanji had been more
than happy to offer tutoring him when he was supposed to be doing his
punishment hours.
Speaking of the devil, Hanji burst in through door and practically leaped over
the pool table to get to Eren. It was odd to see her wearing something else
than her usual lab coat, but didn’t give much thought to her attire.
“Hanji, I saw you literally like four hours ago,” Eren’s wheezed for air under
his friend’s crushing embrace.
“I know, I know,” she stepped back and brushed off invisible dirt off of her
sweater.
Once she had released Eren and his vision wasn’t distorted by under oxygenation
he realized Levi and another man were standing behind her. Levi looked bored
and disinterested as he scanned the area with disapproving eyes; his exterior
was the complete opposite to the man next to him. The man to Hanji’s right was
a tall blonde and looked as uncomfortable as possible.
He shifted his attention back to Hanji. “You just looked so darn cute.” She
gestured to his outfit. Eren was wearing tight black skinny jeans that were
hell to get into and an oversized green sweater that accentuated his eye color.
He could feel his cheeks blossom pink as he noticed Levi’s gaze settle on him
at Hanji’s comment.
Hanji’s eyes widened as she realized something. “Eren, this is Moblit.” She
waved at the tall blonde next to her.
Eren nodded. “I’ve heard a lot about you.” He smiled and shook Moblit’s hand.
Moblit smiled back. “I hope it was all good things, but knowing Hanji…” His
words drifted off as he looked lovingly at his fiancé who scowled at him.
Eren’s gaze wandered to Levi who was staring right at him. Eren looked away
quickly as heat pooled in his face.
Eren felt someone squeeze his hips making him jump slightly. He glared at Armin
who had appeared out of nowhere.
“Hey guys.” Armin leaned against Eren. Hanji brightened at seeing Armin. The
two had grown close quickly over their love for science, even if Hanji’s
personality would seem overwhelming to Armin’s calmer one.
“Mushroom, I didn’t think you were the party type.” Levi directed towards
Armin.
“I am actually. Eren’s the one who doesn’t like them.” Armin grinned and Levi’s
stare returned to Eren if only for a moment.
“Yet you still drag me out to them.” Eren retorted. It wasn’t that Eren didn’t
enjoy parties, what teenager didn’t? It was just when he drank too much bad
things tended to happen, but it was just boring when he didn’t.
Hanji, Armin, and Moblit were so engrossed in their conversation they didn’t
notice when Levi slipped away or when Eren left soon after.
 
===============================================================================
 
Levi
 
Hanji and Arlert’s yapping had driven Levi somewhere upstairs on the third
floor. The house was unnecessarily big and he didn’t even know who owned it. It
obviously wasn’t Eren or Armin’s, but probably one of their friends considering
they invited Hanji along. Hanji insisted that he go although he didn’t know why
he agreed. It wasn’t liked he was friends with anyone here besides four-eyes
and he was only… acquaintances with Eren. Or whatever you would categorize
their relationship. Either way he didn’t necessarily want to be around the kid.
Something about him seriously unnerved him. Specifically his eyes; they could
strip him from his guard with just a look.
It made him feel vulnerable and naked and he wasn’t sure if it was because he
resembled Izzy or if it was something else. Whatever it was he didn’t want to
deal with it right now.
The music was annoyingly loud and electronic based and the people were loud as
well as they drank themselves into a stupor. It was everything Levi disliked.
It wasn’t clean in any way and it gave him no room to think or breathe, but
somehow he wasn’t having a terrible time. It was almost like he had missed this
type of lifestyle where people weren’t uptight and everyone was just trying to
have fun.
He hadn’t gone to a proper party in probably six years; he hadn’t had time to.
Between Isabel’s death and jail and then Erwin’s constant babysitting Levi
hadn’t had time to return to his old manic ways. Not that he wanted too. He
never wanted to touch drugs ever again but he would be lying if he said he
didn’t miss the excitement about everything else.
At one point someone had handed him a beer and he had ended up sitting on a
couch for a while. He was content on staying there until a couple of rowdy
teenagers came in and started to play a movie. He got up to leave.
The man across the room nodded at him and raised his beer bottle to him. He
eyed Levi the entire time he walked across the room.
Levi smirked. If only the boy knew he was one of the professors at his college.
He started to walk down a hall when he passed a bathroom and stopped. It was
dimly lit and closed half-way, and he could hear a familiar snorting sound.
He stood there for couple of seconds contemplating whether to open the door or
not. Even though he was still thinking his hand had already made up its mind
and was starting to move the door open.
There were four kids in the large bathroom. One guy was lying in the bathtub
and two others were on the floor. The girl directly in front of Levi was
hunched over the sink. She tipped her head back with her fingers on her nose;
she sniffed and let out a low chuckle.
Levi’s prediction had been correct; they were doing drugs. The girl was
probably snorting cocaine and one of the guys was cutting up small white
crystals with a razor blade on the toilet seat. Levi scrunched his face in
disgust. It was unsanitary and he had vowed to never touch any form of drug
ever again. He knew this, but for some reason he wasn’t walking away.
The girl in front of him turned around. She was ghastly pale and her light
brown eyes were rimmed red. She stared at Levi and pushed her hair back before
wiping her nose with the back of her hand.
“Want some?”
Levi’s heart was pounding hard beneath the skin that felt clammy and cold.
He stared at the girl taking the environment in. It smelt heavily of sweat and
alcohol and there was a slight sweet aroma in the air that probably belonged to
the girl’s perfume.
He wanted to say yes so badly. He wanted nothing more than to give in and go
back to what was normalcy to him, but he couldn’t. His feet were planted to the
ground as if they were a part of it, and he couldn’t step forward to accept her
invitation nor could he back away.
But on the off chance his feet decide to cooperate with him what would happen
next? He was telling himself no but since when has no ever meant no, truly and
honestly, without any doubt or want. He was telling himself no but the only
thing he could process was yes.
What would happen if- and that was a big, big if- he decided to turn away?
Would he go back down stairs and find Hanji and Eren and immerse himself into a
conversation he didn’t actually want to be in? Would he let loose and drink
until the blood in his veins was drowned in alcohol? Maybe he wouldn’t do any
of these things. Maybe he didn’t want to turn away. Close the door. Take a peek
into the past.
Maybe he wanted to be young again. Free. Invincible.
What would happen if-and it was a big if- he decided to play Russian roulette
with an old opponent?
Would everything change as it did before?
Would he be the same as before- living without purpose, yet alive for some
reason?
Maybe things wouldn’t be so simple. Perhaps, the second dip into the shallow
end wasn’t shallow at all but filled with the depths of insanity and despair.
But it was better than this. Right? Living this life as if he wasn’t tainted
and haunted by his mistakes. Like he wasn’t the devil among mortals. Like he
hadn’t actually been the monster parents tell their kids about: because
monsters are never men who turn into wolves on the full moon or attractive
assholes who drain you of every last drop of blood in your body. No. Monsters,
and demons, and beasts are none of these things.
They’re the people you love most; the ones you let inside your walls. They’re
the ones you hand your heart to when they mouth the three words “I love you”.
Because “I love you” sounds awfully like “I lied to you” and “Levi” sounds a
lot like “Evil”.
Levi was Evil because evil was within Levi, making his blood a sickly black and
his heart cripple and die. He was contaminated because his hands were not
clean. Because even if he was infatuated with cleaning and disgusted by dirt he
could never clean the blood off his hands. Because Levi was one of those
monsters. He was the one who was responsible for his sister’s death. He was a
killer. A murderer. And all that was left after Isabel left this world was
hate.
Hatred was strong emotion, and it tended to consume it’s hosts.
He hated drugs, because they ruined his life.
He hated his parents-his real ones- because they gave up on him and started the
chain reaction of disappointment.
He hated Isabel for loving him, and her parents for forgiving him.
He hated that asshole, Kenny, who controlled his every action and emotion in
his life. The one who yanked the collar around his neck told him when to
breathe and how high to jump even if Levi had no legs. The same man who had
stripped him of his childhood innocence.
He hated Farlan because Farlan hated him.
He hated Petra because she left him, yet he still loved her.
He hated Hanji and Erwin for still being by his side even though he didn’t
deserve it.
He hated God- fuck, did he hate that son of a bitch- for taking Isabel away
before it was her time.
But most of all he hated himself, because he was still breathing.
So did it really matter whether he ruined his already screwed life for the
millionth time?
“Levi?”
He turned to his left trying desperately to focus on the voice instead of the
euphoria the girl was offering him.
It was Eren. What was he doing here? Oh yeah, this was his friend’s party.
Eren’s big wide orbs bore into Levi, and he looked wounded and scared. But Levi
could tell the fear was meant for Levi.
And although Levi had ended up on this side of the house because he wanted to
get away from those pair of eyes he ended up relieved to see them.
They had given him the reminder of why he had to say no. Because, they looked
like Isabel’s and he had to be strong for her; he owed her.
Levi gave a sigh of relief and moved away from the scene in the bathroom. He
grabbed Eren’s wrist and started making his way out of that house.
“Come on; let’s get out of here, Bright Eyes.”
 
===============================================================================
 
Eren
 
Hanji hadn’t lost sight of him for the entire party and she wouldn’t let him
leave.
Right this second her eyes were glued to him as he spoke with Connie about the
first time they got high in high school.
She wanted to talk and Eren certainly didn’t. He had a bad feeling about what
it was about, and he had no clue how she had caught on.
He hadn’t told her his dad was back in town, and as far as he knew Mikasa or
Armin hadn’t either.
So, how, how did she know about the bruises that bloomed over his ribcage
crying vivid lilac and blue? How did she know it pained him every time he
laughed or coughed?
He was growing increasingly anxious of the inevitable conversation. What would
she do? Would she confront him? What if she told somebody and Dad went to jail?
He can’t go to jail. No matter how much he feared the man and how much his
chest clenched and bile rose in his throat every time his dad spoke, he
couldn’t let him go to jail. If he went to jail, that meant Eren and more
importantly Mikasa wouldn’t have the financial support to go to college. He
didn’t want to ruin Mikasa’s future for selfish reasons.
If his dad was out of the picture completely that meant Mikasa would have lost
another set of parents. It also meant she would have to take the role as Eren’s
guardian. She already mothered him, and he didn’t want to put more
responsibility on her shoulders.
If he had to continue to go through pain for the ones he loved it was okay.
It was better to receive pain than inflict it.
He kept telling himself this as Hanji sauntered over to him.
“Eren.” He beamed a fake smile at her and hoped she wouldn’t see the cracks in
his mask.
She did.
“Just drop it.” She hissed in a hushed voice.
“Drop, what?” He tried to play the dumb card, but she didn’t buy it.
“Come with me.” Her words had no room for argument so he did.
Eren followed her with clenched fists and shaky breaths the whole way.
Hanji pulled him into a bathroom after knocking on it to make sure they
wouldn’t barge in on someone taking a shit.
She stared at Eren expectantly with crossed arms and pursed lips.
“You know, your boyfriend might get jealous if you keep dragging me off to
places.” He joked. She was not amused.
“Lift up your shirt.”
Her command made Eren’s brain short-circuit. He had never thought she would ask
him something like this. Sure he was prepared for her anger and accusations but
to demand to see proof-evidence. Evidence that could be used against his dad-
against his family. That wasn’t something he had thought of.
“What? Why… No, I-I,” he stumbled over his words trying to figure out why the
bathroom seemed to have gotten smaller, “No.”
She glared at Eren, her eyes blazing with anger behind her rectangle glasses.
He fumbled in the small space and thumbed the circular mark around his thumb.
She noticed. “What’s that?” Her words were softer.
“Wha- Oh this,” he looked down at the self-inflicted crescent scar, “it’s
nothing. I’ve always had it. I think Mikasa bit me when I was little or
something.” He lied. Well, partially. He did have it from when he was little.
Whenever he cried he was afraid people would hear him so he would bite the
space right below the thumb’s knuckle as a way to muffle his sobs. It wasn’t
until after his dad started beating him that he returned to the habit and it
left a more permanent scar.
“She must have bit you hard.” God fucking dammit why did he have to befriend
someone so smart?
 Eren laughed nervously in agreement.
“Still…” she drawled the word out, “I need to see your stomach, Eren.” She
pleaded him.
“I can’t.” What did she think? That he was going to willingly give her evidence
to work against his father. Even if that hadn’t mattered to him it wasn’t like
he was proud of them and wanted to shove them into people’s faces as if saying
“here look at how weak and pathetic I am! I can’t even protect myself against
my own fucking father”.
“Please, Eren. I need to know. I worry about you, just please. Trust me.”
“Do you promise not to tell anyone?”
“You know I can’t do that anymore.”
He frowned but lifted his shirt anyway.
Hanji gasped slightly and her hand went to her mouth as she observed the
sickening bruise that was forming over old scars.
“Oh, Eren.” But he couldn’t take it. He couldn’t stand the look she had on her
face.
She pitied him. So he left.
 
===============================================================================
 
Levi
 
“Come on; let’s get out of here, Bright Eyes.”
Levi tugged at Eren’s wrist and led him out of the house eventually coming to
the same place he had been earlier that night with Armin.
They ended up sitting on the lawn though instead of the rocks, but Levi didn’t
know this of course.  Levi leaned back and pillowed his head with his arms.
He hadn’t said a thing since Eren found him and he didn’t know what or how to
say anything to the kid.
He wasn’t sure what Eren had seen but by the look on his face, he had seen
enough. He had no idea what the fuck happened to him back there. He had lost
all restraint and progress that he had built over the last few years, and he
was going to blow it all off- for what? A few snorts of a drug he never fancied
at a party he wasn’t even meant to be at?
Either way had it not been for Eren he would’ve broken his promise to Isabel.
And if he had he wouldn’t have been able to live with himself.
He smiled to himself. That stupid brat was worth more than he gave him credit
for.
The moon was shining clear through the sky and the stars were finally able to
shine without the clouds blocking them. Even if it was only dimly.
The moon’s light made Eren’s eyes shine brighter as well, and he could say
confidently that no other light did them justice. Those eyes. They weren’t
completely green as he had previously thought. In this light they looked bluer
than anything but they weren’t the dull grey blue that Levi possessed. The more
he looked at them the less he was able to distinguish their color.
Eren felt his gaze and turned to look at him sheepishly, but Levi didn’t look
away; he couldn’t nor did he want to.
“The stars are nice today.” Eren blurted out. Neither of them made an effort to
look at them though.
“Well, you know with the whole being able to see them part. I mean since it’s
New York City and all and it’s hard to…see…them.” He stopped babbling once he
noticed Levi’s look.
“Sometimes I tolerate your existence and then you open your mouth.”
Eren puffed. “How can you blame me? You were staring at me and I got nervous.”
“Some things are better to look at than the stars, Bright Eyes.” Levi turned
away but not before noticing Eren’s growing blush. There was a moment of
silence before Eren continued.
“You’re suddenly nicer. Did you have brain altering surgery? Or do you just
have a major case of bi-polar disorder?” Eren’s shit grin spread from ear to
ear.
“Who said I was nice.” Levi frowned.
“Well, you stopped calling me brat.”
“That doesn’t mean you stopped being one.” Levi smirked as Eren laughed. His
heart constricted painfully at the sound of Eren’s beautiful laugh. It was too
pure; too innocent and untouched. It was everything Levi was not.
“Hey, kid.” Eren responded immediately to Levi’s voice and looked at him
expectantly like a damn puppy.
“Thank you.”
Eren gasped dramatically. “He knows the words thank you.”
Levi glared and was tempted to hit him on the head.
He added shortly after, “It’s no problem.” Eren looked at Levi with a look Levi
couldn’t decipher. “You looked like you needed help, and that’s what friends
are for right?”
His heart sank at Eren’s words but skipped beats on the way down. “Yeah.” Levi
muttered softly.
Hate was a strong emotion.
He hated Eren Jaeger because he didn't hate him at all.
Chapter End Notes
     I just wanted to say thank you lovelies for reading because I haven't
     before, so THANK YOU!
     Next Chapter: I'm just going to say it'll take a happier route than
     the rest of my chapters ;)
***** Regulations *****
Chapter Summary
     Mentions of substances because what else is this fic even about.
     Written in different POVs than usual.
     Hints of JeanArmin because that's a thing.
Chapter Notes
     Agh, Hi. Yeah this is late but I'm moving right now to New York, ha
     ha ha (Eren lives in NY too) and my computer has a virus so I had to
     write this on my mom's shitty laptop. Anyhow, Jesus Lord guys you got
     me to 1k! Thank you so much for reading ^^
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Armin
 
After their little reunion with Hanji, Armin had lost track of his green eyed
best friend, and ended up wandering around the house in hopes of finding
someone familiar. Eventually he did, and once he had he arrived grumpily; two
people had asked him if he was even old enough to be here.
It was Mikasa’s friend, Mina, who he had bumped into. She turned around about
to glare at Armin, but her gaze softened upon realizing it was him. Honestly,
the girl was as sweet as a pie and completely unaggressive, but her glares felt
as bad as getting roundhouse kicked in the gut.
“Armin.” She pulled the honey blonde in for a warm hug before he could greet
her back. Once she let go he noticed that Mikasa had been standing behind her.
“Thank God, I found you guys. Eren ditched me.” He muttered the word “asshole”
quickly after. Mikasa’s eyes widened from her half closed slits to the size of
saucers; maybe he shouldn’t have said that.
“Do you know where he is?” Mikasa asked as she stepped into his personal space
with her disapproving crossed arms.
“Uh…” Armin wasn’t sure whether to lie to her or not, and if he did he didn’t
know why he would. It wasn’t like Eren was doing anything bad. Well. He hoped.
Mina quickly came to his rescue, and grabbed her friends arm. “Mikasa, don’t
butcher the boy. I’m sure your brother is fine.” She beamed a small smile that
seemed to calm Mikasa a bit.
“As long as he’s not with that midget or the one with glasses.” She gestured to
her face when talking about who he assumed was Hanji.
“You mean Professors’ Levi and Hanji?”
She nodded sourly.
Ever since she heard of their involvement in the fight between Eren and Armin’s
bully, Mikasa had been wary of the two. Even though Armin had explained that
they were in no way the cause of it nor did they encourage it, she wouldn’t
listen. She claimed that the two were bad influences anyways and that he
shouldn’t get attached to his professors and pay more attention to his studies
than his teacher and that he should hang out with people his own age and her
list kept growing. 
Armin still felt guilty about that fight and dragging Eren into his problems.
He should’ve manned up and fought his own battles instead of having his friends
do it for him like they had for most of his life.
At least the bullies had left both him and Eren alone after that. Actually, he
hadn’t heard or seen the greasy bastard since. Maybe he dropped out of the
university. It was probably just wishful thinking on his part though.
“Armin, meh boy!” He was torn away from his guilt ridden thoughts by a familiar
voice: Sasha’s.
The brunette threw an arm around his neck causing him to hunch slightly. As
always, Connie was right behind her and so were two other girls he hadn’t seen
before. On his almost bald friend’s left was a tall brooding tan freckled
brunette and on his right was petite girl, smaller than Armin, with bleach
blonde hair and doll-like blue eyes. He had never seen the two before but he
assumed they had acquainted themselves with Sasha and Connie.
“This dashing beauty is Ymir,” Connie waved at the brunette who in turn sneered
at him. “And this pretty little thing is Krista.” He then waved at the blonde
girl who giggled at her introduction. Ymir he noticed was not too fond at how
close Connie had gotten to the other girl. Perhaps, they were a couple.
Armin, Mina, and Mikasa all introduced themselves to the two girls and not too
long after they were all sitting on the floor of one of the empty guest rooms.
They were later joined by Jean and Marco who were the definition of awkward
when sitting next to each other. Jean ended up scooting closer to Armin making
their knees touch. Occasionally, Jean would brush shoulders with him or whisper
something in his ear that would cause him to either laugh or blush.
Not because of what he said but mostly because of the close proximity and
having Jean's hot breath on his neck for some reason made him feel woozy as if
he had just spun in circles ten times.   
“No, but get this. Armin ended being the maid and they dressed him up in this
slutty get up and when he got up on stage he fainted!” Connie barked out a
laugh at his storytelling.
Armin groaned and placed his hands over his tomato red face. “I had to!”
“In what world do you voluntarily dress up as a whorey maid?” Ymir asked which
earned her an elbow to the rib from Krista.
“You don’t understand. I was the manager and the actress was sick and her
understudy was stuck in traffic.” He grumbled.
“None of the other girls around were slim enough to fit into the outfit and
Armin was the only one who could pull it off and still look like a girl.” Sasha
snickered as she explained for him.
“And that ladies and gentlemen is the story of Armin Arlert’s first and last
appearance on stage.” Connie pointed his index finger up to emphasize the
sentence. The group burst into laughter except for Mikasa who gave him a
sympathetic but amused look.
Jean leaned into him. "Cheer up, I bet you looked cute in a maid's outfit." He
whispered into Armin's ear. "I know I wouldn't have minded." Armin Arlert
blushed furiously like never before.
Armin groaned into his tucked in knees for the umpteenth time that night.
 
===============================================================================
 
Annie
 
A bemused blue eyed Annie leaned on the door frame to one of the guest rooms.
Her friends, excluding Reiner and Bertolt, sat strewn across the room’s floor
hackling about a joke that assumingly, due to the boy’s behavior, Armin was the
butt of. The button nosed boy had his face hiding in the crook of his elbow but
not even it could hide the shade of red his face had become.
She chuckled to herself and walked over to him. Leaning down, she tousled his
silky honey hair.
“They teasing you, Arlert?” She asked, a smile tainting her serious tone.
He nodded. “Kill them for me?” Armin looked up at her and pouted, making his
lip quiver and his big baby blue eyes water. That bastard always knew how to
stir up emotions in Annie. Normally, she would have carried out his request
without a thought. She had beat up Connie once when he got too rough with Armin
and had made him cry. But that was in their sophomore year of high school when
they were all still fresh in the mind and to be frank, stupid.
“Please, don’t kill us.” The voice came from a small blonde girl that looked
like the carbon copy of Armin, except with boobs and longer hair. Annie hadn’t
met her before or the tan amazon girl next to her.
Annie raised her eyebrows questioningly. “That depends on who you are.”
“K-Krista Lenz and she’s Ymir,” Krista spluttered out the reply with frantic
eyes; she actually believed Annie would beat her up. Then again, many of her
current friends admitted they had thought the same when first meeting her.
“Relax.” Annie plopped down next to Armin and nudged him with her shoulder,
rousing him from his slumber of humiliation.
“Was it the maid story?” She whispered into his ear.
He pulled away with a slight giggle; Armin’s ears and neck and that general
area were very sensitive when someone breathed or blew on it, but that never
stopped Annie from doing it whenever she could.
Armin nodded anyhow.
Annie felt a clammy hand on her shoulder. She recognized it immediately, and
looked up Bertolt, a smile playing at the corner of her lips.
“Reiner wants to talk.”
The smile diminished.
--
Annie heaved herself into the desk chair in Reiner’s dad’s office. The leather
recliner consumed her small frame, yet she still looked intimidating, and
Bertolt was feeling the brunt of the hostility she emanated. He stood awkwardly
by the door waiting for Reiner like an obedient dog. Annie dropped her gaze
from the boy.
Bertolt seemed almost unsettling to her nowadays. He used to be so lively and
optimistic, always laughing when he tripped or made a mistake. But now he
laughed due to anxiousness, and only around Reiner.
It was funny how easily things could change. How something that once seemed so
solid now hangs by a thread.
She looked back at Bertolt. This time not to glare or sneer at him but just to
look. The concoction of emotions that stirred inside her weren’t the same as
before. She didn’t feel a hint of love that she held for him once nor did she
feel the friendship they had shared as kids. What she felt towards him wasn’t
hatred or disgust but it leaned towards that general area.
Besides the now and then pity she had, she felt impassive towards him.
Now, the story altered a bit when it came to Reiner. No, the hell with that.
The story basically halted and jumped of the pages of the book when it came to
him. Annie had always put up with him during high school because he was Bert’s
friend and that was that. So when he offered to be her and Bert’s roommate and
pay a third of the rent she couldn’t exactly say no. Then when she broke up
with Bert and things between them began to strain Reiner served as a buffer
around the house.
And now- now things reallyhad changed. Now none of them were friends or really
mutually liked each other; they were strictly… business partners.
Speaking of the devil, Reiner came bursting in the door with three beers in
hand and a shit-eating grin on his face. He shoved one of the bottles into
Bert’s arms who laughed nervously while accepting it and placed the other on
the desk next to Annie. She looked at as if he had just handed his shit to her
in a plastic bag.
“Come on, Sourpuss let’s get down to business. Bertie make sure no one comes
even an inch near that door.” Reiner shouted to the brunette and started to
open the laptop that sat on the desk they shared. Annie leaned left as Reiner’s
musk started to invade her personal space.
The business they ran was different to most and it wasn’t really theirs. It was
a part of a much larger scheme of networks that they were a fraction of.
First and for most there was Reiner: he was what people liked to call “the
Pitt”. Annie preferred the term colossal asshole but that apparently “didn’t
settle well with customers”. More like Reiner complained about it until their
boss said okay. He was called the Pitt because he did the brunt of the work and
was the one who was used to collect the fees. And when the money wasn’t
received he was the one who dealt out the beatings. He was ferocious and
unpredictable like a trained fighting pit-bull and once you were in his jaws he
wouldn’t let go, only bite down harder. Anniethought it was because he looked
like a dog, but she guessed it was just her.
Bert was the armor of the place and played “Knight of the perimeter”. What it
meant was that he found out the weak spots in the police system-where they
patrolled, when they patrolled, and who was on the job- and attacked those
areas when they were defenseless; breaking down an outer wall to let in
recruiters.
Annie served as the main Recruiter for their faction. She brought in the
customers and eventually the money. It was easy with her job at the bar to pick
up sleazes.  She was the one you contacted when you wanted more or wanted in on
the job.
Of course there was one of the minor members, Mina, or the “Hypnotist”. She was
a recruiter like Annie herself and used her pretty face to mesmerize guys into
becoming customers. Annie didn’t care for the girl; she thought she was just as
fake as her role.
Ymir their newest member gained the reputation as “Serpent”. That was her name
due to her constant meddling in people’s business. Well, that’s what Annie
thought. Her job was to finds the rats in their system and cut them off.
Honestly, the names were so dramatic Annie wondered who was in charge of coming
up with them.
Rats were members of the network that dealt out what had already been dealt
out. Basically, they took your package and sold it at a lower price so that
more people would come to them.
Rule #1 (of the Unspoken but known Rules)- Rats will always be exterminated.
Reiner finally pulled up the webcam and a face appeared on the screen.
Then there was their boss: Hitch. Annie wasn’t sure if that was her real name
but the woman had been going by it for as long as she could remember.
There were other members of their faction that held their area of New York;
most of them were recruiters or dealers like herself and Reiner. There were 15
members in her faction of the network-the smallest fraction- that held the
title as the model for the system. They brought in the most money with the
least casualties. They were legendary, and together they held a part of the
largest drug cartel in New York.
--
Hitch’s face vanished as soon as it came; she only wanted to make her weekly
check up on her favorite division. Annie could care less about their boss at
the moment; her mind was too preoccupied with thinking of ways to suffocate
Reiner. The idiot had mentioned a possible new member for the team. He said he
was a part of the same University he and Bert went to and since the school was
so damn big and Reiner took care of section Sina and Bert section Rose then the
kid could take care of section Maria since his classes were there. Bert
seconded the idea because he said that section was the only part they had no
clienteles in and he had already checked that although the principle’s courters
were there the place was generally safe.
Honestly the idea sounded fine and great and Annie couldn’t have cared less
until Reiner mentioned who he thought would be perfect for the spot.
“I am not letting you drag Eren into this hellhole!” Annie fumed. Her nails
were making indents on the wood of the overly-priced desk.
“Why not? The kid can certainly take care of himself and the money’s good.”
Reiner took a swig of his beer from his idle spot on the couch.
“Because he’s an outsider.” Annie said.
Rule #2- Never tell an outsider about the network unless they are a customer or
member.
“He won’t be once he joins.” Annie shot a furious look at Bertolt for
supporting Reiner.
“Yeah he’s right,” Reiner got up, “Look I get it if you don’t want him to be a
dealer like me because of the risks-even if he’d totally be prefect for it- but
he could do well as a recruiter too.”
“He’s not going to be a dealer or recruiter because he’s not fucking joining.”
Annie pushed herself up from her seat. She hadn’t felt this angered in a long
time, but it was nice to feel something even if it was the knot of worry that
entwined in her stomach.
“Annie, I know he’s our friend but he could be valuable to the network, and
it’s not like he would be living badly.” Bert’s voice was barely audible over
the girl’s shouting.
Rule #3- the Network always comes first.
Well, fuck the Network. Annie was not going to let her friend get dragged into
the soul sucking criminal life she lived.
“I don’t care about the damn Network. We’re doing fine as it is!”
“Annie. You’re just being unreasonable now.”
“Shut the fuck up Bertolt,” she pointed at Reiner, “no. I am not letting you
drag another innocent being into this like you did to us. You’re such an
asshole to even suggest it, Reiner. He could get arrested. Our friend could get
arrested.”
Reiner’s fury started to match Annie’s and he took a step forward. “We can all
get arrested Annie what makes him so damn special?”
He huffed and threw his hands into the air. “I don’t understand why you’re
making such a big deal about it. It was just a suggestion.”
“You don’t get it do you,” the blonde’s nails dug into her palms and she could
vaguely feel the sting of flesh being pierced but she didn’t pay attention to
it.
“He has a life. He has family who cares about him and he’s doing well in life.
You, and me and Bert: we are in this mess because we had to because you brought
us here because no one was there to support us or tell us ‘Hey kids don’t be
drug dealers’. He doesn’t have to! That’s what makes him so damn special. He’s
not just another bum on the street looking for a way to make cash. He’s not
like us. So, yeah he doesn’t deserve to get arrested like we do.
But because you’re a selfish prick you already endangered him! You know Hitch
will never let him go now, and now he’s down for like the rest of us.”
Annie bored her eyes into Reiner making any retorts die with what she said
next. “He’s going to die with six bullet holes in his chest because of you.”
And with that she left the room silent.
Rule #4- Don’t recruit members if they have a life worth keeping.
Chapter End Notes
     Laughs because this chapter was short as hell and there was no Ereri
     in it :)
     In case you didn't notice Hitch is the same Hitch as Levi's Hitch.
     Did you guys enjoy the other POV's? I think I'll do more Annie ones
     in the future to explain the "Network" and all but that's probably
     it.
     Next Chapter: Levi's really really really sad past. God Dammit I hate
     Kenny.
***** Built for Sin *****
Chapter Summary
     WARNING: contains rape and child abuse. If you don't want to read
     that scene just skim through it but don't skip the entire chapter its
     essential to understanding Levi.
     Translations for French will be in the end notes.
Chapter Notes
     omg ok. So I was gone for a while. I just moved to New York and then
     immediately went to Taiwan and Japan. It's amazing over there!! The
     food the arcades the stores the people were great. There were a bunch
     of ads for animes at the MRT stations. I'm surprised how popular
     Haikyu is over in Japan ^,^ and i found like 5 kaneki ken look alikes
     so that was great.
     ANYWAYS a while back someone sent me a picture on tumblr of what they
     imagined Eren and Levi look like in this fic and now i cant think of
     them differently like wow thanks anon: http://www.zerochan.net/
     1627306#full
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Levi
 
“Drapetomania: an overwhelming urge to run away.”
Rivialle skimmed his index finger over the scripture rubbing it against the
slight indents in the page. Today was the day he would move into his new home.
He had been packing non-stop for the last two days- mostly to please his
caretaker Anna. Along the way he had realized he didn’t have much to pack. With
the constant shift from home to orphanage to home, Rivialle had lost most of
what he had owned when staying at his previous foster homes. Almost everything
he had stuffed into his small backpack was small trinkets from the orphanage.
A couple things that he hadn’t allowed any other eyes to browse were gifts from
Anna. He had three that he held dear. One was a pressed flower Anna had
collected in the garden one morning; he used the withering red beauty as a
bookmark. The second one was a wooden carving of a dove that Anna’s brother had
left for him before he moved to America in search ‘of better things’.
The third he held.
It was a small pocket book that was barely bigger than his two palms but held
thousands of letters hand written, all new and odd.
When Rivialle was told that a man was interested in adopting him and that that
man lived in America, Rivialle had instantly rejected the idea and the prospect
of having to learn a new language.
He more than rejected it he outright went animalistic. He started throwing
things and screaming. He yelled at Anna’s attempts at calming him saying that
“He knew she always hated him” and that “She wanted to get rid of him like his
parents did”. Anna had stood upright at the last retort and backhanded him;
Rivialle could still feel the burning sting in his cheek at the memory.
Anna left after that for a couple of days. When she came back later that week
on a late night to check on her kids she found Rivialle sitting in what had to
have been hurricane level rain. He was wailing and sobbing, cradling his legs
as his body rocked in the wind.
Anna had sat in the car in shock for a moment wondering how he had slipped past
the other adults and why no one had noticed his absence, before rushing out the
door. As soon as she stepped out of the vehicle she was drenched and she hoped
Rivialle hadn’t been out there long.
She scooped up a howling boy in her arms and ran inside. She ran past other
attendants who were scrambling from room to room trying to keep everything
under control under the storms reign. Anna took Rivialle into the employees’
personal bathroom; with the chaos around them she wouldn’t be punished for
taking him in there.
She turned the faucet on to one of the tubs and plopped Rivialle inside.
“Mon chéri,what were you doing out in the cold?” She wiped his forehead with a
hot wet towel. Rivialle sniffled and leaned into her touch, still ghastly cold
and shivering.
“I’m sorry, Anna.” Tears streamed down his puffy swollen cheeks. “I-I thought
you h-had left me… thought you were like all the rest.”
“I was s-screaming at God. You always say…there for us but… never there for me.
I was mad.” Some of his words were cut off by the constant chatter of his
teeth.
Anna thumbed at his tears. “Oi, look at me. I don’t ever want you to think I
would ever leave you. Tu as mon coeur,and I cannot leave my heart behind.”
She hugged the naked cold boy to her chest. “Don’t you ever scare me like that
again.” Rivialle nodded into her bosom.
Later that night as Rivialle huddled into his blankets and all the other boys
slept he heard the hushed conversation outside the door.
“Why didn’t anyone notify of his absence?”It was Anna talking to another woman.
“I’m sorry, Madame. We didn’t know.”
“He could have died.”
“We didn’t notice him leave nor did we notice him gone. I am truly sorry
Madame.”
That was the first time Rivialle realized he was rather invisible to the rest
of the world.
He was in every sense of the word: insignificant.
--
“Mon chéri.”  Anna stood at the hem of his bed. Rivialle didn’t answer her
morning call. Instead he threw the blanket over his head. He heard Anna sigh.
There was a dip in the bed as Anna sat next to him. She let her hand fall onto
Rivialle’s small bony hip.
“I know you do not want to leave nor do you want to learn English, but if you
want to please your new father you’ll need to.”
She rubbed slow circles into the small of his back like she always did when he
was sick or afraid. Rivialle didn’t answer. He wanted to and he even opened his
mouth but no words came out. He wanted to tell her that he didn’t want to
please the man and that she should not refer to him as his new father. He
didn’t have a father, he had Anna, and that was all he needed.
But he didn’t say any of these things, so Anna grew tired of waiting. She got
up and left.
When Rivialle finally sat up he realized she had left a book on his bed. There
was a note on the inside of the cover.
 
 Rivialle, I understand your pain and fear, but hopefully this book will help
 you learn to love a new language and world. Je t'aimerai toujours quoi qu'il
                                    arrive.
                    Tu seras toujours dans mon coeur, Anna.
--
Kenny Ackerman was a very tall and slim creature with short, coarse-looking
dark hard that aran to his neck and weaved a beard around his jawline. He stood
tall with a dark fitted gray suit; he completely discarded Rivialle during the
transaction aside from the occasional side glance. But Rivialle was sure it was
only to make sure he was still there.
The orphanage was probably glad they had Anna there considering she was one of
the only staff members whose English was understandable. She informed the man
about Rivialle’s history, health issues, preferences, behavior. All the while
petting his head or squeezing his bony shoulder in reassurance.
Eventually, it came the time to say his good-byes. There weren't many people
though. Some of the other boys in his room spoke to him occasionally but it was
mostly ask for help on school work, and all the rest of the staff either saw
him as a problematic child or were too afraid to upset him and fall beneath
Anna’s wrath.
The only person Rivialle found himself not being able to let go of was Anna.
She was everything to him. She was familiar. She was his family. And he had to
leave her behind.
The tight hugs they shared before he got into a car flashed by him in a blur.
He remembered her whispering she loved him in French and the slight glimmering
in her watery eyes as she looked at him. But he soon started to forget the
sound of her voice and what it felt like to be touched by her. He’d forget the
creases in her forehead or the ones on the curves of her mouth; or that there
was always a piece of hair that would escape her bun and fall into her face. 
He would forget all these minor details but he would never forget how much he
loved her.
--
The plane ride to the US was rather long and mind-numbing; Rivialle spent most
of it reading the booklet Anna gave him. Kenny had bought first class tickets,
so he was the only one who sat next to the boy. Kenny slept through most of the
flight. When he wasn’t he would do crosswords or read newspapers and magazines.
Whenever he asked the boy if he wanted anything to drink or eat with his too
unrealistic smile, Rivialle would reject the offer.
At one point the man had asked Rivialle what was in that book that kept him so
fascinated. His French was pretty bad and a heavy American accent sat on top of
it, but when Rivialle finally deciphered what he had said he felt reluctant to
share.
The book was his and Anna’s secret- a world gifted to him by family that only
he was allowed to dive in. But Anna’s words rang in his head, “I know you do
not want to leave nor do you want to learn English, but if you want to please
your new father you’ll need to.” She was right. From now on the only person he
could rely on was Kenny. No matter how much the thought made him cringe, Kenny
was his new family. He might as well attempt at connecting with him. After all,
he didn’t seem so bad. Yeah he was a bit intimidating at first and tried too
hard, but at least he was trying. That was more than most people did for
Rivialle.
So he showed him. Kenny just smiled, pride welling in his eyes. Rivialle felt
confused. He wasn’t sure why the man felt prideful, but it made something
inside of Rivialle want to do it again.
“I’m glad you are learning.” He patted Rivialle’s head. “Such a smart boy.”
Rivialle beamed at the praise.
Kenny was asleep again and Rivialle was leaning against the window. All he
could see was the gray and white of the clouds they were in and they reflected
how he felt. Mucky and unclear.
There were two words he had learned today that were stuck in his head.
Wanderlust and metathesiophobia.
Wanderlust: a desire to travel, to understand one’s very existence.
Metathesiophobia: a fear of change.
He honestly could relate better to the second word so he wasn’t sure why he
couldn’t stop thinking of wanderlust. Maybe he was scared of change but fate
was ready for a new adventure.
--
During his first month staying with Kenny, Rivialle noticed something peculiar.
Kenny had terrible mood swings.
Some days he came back from work happy to see Rivialle and would pick him up in
his arms telling him how much he had missed him. On a few of those days he
would take Levi out for a car ride to a new city or restaurant. He was all
smiles and hair ruffling those days.
Some days he came home quietly. Wouldn’t utter a word to Rivialle for hours on
end and seemed to be in his own miserable world. On those days he often forgot
to make dinner for the boy or ask him about school. He didn’t sleep much
either. He just sat and stared aimlessly out the glass door of the living room.
Those days had become more frequent and had worsened with time. Whenever
Rivialle tried to stir him out of it anger would cross Kenny’s face. He would
yell at Rivialle to leave him alone or to go to his room. Once Rivialle had
made the mistake of complaining that he was hungry and Kenny had slapped him
saying that if he wanted food that he needed to get himself.
Rivialle had been hit a couple of times by the caretakers at his orphanage and
even by Anna, but they were always because he had done something terrible or
had hurt another boy.
He was confused and hurt. He had grown fond of his new father and yearned to
please him. The more violent he got the more Rivialle reached out to him,
hoping for forgiveness and love.
Kenny rejected his attempts at reconciliation. The weeks became longer and grew
more violent. Some nights Kenny would come back home drunken into a stupor.
Rivialle hated those nights the most.
At first Rivialle had rejoiced at Kenny’s intoxicated behavior. He was kinder
to Rivialle and spent more time hugging him and kissing his head and face. But
he became grabbier, making Rivialle uncomfortable with this show of affection.
Kenny said it was because he loved him and that they were family and this is
how families acted. Rivialle didn’t believe him. Anna was family and she loved
him but she never touched him like that.
Rivialle brushed it off as stupid drunken behavior. Besides he had enough
trouble at school.
The kids at his school were cruel and belligerent. They were mean. They made
fun of his name calling him Ravioli and silly things like that. The teachers
didn’t help either. Making excuses that it was just tomfoolery and child play.
Said teachers didn’t like him anyway because of his trouble with learning
English. He fell behind too much and made too many mistakes for their liking.
With the backlash he felt from school Rivialle turned to Kenny for comfort. He
convinced himself everything he did and said was okay. He convinced himself
that he deserved all the angry remarks and all the beatings and all the slimy
lingering touches.
He was a bad kid and this is what bad kids merited.
--
The creaking of his bedroom door stirred Rivialle from his sleep. It was Kenny.
Rivialle hadn’t seen him since this morning before school and it was already
way past his bedtime. He guessed it was around one or two in the morning.
Rivialle rubbed his burning eyes and when he opened them Kenny was kneeling by
his bed.
“Hello, Rivialle,” Kenny brushed the raven black strands of hair that fell into
Rivialle’s face.
“Hello, Papa.” Rivialle frowned. “Why are you so late? You missed dinner.”
Kenny shooed him and thumbed his cheek. “I know. Papa wanted to be here with
you but he had to be at work so he can earn money. For you. To send you to
school and buy you all those toys and treats.”
Rivialle blushed. He felt stupid and silly to have even asked the question. Of
course he was doing this for him. That’s what family did.
Kenny’s eyes scanned Rivialle’s small frame. A small grin stretched across his
face. “Silly boy. Your pajamas are on backwards.”
Rivialle looked down at his pajamas. They were on correctly or so he thought.
But maybe he was wrong after all he was still new to the American culture.
Maybe he had it wrong all along.
“Oh.” Rivialle muttered suddenly feeling embarrassed.
“Here let your Papa fix it.” Rivialle gulped. He hadn’t noticed it before but
Kenny wasn’t as sober as he had originally thought.
Something dangerously close to lust swam in the man’s eyes. He looked hungry as
if he were going to eat Rivialle. Which was exactly what he was scared might
happen.
Rivialle gave a slight nod as Kenny’s long, greedy fingers unbuttoned his
shirt. He ran his hands over Rivialle’s soft porcelain skin. His hands were
deathly cold and clammy. They made Rivialle feel sticky and gross but he didn’t
dare move away for fear of getting hit.
“So beautiful,” Kenny grabbed at his pants next, “…practically built for sin.”
Rivialle barely caught the whispered words. Rivialle couldn’t stop the tears
that spilled out of his eyes and rolled down his face furiously. He couldn’t
stop crying.
Built for sin.
Kenny’s grabs and movements became fast and painful. He pulled and tugged,
pulled and tugged and shoved and raked his nails on Rivialle’s body. Rivialle’s
body was filled with searing hot-white pain and he almost blacked out from the
excruciating sensation.
Built for sin.
Rivialle was on fire. He felt like he was being split into two and he wondered
if this is what Hell felt like. His vision blurred and his body ached
immensely. All he could hear was his pulse beating in his head and the pants
and slaps of skin on skin.
Rivialle wept, whimpered, and begged him to stop, but Kenny never stopped his
advances. His body was twisted and turned into positions that weren’t meant for
the human body and his hair was tugged back so hard he thought his scalp would
tear off his skull. The smell that reached his nose made Rivialle retch and
Kenny’s nails dug painfully into his thighs making him shiver in pain and
disgust.
He deserved this; he was built for sin.
He wanted it to end. He wanted it to end. He wanted everything to end. He
wanted to be saved. He wanted to die. He wanted someone to help him, but no one
heard his pleads. He wanted it all to stop, but death never came.
He was left alone with Kenny and Kenny’s slimy hands and touches that burned
and etched themselves into Rivialle’s very being. He was left alone in a pool
of blood and tears and snot and semen.
Time stretched on and eventually the only noise that filled the room was the
snoring of the demon in Rivialle’s bed. Rivialle’s body was racked with sobs
and each vibration coursed agony through his sore body.
He looked at his window and wanted nothing more than to throw himself out of
it, but his body was paralyzed with pain and he found no strength in his legs
to carry him.
He looked at his window and at the dim light from his neighbor’s house.
He looked at his window and the moon and stars in the sky and the still trees
outside.
How could something so peaceful and something so hellish coexist in one space,
only separated by one sheet of glass?
Rivialle tore his eyes away from the window. The eyes of a sinful being weren’t
meant to see the beauty of a still night.
He looked instead at the wooden dove Anna’s brother, Louie, had given him that
sat on his bedside table. He envied the bird. If it wanted to it could stretch
out its wings and fly away. Rivialle could not. He was rooted to this house,
closer to Hell than any other living being on this Earth.
--
Rivialle huddled himself into the backseat of the sleek, charcoal black car. He
pulled his long nimble legs up to his chest and adjusted the hem of his pants
to hide the bruises that decorated his skin.
“Where is your destination, sir?” The driver asked, turning his head to face
Rivialle. Rivialle didn’t meet the man’s gaze. He couldn’t dare to look at
anyone’s face right now. He was scared he would break down crying if he did. It
had happened again last night for the…he had forgotten how many times it had
happened.
“I don’t care. Anywhere far from here.”                       
And far he took him. To the other side of New York near Manhattan to be
precise. He got out of the car before the driver could open his door.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to escort you? This is a big city and we
wouldn’t want you getting lost.” The white haired man asked, worry tinting his
tone.
Rivialle welcomed the idea of getting lost. It was exactly why he had gotten
out of the car. Maybe he could lose himself in the crowds of people and
disappear from his misery. Even if it was only temporary.
He waved the man off and made his way into the busy city. People shoved him as
they walked past, but he didn’t care. He just kept moving on, lost in this
sliver of space and time between reality and fantasy that resided deep in his
imagination. It was quiet here but not silent. Kind of like that silence when
you’re talking to someone on the phone but no one is speaking. It was ironic.
He was in one of the biggest loudest cities yet all that noise was reduced to
the slight hum of a faraway bee.
His leg collided with something cold and metallic: a table. He had run into a
table outside a coffee shop. He decided to sit down. His legs-mostly just his
thighs- hurt anyways. When he placed his bag down something fell out of it.
Something he hadn’t seen in years: a book.
He picked it up and opened the first page. There on the back of the cover was a
handwritten note. It was Anna’s. Rivialle’s eyes grew wide. How could he have
forgotten the book or Anna? Sure, it had been years that he had stayed with
Kenny in America with no communication to his past family, but still.
He smiled warmly down at the book as he flipped through pages each one
containing a different memory from when he was younger. He read familiar words
that filled his senses to the brim with nostalgia. Near the end of the book
something red fell out from between two pages: a pressed flower. Rivialle
picked it up between his fingers, careful to not break it and held it to the
sun’s light. So much beauty in such a fragile little thing.
“Rivialle? Is that you?” Rivialle’s gazed dropped from the flower to the young
man that had called his name.
Chapter End Notes
     ooo who's the young man??
     Okay so I get that I didn't mention how old he is at these points in
     time so when he's at the orphanage he's about 7 to 8 and at the last
     part he's about 12? idk i wasn't sure how to age him
     Translations: My love- Mon chéri (to a boy)
     You have my heart- Tu as mon coeur
     I will always love you no matter what. You'll always be in my heart ,
     Anna.- Je t'aimerai toujours quoi qu'il arrive. Tu seras toujours
     dans mon coeur, Anna.
     Ha I don't speak French so I went off of the internet so if I got
     something wrong, tell me and I'll go back and fix it.
     Next chapter: More Levi! but I promise chapter 13 will have some
     Ereri
***** A Loss in Faith *****
Chapter Summary
     Original character death
Chapter Notes
     haha this chapter hurts my very being anyway here you go have a sad
     chapter.
     ok I won't lie inspiration for one of the new characters, Keone, was
     Hinata. I'm sorry not really.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Levi
 
“I will bring him to justice, Rivialle. I promise.”
Justice? — you get justice in the next world, in this one you have the law.
Honestly, Rivialle had given up on having any hopes long ago that justice would
prevail. It was a nice thought though. That one day a cop would kick down the
door to his house and carry him away to safety- lock that bastard up; maybe put
him on death row for all he cared.
Even that fantasy had flaws. If the police did take him away from Kenny where
would he go? Perhaps, the state would keep him as a ward or he would go through
the foster system again. In that case he was screwed. He knew the system here
and in New York was terrible and for a boy who was almost thirteen and flinched
every time you reached out to him, adoption was slim. Hell, fosters were slim.
He didn’t want to become another bum on the streets. An orphan who turns to
drugs and crime for the warmth parents could never provide them with. It was
pathetic, truly. At least in this life he was wealthy, went to a good school,
and was insured
 to go to a good college. Because that way he good get a well-paying job and he
could raise a family with a perfect wife and two perfect kids. Because that’s
what everyone aspired to be when they grew up. Right?
Bullshit. Rivialle didn’t want any of that. How could he look forward to having
a wife when he was pretty sure he was gay? And it wasn’t because of Kenny. No,
the thought that that monster turned him gay was revolting. Rivialle was gay
because Rivialle was gay. It was obvious to him when he was little and he saw a
boy push a girl on the playground and the teacher told her that it was how boys
showed a girl they liked her. Suddenly, Rivialle wanted to be pushed by a boy.
Huh. Now that he thought back on it, that type of thinking was messed up. He
guessed he was messed up since the beginning. Rivialle chuckled at the thought.
Backtracking his thought process he wondered: Why would he even look forward to
college or any of that if he wanted to die today?
Each day was like being pulled back under another wave of
exhaustion
 and darkness after having a brief meeting with air. But with that type of
logic Rivialle shouldn’t really care whether he was a criminal or married with
a wife and kids. Either way he’d be deeply unhappy, but criminals at least
taste a type of freedom that only that life can give.
So, he decided to let the man keep his promise. How much worse could it get?
--
“Rivialle? Is that you?” Rivialle’s gazed dropped from
the_flower
 to the young man that had called his name.
It was Louie, Anna’s brother. Rivialle’s stomach dropped to a new level it had
never reached before. His heart raced.
No, no, no, no. What is he doing here?
Louie walked towards him, but Rivialle made no move to greet the smiling boy.
The years hadn’t touched Louie. He was all white pearly teeth and light brown
hair with eyes that matched.
Rivialle got up still completely fazed by shock and dusted his legs, careful
not to hit his bruises. He could tell Louie wanted to hug him, but instead he
extended his hand. Rivialle accepted it. Immediately they both sat down at
Rivialle’s table.
“I knew you had moved here, Anna told me, but I would’ve never thought I would
see you.” Louie grinned. Rivialle wanted to match his happiness, but he found
he couldn’t muster up even a smile.
He nodded. “You’re what twelve? Thirteen?” Louie asked.
“Twelve.”
“Thirteen in two months though.” Rivialle nodded amazed that Louie remembered
his birthday. Well, it wasn’t hard. It was also Christmas day, yet Kenny always
managed to forget.
“Oh you’re so big now,” I am not.“but still skinny as a stick.” That I
am,Rivialle thought.
“So, how has America treated you?” He had forgotten how much Louie talked. He
had found it endearing before. Now it was annoying and inconvenient.
“Terribly.” He saw no point in lying.
Louie laughed; he thought it was a joke.
“How old are you now?” Rivialle thought it was best he at least tried to
converse with the man.
“Just turned twenty-one. I can finally drink and god have I been looking
forward to that,” his gaze shifted to Rivialle, “not that there’s anything to
look forward to.” Rivialle smiled. Louie really hadn’t changed at all; he was
still a klutz with his words.
Louie pursed his lips in thought. “I’m going to get us something to drink.”
Rivialle looked at him in confusion.
“You’re at a coffee shop, Rivialle.” He said matter of factly.
Louie came back with a coffee and a hot chocolate for Rivialle. He stared at
the cup. He used to love hot chocolate. It amazed him how many things Louie
remembered of Rivialle? Maybe it was coincidence or maybe Rivialle had been
around people who didn’t care to remember such things, but it felt good.
Really, really good.
“It’s good I bumped into you.” Louie thumbed the rim of his cup, his gazed had
dropped. Uh oh. “There’s something you should know, kid.”
“It’s Anna,” Rivialle’s eyes widened in fear of what Louie would say next.
Please, don’t be dead. Please.
“She’s sick. Well, she’s been sick for a long time.”
“How sick?” Rivialle asked.
“Adenocarcinomas. It’s a cancer.” Louie stopped fiddling with his cup and
looked up at Rivialle. He looked like he had cried for his sister for many
nights. He looked like he had come to terms with it. But most of all he looked
tired. Not for himself, but tired that this was his reality. Rivialle
recognized that look. He saw it every time he looked in the mirror.
“Okay,” Rivialle spoke calmly, “can’t she get treatment?”
“She has. For her whole life, actually.” Rivialle gave him a puzzled look.
“She was born with this deficiency in her lungs and developed cancer when she
was three.”
Rivialle had never been more confused in his life. That couldn’t be possible.
She was fine; she was okay the last time he saw her. She didn’t look like she
had cancer. Certainly, people with cancer look like they have cancer, but she
didn’t.
“She never told me.” Rivialle whispered not meaning for Louie to hear or to
really say it at all. It was just a thought that had crossed his mind.
“Why would she?” Louie asked. Rivialle glared at him madly. Well, I don’t know
maybe because I saw here every day since I can remember and she was basically
my mom and usually kids are entitled to knowing if their mom is dying.
Something along those lines,Rivialle thought sourly.
“Don’t get me wrong. She loved you. God, did that woman love you. I used to
think she cared about you and all the other kids more than me,” Louie laughed
solemnly, “but that’s why she didn’t tell you, because she loved you too much.”
“Okay, well can’t they do more for her?” He asked suddenly getting angrier for
a reason unbeknownst.
Louie shook his head slightly.
“What about chemo? Has she tried that? Radiation?” His voice was getting higher
and people were starting to look at him.
“She refuses to do chemo. Says she’s too tired.” Louie mumbled, resembling more
a kid than an adult.
“How can she be tired of living!” Rivialle shouted, his arms extended. Then it
hit him how hypocritical he sounded. How could he ask her to have the desire to
live when he himself didn’t have it?
Louie sighed. They sat there in silence both grieving for someone they loved.
“Come with me.”
“Huh?”
“Come with me to France- to see her.” Louie had a determination that swam in
his eyes like he wasn’t going to take no for an answer.
“Okay.”
--
Rivialle trembled with a mix of anticipation and anxiety. This was the first
time Louie would meet Kenny, and he wasn’t sure how either would react. Louie
obviously didn’t know about Kenny’s more than father-like qualities and Kenny
hadn’t really met anyone who associated with Rivialle; when he had them
Rivialle never brought over friends. Kenny never asked about his introverted
son. Rivialle assumed he didn’t care.
Under any other circumstances Kenny wouldn’t let him go on a trip without him.
Not that he would even let Rivialle go; it was just more likely now. And it
wasn’t because he’d feel remorse for his son’s previous caretaker it was more
like he didn’t want to be seen as an “unreasonable” father figure. Rivialle
scoffed. Still, Rivialle hadn’t thought as far as what he was going to say to
Kenny to convince to let him go or what he would do if he said no.
Either way he was going. He didn’t care for Kenny’s approval it’s not like he
deserved a say in anything Rivialle did any longer, not to him at least. He
lost those privileges the night he stripped Rivialle from his innocence.
He was still nervous.
Louie didn’t look phased at all. His eyes still had a gloomy cast upon them,
but that was probably due to their prior conversation. Besides that the boy
looked chipper as ever. Rivialle felt a tightening in his chest. He wondered
when he had stopped pretending to be happy for the sake of others. It seemed so
pointless, but there Louie was- smiling for Rivialle. Louie didn’t want to
bring his friend down so he hid his pain. He would act happy for others at his
own expense.
Rivialle had been so caught up in his own anguish he hadn’t noticed anyone
else’s. He supposed it was selfish in a way, but it was easier that way- to
believe that no one else had cried themselves to sleep or dreamed of death. He
didn’t want to believe that; he’d rather carry the burden alone. It was almost
like the realization that other people dealt with similar issues caused him
more concern than his own issues.
He reached over and squeezed the hand that Louie didn’t have on the steering
wheel. It was bigger than his own and warmer. Louie looked over and smiled.
This time his eyes smiled as well.
Rivialle smiled back and for the first time in a long time he wasn’t afraid of
what came next, as long as he had the man next to him, he’d do just fine.
Rivialle held his hand the rest of the
car
 ride. Rivialle frowned once he saw the car he came to Manhattan in parked on
the side of his house. He had completely forgotten to tell his driver he had a
ride home. Louie and Rivialle let go of their clasped now sweaty hands and got
out of the car.
“Wait here a moment, Louie. I’ve got to take care of something first.” Rivialle
didn’t check to see if Louie heard him or not before he was walking to the
other car.
“Wade.” Rivialle called to his driver. Wade turned around and immediately
brightened at seeing Rivialle. Rivialle looked at him. Wade had grown a white
beard that contrasted with his dark
skin
… since when did he have a beard? Rivialle felt embarrassed for a moment that
he hadn’t even noticed that someone he saw every day had grown some damn facial
hair.
“Rivialle there you are. I was worried sick,” Wade looked over at Louie, “well;
at least you got
home_safe
.”
Rivialle nodded and shuffled his feet. “I’m sorry.” He looked up at Wade and
smiled softly.
“Look I know I’m a brat most of the time, and we don’t talk like we used to but
I am…sorry. Not just because of today, but every other time too.” Wade looked
surprised. He was probably shocked that Rivialle had even spoken more than a
couple of words.
Wade knelt to Rivialle’s height and patted his head. “I don’t know who that kid
is over there, but tell him thank you. I haven’t seen my boy smile in such a
long time.” Rivialle felt a wave of emotions crash him. He did something he
hadn’t a long, long time. He stepped forward and hugged the man. It took Wade a
couple of seconds before he wrapped his arms around the smaller boy.
Rivialle felt immeasurably guilty. All this time he had cast off Wade’s
attempts of friendship.
Rivialle had liked Wade the second he met him and after that he’d refuse to
have anyone else drive him. Whenever they were in town somewhere fancy while
Kenny was at work and people gave Wade funny looks Rivialle would feel a sudden
sense of protectiveness. He’d ask him why and Wade would say it was because of
something as foolish as the color of his
skin
. That day Rivialle had promised him he wouldn’t let anyone else look at him
like that without hearing from Rivialle. Wade had laughed. Rivialle was eight
then and he had completely forgotten that promise.
All this time he felt so alone, yet Wade was always there waiting for Rivialle
to ask for help. But he never did.
He separated from Wade and walked back to where Louie was waiting. Now was the
scary part: talking to Kenny.
--
Rivialle whined in exasperation. They had been talking to Kenny for the past
half-hour about their plan and even after Louie explained the situation he
wasn’t budging. Let’s say Louie wasn’t very happy with Rivialle’s foster dad
and was currently giving him one of the scariest looks a human could muster.
Kenny didn’t seem to notice.
“Please. I’ll only take three days max, and I have a perfect attendance record
so I’ll only be gone one day,” Rivialle grinded his teeth, “I need to go,
Papa.” He practically spat out the last word but it got Kenny’s attention. He
hadn’t called or referred to Kenny as his father in any way for years. He gave
a look at Rivialle that made his
skin
 crawl. He could’ve sworn the bastard looked smug.
Kenny thought it over for a moment before putting his papers down and looking
at Louie.
“You’ll be there with him the entire time, correct?” Kenny waved at Louie like
he would the servants. Louie nodded enthusiastically, leaning forward slightly.
A smile pulled at Rivialle’s lips; watching Louie reminded him of a puppy.
Kenny sighed and looked at Rivialle making him squirm under his burning stare
before he agreed.
--
They arrived in Gordes, Provence the next day a couple of hours before the sun
stretched across the sky. The hilly town was dead asleep but Rivialle was
vibrating eagerly with…joy? He had been in France for only a few hours and he
was already practically buzzing; he had forgotten what it was like to walk on
the rocky pathways that wound up and up almost reaching the sky. Louie watched
him with amusement out of the corner of his eye. He too had missed the town,
but he knew that the feeling was fleeting and soon he’d have to see his sister.
Once they found the right house and Louie finished searching for his misplaced
keys they entered it and were overwhelmed with the smell. It was flowery and
warm. Rivialle scrunched his nose up at his thought; how could something smell
warm?
“Hello?” There was a small whisper in the dark before a dim light was flipped
on.
In front of them stood a small, mousy boy with disheveled strawberry orange
hair that Rivialle had never seen before. His sun-kissed face was riddled with
freckles, and he was even shorter than Rivialle, but only by an inch or two.
His eyes widened and he started shouting in French and it took Rivialle a
moment to understand his rambling from lack of practicing the language.
A girl stumbled into the room and quieted down the boy with a smack to the back
of his head. She was taller than the boy next to her but their faces were
identical even so that Rivialle bet that if you counted the freckles on both of
them it would come out as the same number. Unlike, what Rivialle assumed was
her brother; she had long silky dark hair.  
“God, you idiot its Louie, Anna’s brother. You just haven’t met him yet.” The
girl grumbled. Her brother was red as a tomato and shuffled behind his taller
sibling.
“Rivialle this is Keone,” Louie waved at the redheaded boy who smiled
sheepishly at hearing his name, “and this is Shantel. Shantel is Anna’s
nurse
 and her brother helps her out on the weekends.”
Rivialle nodded at the two.
“Where’s Anna?” The two teenagers looked a bit surprised that he had spoken in
French but were quick to answer.
“She’s in there.” Keone pointed to a room down a hall. “Sleeping.” Shantel
added.
“Right… Perhaps we’ll wait until she’s awake.” Louie said slowly. Rivialle
deadpanned; he had forgotten how early it was.
“Wait until who’s awake.” Rivialle heard the raspy voice before he saw her.
Anna was standing- more like leaning on the doorway to the hall. She wore a
scarf that held back her light brown hair and a night dress.
“Anna! What are you doing out of bed?” Shantel chastised, running over to
Anna’s frail frame. Anna swat at Shantel.
“I’m okay, Shantel. I’m not going to shatter from getting out of bed.” Anna
made her way over to them. Rivialle’s breath hitched. What was he supposed to
do? Was he supposed to greet her or wait until she noticed him? Did she even
know who he was anymore?
Anna waddled over to Louie who hugged her gently. “Sister you really shouldn’t
be out of bed.” Anna huffed and sat on one of the nearby couches. “Satisfied?”
she asked.
Her eyes fell on Rivialle and she patted the seat next to her. “Come here,
boy.” Rivialle shuffled over cursing at how reluctant his legs were to move.
Rivialle was attacked by the sweet scent of vanilla when he sat next to his
former caretaker.
Anna reached forward and touched his cheek, brushing it with her thumb. Her
hands were still the same, colder and a bit bonier, but still the same. He
leaned into her touch and when he opened his eyes he noticed she was crying.
“Oh, Mon chéri, how I’ve missed you.” Rivialle swallowed the lump in his
throat.
“I missed you too.”
Anna pulled him into a hug and Rivialle finally relaxed. He was safe. He was
okay, again. Rivialle eventually pulled away although he wanted nothing more
than to stay in her arms forever, but he sensed that the people around were
starting to fidget.
“Do you still work at the orphanage? I mean not now, but until…” Rivialle let
his words drop. He heard a grunt from the other side of the room.
“She stopped working at that dump years ago.” Keone grumbled. Rivialle arched
an eyebrow at the boy in curiosity.
“Keone and Shantel are from your same orphanage. Actually, Keone was there
around the same time you were, but he was younger.” Anna responded.
“Oh.” Rivialle whispered.
“Yeah, I remember you.” Keone pointed a small, slender finger at him. The boy
grinned, his big eyes engulfing half of his face. “You were really quite and
you refused to talk to me or the other boys most of the time. Well, you were
quite until you didn’t get your way.” Rivialle’s cheeks burned. Shantel elbowed
her brother in the rib.
“I-I mean—” Keone murmured as he rubbed his side, “I just wish I got to know
you.” He smiled at Rivialle and Rivialle found himself smiling back. He liked
Keone. He liked Shantel who seemed to always have her brother on a leash. He
liked these people and he missed France and Anna and Louie. He wanted to stay
here forever. He wanted to be happy like Keone and Louie. He wanted to be
normal.
“Yeah, me too.”
--
The next day Anna collapsed while in the kitchen. She was trying to get a
glass
 of lemon water.
They had rushed her to the hospital after she was unresponsive. She still
hadn’t woken up yet.
When they came in the doctors were almost shocked to see her. They explained
that she hadn’t come in
to check on her health in years. Louie was shocked- mostly about his sister
lying to him. They all huddled in the room claiming they were all family. The
nurse looked at them oddly but let them stay anyway.
“You should’ve just gotten the water like I asked you to.” Shantel spat. Keone
hugged his knees closer, his face plastered with guilt.
“It’s not his fault.” Rivialle muttered from his seat on the cold floor. Keone
glanced at him and gave him a small smile that said ‘thanks’. After a couple of
moments he scooted closer to Rivialle until their shoulders touched.
“You live in America, right?” He whispered. Rivialle nodded.
“What’s it like?” His eyes shown with a curiosity not many kids in his position
owned.
“It’s big. It can get really cold or hot. There are a lot of people; they tend
to be rude sometimes. Mostly, on the streets,” he glanced at Keone before
continuing, “but the people are free.” Keone’s eyes widened.
“Some people escape in the night and plaster colors of all shades over dark
walls making them beautiful again. They do at night so they don’t get caught by
the police and arrested-
“I thought you said they were free?” Keone interrupted.
“They people aren’t free but their souls are.” They sat there in silence
pondering over what Rivialle said.
“How old are you?” Rivialle asked.
“Nine.” Keone mumbled ashamed of his age.
“You’re tall for nine.”
“No I’m not you’re just short.” Rivialle turned to glare at him but stopped
when he saw Keone’s happy face.
It was silent in the room after that. Louie and Shantel had fallen asleep to
the rhythmic beeping of a machine and he was sure Keone had too until he spoke
up.
“Tell me more about America.”
“Okay… There are people who sing and dance all night until the sun rises and
when it does there are always nice men and women who serve you coffee. There
are places were boys sneak out to be with boys and girls sneak out be with
girls. Somewhere where their love isn’t illegal.  There are singers that play
guitar and sing on the corners of streets for money, filling the air with
music. There’s people who glide on waves and people who glide on the street
with small boards. Oh, and there’s….”
Eventually, both boys fell victims to the rhythmic beeping of a machine as
well. The smaller one’s head perched on the other’s shoulder and the older one
with words still on his lips.
--
“Excuse me. You all are kin of Ms. Belrose, correct?” They all nodded at the
doctor. “I am sorry to inform you that the cancer has spread to the liver and
the liver is failing at detoxifying toxins from her body. The toxins are
accumulating inside of her causing her to fall into a coma…” the doctor paused
before continuing, “she is most likely not going to wake up.”
Louie nodded. “Thank you doctor.” His words came out broken and uneven.
The doctor nodded sadly and left them alone in the room. No body muttered a
word.
Rivialle was finding it hard to breathe. He clenched his teeth and let the
tears he had been holding back fall down his face. It wasn’t fair, it wasn’t
fair. Anna didn’t deserve this. She was good she was supposed to be happy with
her own family. Why couldn’t God see that? Why couldn’t He see that He made a
mistake?
He heard a choked sob to his right. Shantel was hugging her brother for comfort
but looking at them it looked like they both were seeking comfort. He looked at
Louie who was kneeling by Anna’s bed, holding her cold motionless hand in his.
There were angry tears rolling down his face and they fell onto the ground.
Rivialle walked over to him and placed his hand on his shoulder.
“I’m so sorry Louie.”
“I’m sorry too.”
--
There were a lot of people who came to see Anna, more than Rivialle realized
lived in their town. Every single one had their own separate time with her to
say goodbye but they all came in and out the same way. Reassuring and lively
they went in and sobbing and destroyed they came out.
Rivialle was the last to go, refusing to budge until the last moment when Louie
told him that she was most likely not going to live through the night.
He entered the room awkwardly, not knowing how these things were supposed to
go. He stood there still for a few minutes before he gathered the courage to
sit next to Anna.
She was pale and sitting still Rivialle could now see all the wrinkles and
creases that had been etched into her face. Her lips pulled downwards into a
frown and Rivialle scowled at this. She was always smiling in life so shouldn’t
she be the same on her way out?
He took her hand but released it after realizing how he didn’t want to hold it
when it wasn’t warm and didn’t resemble her. He smoothed down his trousers. His
mind was jumble of thoughts and emotions and he wasn’t sure what to make of it.
“Everyone wants you to stay,” he starts out, his words trembling as he dos,
“they all come in here to tell you they love you and they want you to stay.
They want a miracle- for you to keep fighting. For God to give you a second
chance, and believe me you deserve one.” Rivialle clears his throat hoping
it’ll make his words clearer even though the tears were making it hard to
speak.
“I want you to stay more than anything I’ve ever wanted in my life,” Rivialle’s
voice cracks with emotion.
“'But that's what I want and I could see why it might not be what you want. If
you wake up, you’ll be in pain. Again. And it will be hard… and you’ve lived
through pain long enough, so I just wanted to tell you that it’s okay if you
don’t want to. It’s okay if you have to leave us. It’s okay to let go, Anna.”
--
Anna passed away that night.
Louie wailed and sobbed clutching her hand in her last moments.
Keone and Shantel wept uncontrollably, clutching to each other.
Rivialle stood quietly by the door. A terrible pain bloomed in his heart but
with it came no remorse and no bitterness towards a nonexistent god.
--
Rivialle wasn’t sure how he had managed but he convinced Kenny to let him stay
for the funeral which was three days after her death, extending the trip four
days longer than planned.
The days until the funeral were unbearably long and dreary. Rivialle stayed
with Louie in their house; Keone and Shantel ended staying with them as well,
not being able to stay away. Rivialle grew close to Keone, even though they
didn’t talk much he still felt an unspoken bond between them. He wasn’t sure if
it was that he saw himself in the younger boy or what it was that made him want
to look after him. Rivialle hadn’t looked after someone in a long, long time.
Hell, he hadn’t looked after himself in a long time either.
When the day of the funeral came Rivialle dragged himself out of bed wondering
if it was worth it.
At the burial the four adolescents were hand in hand feeding of each other’s
strength and fighting the pain together.
On the last day Louie decided to take Rivialle out the orphanage. It was the
same as when he had left it. It still sat high on a large hill surrounded by
knee high grass and tall trees. The white paint was chipping off of the outside
and the gold lettering of its name had dulled. Asides from that the place
hadn’t changed. Same uniform, same schedule, different kids.
They walked around to the back and sat on the grass, looking out at the rest of
the town. Rivialle couldn’t say he had missed the orphanage but something
similar to nostalgia was making its presence.
“Rivialle.” It was the first word Louie had spoken in the last hour. He hadn’t
said much in between Anna’s death and now anyway.
He looked up at Louie expectantly. “Do you want to go back?” Louie hadn’t
looked at him when he asked the question. He kept his eyes trained on the
horizon instead.
“New York?” Rivialle asked which he received a nod to.
“No.”
There was pregnant moment. “Why not?”
“I don’t like it there.” Rivialle said blandly. It wasn’t a lie.
Louie shook his head as if he didn’t quite like the answer. “More like you
don’t like someone.”
Rivialle didn’t answer. He wasn’t sure what Louie was hinting at but he didn’t
like the direction the conversation was swerving.
“What did he do to you?” Louie glanced at him and Rivialle averted his eyes to
his legs. “He had to have done something. You wouldn’t hate him if you did.”
Rivialle muttered under his breath.
“Huh?”
“Nothing.” Rivialle responded.
“What did you say, ‘Vialle?”
Rivialle pursed his lips. The sky was turning orange and he wondered how long
they had been gone from the house and from Keone and Shantel. He licked his
lips; they tasted like salt.
“I despise him. Don’t hate him. I despise him- wish he dropped dead.” Louie
thought about what he had said.
“Why?” Well, that was a loaded question. Rivialle thought about his options. He
could lie and tell Louie it’s just a teenager phase where he hates his parents
or that he’s upset he’s not his real dad and all that bullshit or he could tell
him the truth. But after everything Louie had gone through, after everything he
was put through he didn’t deserve being lied to.
“He has these… mood swings,” Rivialle struggled to find words to explain his
nightmares, “and he drinks, a lot. The alcohol makes it worse, I think-the mood
swings. At first he just stopped talking and paying attention and then—then he
started yelling.”
Rivialle fiddled with his hands and a cold sweat was forming on the back of his
neck. He wasn’t sure why he was so damn nervous. This was Louie. His Louie.
He took a deep breath. “He hits me, a lot. I don’t really mind it. I just wish
he would give a notice ahead of time because one moment he’s happy and asking
me about school and the next he’s beating me for spilling milk,” Rivialle
scoffs, “when I was six… one night h-he came home drunk… really drunk, and…”
Rivialle started shaking and his vision blurred. He felt a warm hand on his hip
and then Louie’s arm snaked around his waist and brought him into a side hug.
“He came to my bed and he said-said that my pajamas were on backward and its
stupid because I knew they weren’t but I still I still let him-“ Rivialle’s
quivering hands turn into angry fist.
He speaks through clenched teeth. “That bastard has raped me more than I can
count and he still has the audacity,” Rivialle’s voice drops lower until it’s
barely a whisper, “to call me his son.”
Louie’s grip on him had tightened but he welcomed it. He just wanted to be
cared about.
Louie was crying. “I will bring him to justice, Rivialle. I promise.”
Rivialle didn’t know it now, but he had just given Louie a reason to live for.
Something to keep fighting for.
Chapter End Notes
     I just wanted to point out when Levi goes from thinking of god as Him
     and God and then goes to calling him a nonexistent god its because he
     lost faith in god and that's where he remains standing. and the
     chapter title doesn't specifically mean a loss in religious faith but
     just faith in everything from loss in faith in one's self, to
     justice, to others, and to god.
     pshhhhhhhhhhh ok next chapter will FINALLY have some fun Ereri action
***** Consumed in Flames *****
Chapter Summary
     Warning: its about to get fun *winks provocatively*
Chapter Notes
     Revising is not my friend we're more like those classmates that don't
     like each other but always get stuck together in group projects so I
     honestly have no clue wtf I just wrote. Enjoy.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Eren ran his hand through his sweaty hair and tried to peer through the bodies.
It felt like this party would never end. Somewhere along the line of having the
oddly intimate yet not so intimate conversation with Levi he was dragged back
into Reiner’s extravagant party.
People kept bumping into him and the lights made him feel like he’d have a damn
seizure before Levi got back. Where did Levi go? Eren did a 360 before he
vaguely remembered Levi telling him he was going to go get something and come
right back. What was he getting? Drinks? People? Some aspirin for Eren’s
massive headache due to the fucking lights? The Bible so the couple that were
practically dry-humping each other in the corner could find God?
Eren felt the weight of someone’s hand on his shoulder and he was about to turn
around to tell the person to fuck off because he honestly wasn’t in the mood
for it until he realized exactly who it was.
Levi’s gunmetal grey eyes widened a bit as he frowned. “Well, if that’s how you
feel, Eren…”
“Huh?” It was then that Eren realized that he might have not just thought of
telling someone to fuck off.  
“Oh-oh god no, I didn’t mean to say that- Well, I did just not to you and I
didn’t know it was…you…” Eren rambled his apologies out until he noticed that
the hand on his shoulder had never left and then he looked at the face Levi was
making. “I should shut up, shouldn’t I?” Eren frowned.
“Not necessarily,” Levi corrected. “Maybe just try to organize your thought
process.”
Eren chuckled, smiling endearingly. He patted the back of his neck a bit
embarrassed at his outburst. “Sorry… I tend to—”
“Stop apologizing,” Levi interrupted; his face contorting into a scowl. Eren
open his mouth to apologize but closed it when he realized it would defeat the
purpose. Levi shoved something against Eren’s chest; a beer.
Two beers and thirty minutes filled of awkward chit-chat later, Eren found
himself tangled in the middle of a bunch of intoxicated, sweaty bodies and most
importantly with Levi. Eren wasn’t sure how their hot, dancing bodies had come
together but he wasn’t about to stop. Nor was he going to stop Levi from
threading his hand into Eren’s hair.
He looked at Levi wondering what he was thinking but his face gave nothing
away. He wanted to know what happened to Levi and the girl in the bathroom. He
wanted to know what Levi thought about him. He wanted to know what it was like
to kiss him again like that one night forever ago. He wanted so much but he
wasn’t sure how to ask, so he didn’t.
Eren leaned down and captured Levi’s lips with his own; Levi complied
immediately. Levi tasted hopelessly erotic; intoxicating Eren more than the
alcohol he had already consumed and in a way that had him both hyper aware and
hazed out of his sense all at once. Levi pulled at Eren’s bottom lip causing
him to pull back in shock. They were so close that Eren could see the cobalt
flecks in Levi's eyes. Eyelashes that were so dark and framed those eyes were
now full of excitement and lust maybe a little bit drowsy from the alcohol in
his system. Levi pitched forward to compress the space between them into
nothingness, making heat branch out through Eren’s chest. His lips felt a
little bit softer than he remembered, but then again it had been months since
Levi allowed him to kiss or touch him at all.
Suddenly, Eren had a terrible feeling that something was wrong. Why wasLevi
doing this? Was he that drunk as to kiss Eren? Is that all—was it all just a
matter of letting off steam and Eren just so happened to also be there? Was
this a game—did Levi care about him or even like him? Everything was feeling
too overwhelming. He pulled away and moved through the crowd trying desperately
to fight his way out of the music’s claws. Eventually, he was outside again.
Eren bent at the waist and tried to regulate his breathing. What was happening
to him?How could he be upset from kissing Levi of all people for god sakes? Why
did he always have to mess things up? He finally got what he had been yearning
for ever since that night and he had to go and screw it up.
Eren’s heart elevated and his breathing quickened. He wanted to go home. No, he
didn’t. He hated home. The thought of what awaited him at home made his chest
clench painfully. He felt someone’s hands on his face and he was sure they were
trying to talk to him but he couldn’t focus on anything besides trying to stop
the whirlwind of thoughts that were crashing down on him. Everything was just
so hard to sort out and god-GOD was it hard to breathe.
He opened his eyes. Levi was what he first saw. His grey orbs had a worried
tone to them and weren’t harsh as usual; his eyebrows were furrowed and he was
pouting as he caressed Eren’s cheek.
“It’s okay. Oi, Eren look at me. Focus on me,” Eren did; it was difficult but
he managed, “okay I want you to take a deep breathe; in through your nose and
out your mouth. You can do it.” Eren did as he was told. Breathe in breath
out.It took several minutes of doing the breathing exercise before Eren’s
breathing regulated and when it did he slumped against Levi’s chest.
“There you go, Bright Eyes. I told you, you could do it.” Levi cooed. He ran
his fingers through Eren’s hair soothingly, until Eren finally calmed down and
pulled away.
“Let’s get out of here.” Levi offered.
Yeah, that sounded like a good idea.
--
Levi’s apartment was immaculate and looked a bit out of the price range of a
college professor. It was unbelievably white and had little to no furniture;
Eren wondered if maybe he had just moved in or something that explained the
lack of…everything. There was couch and a TV in the living room that was
connected to the kitchen, but Eren didn’t have enough time to inspect the room
before he was being hauled into the next one. Eren’s feet barely touch the
ground until his back rested against a much softer surface. Levi crawled onto
Eren and captured Eren’s lips, silencing any complaints the boy could have.
Eren pressed his lips harder against Levi’s, felt the warm, trembling flesh
pressed to his own. He felt like he was dying, suffocating and he needed to
take the air out of Levi’s lungs so he could survive. Eren’s eyes closed. He
dug his fingers into the soft comforter and crawled blindly backwards, lips
still attached, and led Levi further up the mattress. He vaguely heard the
muffled thump of shoes hitting the floor. Not sure what he was doing Eren dug
the toe of one shoe into the heel of the other and pushed it off; he did the
same with the other.
At the moment he wasn’t thinking about anythingreally. Certainly, not about the
fact that he was doing more than just making with his college professor which
was already enough to get them both into deep shit. All he knew was the feeling
of Levi’s body pressed against his- every curve fitting into Eren’s like a
jigsaw puzzle- and the live-giving feeling he received from kissing Levi.
Eren wanted more he wanted more than being restricted to Levi’s mouth; his
traced his lips down Levi’s face tracing it with sweet chaste kisses. His hands
tighten around the white fabric of the bed sheets. And he leaned up slowly,
tentatively approaching the smooth, moon-pale skin of Levi’s neck. As if by
some unspoken agreement Levi leaned his head back and exposed his throat. Eren
braced himself and fell forward, his lips pressing a fevered kiss onto Levi’s
skin. Levi let out a soft airy sigh.
Eren kissed every inch of exposed skin he was offered. Something inside of him
wanted to draw out more sounds from Levi’s quivering lips, push him further and
further until his feet dangled off the edge; he grazed his teeth against the
vulnerable skin and occasionally lapped at it. When Levi grinded his hips
against Eren’s, the teenager tried to suppress a moan but ended up biting
Levi’s neck instead. A deep throaty growl escaped Levi’s mouth making a shiver
ran down Eren’s spine.
Levi started pawing at Eren’s chest trying to remove his shirt.
“Take it off,” Levi demanded in a very cold voice. Eren froze for a moment
before carrying out Levi’s command.
Eren’s hands trembled as he pulled the shirt over his head, knowing that Levi
was towering over him intimidatingly waiting for him to finish.  Once his shirt
was discarded Levi threw his leg over Eren side and straddled his hip, pressing
his hardened member against Eren’s own. Eren gazed up lustily at Levi; what
when the fuck did he take his shirt off? I take my gaze off of him for three
seconds and this motherfu—
Levi bent down and licked along the stretch from his navel to his chest where
he placed his mouth over one of Eren’s nipples. A moan erupted from Eren’s
throat and he bit his lip in attempt to muffle his embarrassing sounds. Levi
nuzzled his face into the curve of Eren’s neck and starting sucking on the
caramelized skin. Eren pushed at Levi’s jeans in haste to get them off.
Levi chuckled, his warm breath dancing over Eren’s abused skin. “Always
impatient aren’t you?” Levi arched back to look down at his lover. Something
flashed in Levi’s eyes.
“My beautiful,” Levi paused as he ran his hand down the bruises that adorned
Eren’s muscular stomach. Eren winced but not from the pain but from fear that
Levi no longer found him beautiful; maybe he was disgusted by Eren. Why
wouldn’t he be?
“Oh, Bright Eyes,” Levi bent down and placed small chaste kisses along the
purple and blue that painted Eren’s body.
Eren whimpered. “L-Levi… please.” Levi didn’t have to be told twice. He
immediately started to undress them both leaving a naked writhing boy beneath.
Eren’s leaking erection was practically painful and begging for attention. He
squirmed awkwardly desperately searching for friction, but Levi evaded his
attempts.  
“Levi-i…” His voice was broken and whiny, but Eren didn’t care. He’d do and say
anything to have Levi touch him.
Levi scooted down the bed with painfully slow movements. He locked eyes with
Eren and Eren immediately felt the need to look away, but he felt paralyzed,
forced to watch the night unfold. Eren watched as Levi bent his head down, his
face dangerously close to Eren’s groin. Levi’s long bangs swayed   in front of
his eyes, but Eren could still feel his burning gaze. Levi licked tentatively
at the leaking head before him, watching as Eren tightened his fingers around
the comforter.
Levi was a tease, and Eren hated it. The raven licked along the underside of
his cock barely even touching it at all. Eren growled in annoyance wishing he
would just get on with it.
Levi leaned back and smirked at Eren’s reaction and then dove in taking Eren in
completely. Eren gasped as a warm slick mouth enveloped his aching member. Levi
bobbed his head up and down slowly at first not sure how to tread on new
territory, but he quickly quickened his pace when Eren threw his head back in
ecstasy. Sinful moans escaped Eren and he felt a familiar warmth course through
his body.
He pushed at Levi’s shoulder, signaling him to stop; he didn’t want to cum like
this. Levi swirled his tongue once more around the slit before releasing him
with a loud pop.
Eren pulled Levi into a kiss, tasting himself on the older man’s tongue. Levi
fumbled as he reached for his nightstand pulling something out of it. Levi
continued kissing Eren making his head swim dizzyingly. Levi tugged at Eren’s
bottom lip and pulled back. Eren watched him lazily as he opened a small bottle
and poured its contents over his fingers. He threw the bottle to the side and
bent over Eren placing his hand next to the boys head as his other one reached
down in between Eren’s legs.
Eren felt a probing finger against his entrance and suddenly he was consumed
with fear. This was his first time. What if he messed up or displeased Levi?
What if it hurt too much and he backed out?
Levi bent down and kissed Eren’s forehead reassuringly. “Calm down, Bright
Eyes. You're getting that look again like you're constipated from thinking too
hard.” Eren giggled, his anxiety quickly dissipating. Levi gazed at Eren once
more before he shoved his slick finger in. Eren wiggled around; it didn’t hurt
nor was it uncomfortable per say. It was just odd. Levi started to move getting
Eren used to the sensation before he added a second one.
Eren hissed at the dull pain coming from his legs. Levi quickly moved forward
to kiss him distracting Eren from the thrusting fingers down below. Levi
scissored his fingers stretching Eren even further before he curled one of them
slightly.  Eren gasped out of the kiss from the immense pleasure that flooded
his body. Eren pushed his hips down this time searching for the spot that Levi
found.
Eren mewled as his prostate was abused over and over again and a disappointed
whine escaped him when Levi’s fingers slid out. Levi chuckled at his lover’s
impatience and ripped open a condom making a show of how he slowly rolled it
onto his straining erection. He bends down and places his hands next to Eren’s
head and places a slow sweet kiss to his lips before he pushed in.
Tears brim Eren’s eyes; the pain is overwhelming and he brings his hand up to
his mouth and bites down hard from instinct. Averting his brain from the pain
between his legs to the one in his hand instead. Levi stops his ministrations
and his eyes widen at Eren.
“Don’t do that Eren,” he takes Eren’s hands and laces their fingers together.
Levi leans down and speaks into the crook of Eren’s neck, “I don’t want to see
you in pain.” The tears in Eren’s eyes fall down but not from pain but from the
overall emotion that was swamping his senses. He felt something deep tug in his
chest, a yearning that he had never felt before.
“Y-You can move,” Eren whispers. Levi begins to draw his hips back as he
thrusts gently, waiting until Eren was used to it. Eren started to grow
increasingly exasperated. He wanted more; he wanted to feel the pleasure from
before. He starts to push his hips down meeting Levi’s thrusts.
Eren tightens his fingers around Levi’s own and shuts his eyes,
incomprehensible phrases spilling out of his mouth as he does. Eren wraps his
thighs around Levi’s waist pulling him deeper inside of him. The fiery pain he
felt before was quickly replaced with a different pleasurable burning
sensation; one he never wanted to fizzle out.
“Fuck, Eren,” Levi’s thrusts become more erratic and harder and suddenly Eren’s
back arches off the bed his mouth opening in a silent scream. His trembling
voice chokes out ‘again, again, again’.Eren breaks his hands away from Levi and
scrapes at his back bringing him closer. He wanted him closer neededhim closer—
as if he wanted to morph the two of them into one.
Eren’s nails dig into Levi’s back no doubt leaving bloody trails. The fire is
back and gasoline has been added, allowing it to burn bigger, brighter, faster.
The burns are painting Eren red, leaving Eren to only see in colors.
Eren writhes beneath Levi, begging the fire to be released. Eren feels so
wanton with the manner that he’s screaming Levi’s name like he was praying.
Every single thrust drives Eren into sensory overload and he isn’t sure how
much longer he’ll be able to last.
Levi’s long thick eyelashes begin to flurry against his pale skin, and suddenly
Eren’s name is the only word leaving his lips.
And then everything is consumed by fire.
Eren’s back bows into the air, an animalistic moan running out of his mouth.
His hands clamp down harder around Levi attempting to find some sort of anchor
to this euphoric frenzy. The moment of bliss pulls Eren into  another unworldly
state, leaving him enraptured caught up in an abrupt pang of ecstasy.
The colors begin to fade, becoming less vibrant than they were a few moments
before. Levi collapses on top of him, his chest heaving with uneven pants. He
flops off of him and Eren vaguely notes that he was being cleaned before he is
left alone in the vast sea of white sheets.
The bed dips under somebody's weight and heat settles into his back as he is
tugged against Levi’s chest. He sighs contently, threading his fingers with
Levi’s—lost in the dream where he was once color blind and consumed in the
white rapture of flames.
Chapter End Notes
     Woohoo I finally wrote some Ereri for my Ereri fic which is really
     lacking Ereri. ahhh and momentarily everything seemed okay.
     momentarily right? because since when has Eren Jaeger had an easy
     going life.
***** Mistakes and Misunderstandings *****
Chapter Summary
     Levi and Eren are idiots.
Chapter Notes
     Someone should honestly beta this because I don't even bother with
     revising any longer.
     Oh god I'm stuck in a terrible snowstorm, THANK YOU CITY OF NEW YORK.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
 
Levi
The pale moonlight seeped through Levi’s closed eyelids coaxing him awake. His
long, thick eyelashes fluttered open and he glared in annoyance at the bright
streak that filtered through the transparent curtains. He glanced at the
clock—5:03. It was still too early for the sun to rise, but that didn’t stop
his mind from waking up, even when his late night activities didn’t end until
maybe three or four hours ago.
Then the realization that unlike every other night the mattress now dipped
under extra weight and his blanket was stretched tight to the other side of the
bed. Warmth bled from the the body to his side; he turned and gazed at the
sleeping boy next to him.
Eren’s caramel skin looked dark in contrast with the mostly white room and bed.
His bare chest puffed slightly with smooth, even breaths that danced over
Levi’s face. Levi’s thumb ghosted over the teenagers soft lips. The same ones
that were all over his body not too long ago.
It almost seemed… right—to have Eren in his bed; like he belonged there—all
this time Levi would spend his insomniac ridden nights staring up at the
boring, simple ceiling and now he had something much better to spend his time
looking at. The room seemed warmer and livelier, and it was almost okay that he
wouldn’t get any more sleep tonight, because that way he got to gaze at the
sleeping beauty next to him. 
Almost. Not even love could rid him of his sleeping disorder. Levi’s thoughts
stopped and his hand froze from where it was carding through Eren’s long dark
hair. Had he just thought—was he even in lo—No.He wasn’t. He couldn’t be.
Levi shook the thoughts out of his head; it wasn’t important and he wasn’t
going to waste his time-this precious time he had with Eren-worrying about
something impossible—something that he was no longer capable of; maybe had
never been capable of.
His gaze dropped to where the comforter wrapped around Eren’s taught waist, his
hipbone jutted out from underneath. He trailed his fingers down Eren’s
shoulder, rib, side, and hip. The brunette burned beneath his touch and at
first he thought that he might be running a fever, but then he remembered that
Eren’s blood naturally ran hot. The moon radiated enough light that Levi was
able to see the bruises that adorned Eren’s stomach.
His frown deepened. Who would do something so atrocious to something so
beautiful—so pure?
He remembered a time when he too had bruises to hide. Levi’s mind jumped to a
terrible conclusion. Was Eren—did he have to undergo what I did?No. Eren
couldn’t have been…raped at least not recently, considering he was comfortable
with having sex last night. Well, he hoped he hadn’t been. But someone was
abusing him. It was obvious, to Levi at least. Really, he was surprised no one
else had caught on by now. Maybe no one cared enough.
Levi’s heart constricted. “My poor, Bright Eyes,” he brushed his bangs away,
“I’m so sorry.”
He was a bit ashamed that he hadn’t done anything aboutit  yet, but he didn’t
want to breach Eren’s personal life. It wasn't his right before, but now…now
he’d do something, for sure.
Eren stirred in his sleep and Levi stilled his hand. Eren pulled the blanket
closer to him until it covered half of his face; Levi huffed in amusement. It
was like he felt Levi’s scrutinizing stare and knew what he was thinking. He
didn’t look bothered though; peaceful, was the word that fit. Levi realized he
had never seen Jaeger so at ease, and he was glad that, even if minuscule, he
had contributed to it.
Sleep pulled at his lids and he almost laughed at the thought that he hadn’t
felt that tired in a while and it was due to sex.
He pulled Eren close to his chest, careful to not disturb the peaceful state he
was in, and let sleep have his way with him.
--
The second time he woke he realized he had only slept two hours
longer—technically, it was more like forty-five minutes because most of the
time he wasn’t sleeping just stuck between that irritating in between.
The sun had joined him this time; Eren did not. He was still soundly asleep
just like Levi had left him. Levi rolled his eyes; teenagers.Eren seemed to be
unconsciously aware of Levi’s wakening and he wrapped his arms around Levi,
restraining him. Oh my god, what have I gotten myself into?  He thought
sarcastically.
Levi internally laughed to himself, as he placed a small chaste kiss to Eren’s
heated forehead. And then he started to actually think about it. What had he
gotten himself into? He frowned.
Was this really the right choice? He knew the university would not approve of
their…relationship. If you could call it that. He hadn’t talked to Eren about
it and wasn’t sure if the boy would want to be in a relationship with Levi. For
all he knew this was completely one-sided on his part. Hell, he hadn’t even
spoken much with Eren ever since meeting him. And here he was thinking about
what his bosses would think of them when he had no clue if there was anything
to even think of.
Shit.Was Eren even legal yet? He was in college, but he could easily still be
seventeen—or younger...but Levi doubted Eren was a child prodigy who went to
college at sixteen. Still, it could be considered statutory rape. If Eren was
eighteen, what did it say about them if they were together even though there
was a thirteen year difference? What did say about Levi?
Even if Eren did want to be with Levi, was it still really right? Eren was
still young and yeah maybe if he was twenty-five instead of eighteen (or
younger; Levi still didn't know) it would be okay. But he wasn’t—he had just
gotten out of high school; he was still a kid.
Levi felt disgusted with himself. How could he do this? To a kid?
He felt the blood drain from his face. I’m no better than Kenny. Levi’s heart
rate elevated and he felt slightly smothered, like he had a cover over his nose
restricting him from breathing correctly.
He pushed Eren away, forcefully, and left not even checking to see if Eren had
woken. He rushed out of the apartment and down the stairs.
He ran and ran and eventually reached the subway station; he hated the subways.
It smelled like piss 24/7 and there was always revolting people around, but he
supposed he belonged amongst them.
Kenny had been right—he was built for sin. That’s all he was good for and
better yet he had just contaminated the last pure thing life had offered him.
God, why do I always have to ruin other people lives?
He shrunk deeper into the plastic subway seat.
“Next stop: 9th Avenue.”
He hadn’t realized how deep he had traveled in Manhattan until now. He got off
at the stop and took out his phone. He dialed the first person on his list.
“Hello?”
“Hanji, I need to talk to you, it’s about Eren.”
“What happened?”
“I did something…regrettable.”
“Oh, ok. I’m having coffee with Armin, but you could come join us if you’re
close,” Hanji added quickly, “ If you want to talk.”
“Which one?”
“The usual, Vinny’s.”
“I’ll be there in ten.”
--
Levi wasn’t sure why Hanji was having coffee with Armin, but he didn’t care. He
probably should, considering the blonde was about to hear that Levi had just
fucked his best-friend.
He sat across from the two, sipping tentatively at his coffee.
“So…” Arlert started, spinning his empty cup in his hands.
Levi sighed. “Okay. I guess you were going to find out soon enough from Eren,
so I might as well tell you now.”
Hanji and Armin both leaned in simultaneously; it was creepy, really. Fucking
nerds and there twin-ness.
“Things got a bit out of hand last night, and I might have slept with Eren, who
is underage andis my student and I’m probably am going to get fired soon,
because I’m a shit person.” Levi didn’t look up as he explained; he didn’t want
to see the looks of repulse.
“Might have?” Hanji quirked.    
Levi nodded. It was silent for a couple of moments, and Levi was starting to
feel bile rise in his throat and the overwhelming urge to run away again. What
was that word again? Drapetomania.It was funny how he could remember words from
his childhood.
“He’s not underage.” Armin whispered.
Levi looked up. “He’s not?” He tried to mask the hopefulness in his voice.
Armin nodded.
“Levi,” Hanji drawled his name out, “did you leave him alone?”
“Maybe.”
“Maybe?”
“Yes.”
Hanji exhaled deeply and ran her hand down her face. “No-o-o, why would you do
that?”
“I freaked out. Sorry.” Levi grumbled childishly.
Armin leaned forward again and captured Levi’s attention. “Look Levi, Eren has
been…abandoned a lot by his family throughout his life, and recently Hanji has
brought something concerning to my attention.” Armin’s eyebrows fretted in
concern. “Apparently, Eren has confided in Hanji about his father’s…abusive
behaviors and made her promise not to tell anyone. She hasn’t—not until now.”
Levi’s eyes widened. He knew it.
“And I didn’t tell anyone because I thought it had stopped,” Hanji interjected
defensively, “he told me after that day he showed up to school with the bruise
on his face. You remember that, right?”
How could he forget—that day was more than eventful.
“Yeah, well after that it had stopped for almost a month or so and I just
realized that his father is back, and I fear it’s gotten worse.” Hanji fixed
her slanted glasses before she continued. “I was going to tell Mikasa, but I
wasn’t aware how she would react to hearing that about her dad—if she doesn’t
already know. So, I told Arlert, maybe he could convince Eren to go to the
authorities.”
Levi glowered as he mewled this over.
“What I’m trying to say is that, you left Eren…alone…and he has abandonment
issues…” Armin said slowly as if Levi hadn’t caught on already.
Shit.He really fucked up this time. He placed is head in his hands and groaned.
Somebody poked him in the forearm. “What the fuck are you doing here, still? Go
get him.”
Levi looked up in confusion at Hanji. “You guys aren’t mad?” He looked
specifically at Armin.
“Well, we’re pissed that you left him, but I do think pursuing a relationship
with Eren would greatly benefit him and most likely you as well. I’m sure if
there’s anyone who can convince him to turn his father in it’s you.” Armin
grinned. “After all, you two seem rather close.”
Levi raised his eyebrow questioningly, but was out of his set as soon as Armin
gave his blessing. It was amazing how such wise and complicated vernacular came
out of a college student.
He sent a quick text to Eren, asking if he was still in Levi’s apartment, but
he didn’t answer.
Levi got his answer when he walked in the flat and saw that Eren was no longer
there.
--
Eren
 
Eren never really woke up properly. An hour or so before he fully "woke up" he
got stuck between that limbo between deep sleep and consciousness; it was
almost like he was always hyper-aware, but that was probably because of all the
rude interruptions he’d undergone ever since Mom died. Thanks Dad.
That’s where he was now. His mind faintly registered the sweet caresses someone
was bestowing upon his body and the sound of even breathing in close proximity,
but he couldn’t quite place who was doing these things. He just knew he had
never felt this serene in a long while—awake or not.
That was until he began to fall. It was almost like he was in that scene in
Inception with uhhh… whatshisname? Leonardo da Vinci? —And they would kick the
chair out from underneath someone sleeping to trigger them into consciousness.
Yeah, just like that.Except it wasn’t a kicked chair that woke him up, but the
rejection from the arms he had fallen into.
His eyes snapped open in fear. Fear that somehow his dad was here and he had
decided to wake Eren up and use him as a punching bag. But it wasn’t his dad,
and he wasn’t home.
He was in an unfamiliar room in an unfamiliar apartment, naked and covered by
unfamiliar detergent-smelling white sheets. What wasn’t unfamiliar was the gun
steel grey eyes that stared at him for a moment and then were gone the next. 
Eren’s hands clasped around the sheets that concealed his dignity as
realization set in and his mind caught up with his current predicament.
Levi—Levi left. He left him. He didn’t want him. He was disgusted by him. Who
wouldn’t be?
Eren wished that it had been his dad who woke him up and inflicted physical
pain upon him, because he certainly had no clue how to deal with the pain that
overwhelmed his senses.
Tears sprung to his eyes.
Time seemed to pass slower or maybe not at all; Eren thought that maybe he was
still stuck in that limbo. He hoped—God,did he hope this was all some sick
dream, and he’d wake up in his own bed or better yet Levi’s arms. But he
didn’t, and he never would, because he was not something that was that easily
loved.
--
After the shock dimmed and the sadness subsided, Eren gathered up his clothes
and left. He thought about making the bed, but decided not to in fear that if
he didn’t leave soon Levi would come back and he’d have to face him. Oh, God.
What if Levi was upset with me? Did he hate me?Maybe he was angry Eren had
seduced his superior into bed.
Jesus, he felt so…scandalous. He was no longer a virgin; the pain in his lower
back told him as much. But that was all that truly changed in his reality. He
was still just merely a puppet to be toyed with, and Eren wondered when the day
would come when he’d give up on feeling enraged by this. He hoped it was soon
because he wasn’t sure how much longer he’d be able to put up with
disappointment.
Eren tapped his fingers against his thigh, a nervous habit, as he waited for a
taxi. A yellow cab did eventually pull up to the sidewalk and Eren got in.
He didn’t pay attention to the driver or look at the interior of the car at
all; the driver’s voice told him it was a man.
“Where to, young man?”
Eren looked out the window, green eyes dim and worn out from crying. His chest
had stopped clenching in pain and his breath had evened out. He felt numb in
every sense of the word.
“Anywhere but here.”
--
Anywhere ended up somewhere in lower Manhattan: 9th avenue to be exact. He got
out and paid the taxi driver, and started to walk around aimlessly. He looked
at the tourists with wide smiles across their face and cameras out and poised
to snap a photo. He watched couples hold hands and giggle. He saw but he didn’t
understand.
His pocket buzzed.
Levi:
Are you still at the apartment?
The hand around his phone trembled, but he couldn’t register why.
Oh. Levi had texted him. Levi.
Levi wanted to know if Eren was still in his apartment. He probably would be
glad to find out Eren wasn’t.
Eren put the phone back in his pocket and kept walking, forgetting momentarily
about Levi and everything else that saddened him.
He wondered if he was still in that limbo; it felt like it. He could vaguely
understand and register the things around him but he couldn’t do anything about
them. He couldn’t speak, couldn’t feel, couldn’t stop walking to which ever
destination his feet wanted to take him.
“Eren!”
He stopped. Was someone calling him? No. Couldn’t be; probably some other
Aaron. He kept walking.
“Eren Jaeger!”
He stopped again, but this time he turned. Oh. Maybe someone did want to speak
with him.
Armin. His friend was standing outside a coffee shop, Vincent’s—a place they
visited often, waving at him. Hanji stood behind him and he wondered why they
looked so sad-so concerned. He frowned and made his way over to them.
“What are you doing here?!” Eren hadn’t heard Armin sound this frantic in a
while.
He shrugged. He wasn’t sure why he was here. Why am I here? Where am I?
And everything came back to him—too much and too fast and he felt like was
going to double over and vomit.
“Why aren’t you with Levi? He was looking for you.” Hanji cocked her head to
the side.
Levi. Oh, God, Levi.His head throbbed and he wanted nothing more than to reach
into his chest and pull his throbbing heart out. Maybe then it would stop
hurting.
“He shouldn’t be.” Was all he said.
“Eren are you okay?” Armin touched his arm and he shrugged away afraid from the
contact.
“Eren I’m not going to hurt you. I know what your dad has done, and I want to
assure you I would never, ever, not in a million years ever do anything like
that,” Armin moved closer to him, “I’m so sorry Eren, I’m so sorry.” Eren
backed away.
No. How does he know? He can’t know. He can’t know. Nobody could know—except
someone did. Eren’s wide eyes glared at Hanji in betrayal.
No. No, this isn’t happening. This can’t be happening! Not again not again. I
can’t lose everyone again.
Eren backed away.
No. Stop looking at me like that!
He turned around and ran.
No, no, no, no, no.
His phone buzzed signaling him about Levi’s unread message.
No. Go away! He hates me. He hates me, I love him.
He fell.
I hate him.
He got up.
No. It doesn’t matter. None of this matters. 
He brushed the tears away, and strengthened his walls so that no one could
penetrate them again. Because that’s what Eren Jaeger did: he survived.
--
“You can’t be here.”
“I have nowhere else to go, Annie.”
“Well, find a place.”
“But”— the door slammed in his face. He growled and pounded on the door.
“Fuck you, Annie!”
Anger pulsated through his veins, replacing any other emotion he had ever felt.
He left to the only other place he could: home.
--
Annie
 
Annie slumped against the wall, and clenched her fists tight, marking her pale
palms with angry red crescent marks. The door vibrated under Eren’s fists; she
shook with it.
She bowed her head. “I’m so sorry, Eren. I just want to keep you safe.”
There was shuffling of people entering the room. Most likely from the ruckus
Eren had created.
“You can’t keep him away for too much longer, Annie.” Reiner’s gruff voice
filled the room.
Bertolt chimed in reassuringly. “He belongs with us.”
Annie didn’t respond, because she knew it was true.
Chapter End Notes
     Heeeeey guys, ya I know. I feel bad too. Sorry if it felt kind of
     jumpy with the short Pov switches and all.
***** Overwhelmed *****
Chapter Summary
     Warning: there will be severe physical abuse, verbal abuse, and
     blood. There will also be hints of a non-intentional suicide attempt.
Chapter Notes
     hahaha don't hate me too much for this one. Oh god it literally took
     me the whole day to write this so you better be grateful XD
     PS I was listening to In the End by Us the duo a lot during this
     chapter
See the end of the chapter for more notes
November_17th_[9:33pm]
 
Dark shadows ascended from below—what was below? He wasn’t sure. They swirled
around him, observing, with curious dark wells as eyes. They came closer and
whispered in his ears-behind him, over him, under him, around him. They were
everywhere; their voices were everywhere, unescapable.
Some crawled in through his ears, others through his eye sockets.
He wanted to run, but there was no one and no place to run to, no voice to call
for help with, no light to see with. It seemed that the only part of his body
that could function was his heart—racing and pounding. A hot core of fear and
pain; an anchor to his existence.
He started to fall. Or more like the shadows started to fall, something
underneath them gave way. They grasped at him, taking him down with them. He
tried to push, to kick out, to swim away, but he couldn’t—couldn’t move. The
shadows screamed out, but the sound never quite reached the air. It was almost
like they had no vocal cords, everything came out like raspy nothings.
The falling never stopped, neither did the feeling of hitting the bottom. But
sometimes, there were moments, where he was still—a fraction of a second at
most—where it stopped, when he felt hope. It didn’t last long enough. He kept
descending and he wondered if when he reached the bottom, would he survive?
Maybe he shouldn’t. Maybe death would put an end to the pain that had been
bleeding into his veins. If it did he would welcome it.
He felt the agonizing liquid rise to his elbow and he wanted to scratch at his
skin, tear it off and find the source of pain, but he couldn’t. He didn’t know
where his arms where, he didn’t know, he couldn’t see, couldn’t feel anything
but the burn.
And then the voices stopped and he had stopped falling.
Pain erupted from his core, where his heart was. He arched his back and tried
to yell but no sound came out. He could hear his heart beat pound louder,
faster in his head and another surge of sharp anguish rippled through him.
It felt like something, a monster, was clawing at his chest, mauling him open
until he was nothing but shreds of meat.
It hurt so bad, and so much. He wanted to cry even though he knew no tears
would fall.
One last wave ripped through his body before he collapsed into himself, heaving
and sobbing. The pain subsided.
The shadows were back, but this time they pushed him, closer and closer to the
top. He touched the surface and watched it ripple under his finger.
He broke through the water and gasped for air. He was quickly dragged back
below, but whenever he was above the surface he found unknown voices,
flickering touches and colors that he trapped and took down with him. He held
them in his closed palms, against his chest that was, thumping, thumping
thumping.
The voices came back, louder and more persistent. He was able to understand
them this time.
They kept repeating a name, but he didn’t recognize it.
--
August_2005
 
“Eren.”
Eren opened his eyes, squinting when the bright light assaulted them.
“Eren.”
“Hm?”
“Wake up.”
Mikasa shook his shoulders, bringing him out of his groggy state. “Get back
home now. It’s gonna get dark.”
“Uh?” Eren mumbled intelligently. “Mikasa, your hair it’s gotten longer hasn’t
it?”
Mikasa got up and started to walk away from him, ignoring his question. “You
were sleeping tight enough to spout that kind of nonsense upon waking up?”
Eren got up and rubbed his eyes. “Well… I had a long dream, ya see, but I can’t
remember what it was about.”
“Eren?” He looked up at Mikasa’s worried expression. “What’s wrong? Why are you
crying?”
“Huh?” Eren reached up to his face and sure enough there were tears streaming
down his cheeks.
--
November_17th_[11:14am]
 
Eren shoved his hands in his pockets and nudged the door to the apartment
complex that Annie lived in open. He stood out on the curb and contemplated
what to do next. He took his phone out.
Eren: 
Are you home?
Mikasa:
No, I’m with Sasha. Why?
Eren:
Is dad home?
Mikasa:
He should be at work right now. Why?
Is everything alright?
Should I come home?
 
Eren shut his phone off; he didn’t want people texting and calling him. Not
that he’d pick up anyway.      
 
--
 
His home was lit but he saw no car in the driveway. No one was home, unless
they parked in the garage.
He exhaled, hoping it would calm him down. He wasn’t sure how to handle
everything that happened today. Everything was too much to swallow and when he
tried to mull over the sequence of events, he wanted to throw up.
Somehow along the way he ended upstairs in his room, on his bed.
He let the blankets swallow him whole, as he stared up at the ceiling.
There was a whirlwind of thoughts that were running through his head.
Why doesn’t he want me?
Why do I want him?
Why would Hanji tell Armin?
Why did Annie refuse to talk to me?
Who was Armin going to tell? Would he tell Mikasa? Who would Mikasa tell?
What would Dad do if he found out I told people? Would he deny it?
Would he kill me?
Eren grunted in frustration and turned on his side. He looked at the TV and
decided to turn it on. Nothing caught his interest so he lowered the volume so
that there was noise but he wasn’t able to distinguish the words.
His gaze lifted to his nightstand. It was cluttered with junk and cords but
among the mess there was a white bottle of pain killers. He reached for them.
--
November_17th_[7:55pm]
 
When Eren woke up he was clutching the open pill bottle. His head was pounding
and there was an odd taste in his mouth, and he started to wonder how many he
had taken and why he had taken any at all.
He looked at the clock on his nightstand. Seven? Almost eight? How long was I
out for?
Eren got up to stretch his back when a sharp pain registered in his lower back.
He groaned in annoyance of the memories that started to flood his senses. He
started to walk to the bathroom to take a cold shower and wake himself up. Or
maybe a hot one—either way, he wanted to scrub until his skin was raw and his
memories washed down the drain.
There was a loud bang coming from downstairs. It was probably Mikasa; he
decided to go check it out and apologize to her for not answering her texts,
but mostly to see if Armin and Hanji told her anything.
There was no red scarf hanging from the front door though. Maybe she went to
the kitchen first?
All the blood drained from Eren’s face. His eyes collided with his dad’s.
“Hello, Eren.”
Eren didn’t answer. His dad wasn’t drunk…so it was okay. He walked around him
and moved to the kitchen to get something to eat; he hadn’t eaten all day.
“You came in late last night.”
A chill ran down Eren’s spine; he hated when his dad spoke to him when he
couldn’t see him. It made all his next moves unpredictable.
“I didn’t come home at all.” Eren murmured.
“Where were you?” Eren looked up over the marble counter to look at Grisha. He
was packing a bag—he was leaving again.
“Does it matter?” Eren deadpanned. He wasn’t going to cower this time; it
wasn’t like anything would happen. Grisha never touched him when he was sober.
“Where are you going?” Eren asked, anger rising to his core.
“To work.”
“Why? Why don’t you ever stay home with you kids? Even when we were little you
were always gone!” He started to yell and he could see his father’s jaw clench.
“Why Dad?”
“Because,” Grisha turned around to shove something in the duffel bag, “I need
to earn money, for you and Mikasa. So you’re able to go to college, although it
seems you’re not very grateful for it.”
Eren balled his hands into fists, his nails digging into the soft, vulnerable
skin of his palms.
“What about us? Aren’t we important?! Parents should be there to raise their
children!” Eren shook with anger; he hadn’t ever voiced all the pint up
emotions he had from over the years.
“That wasn’t a problem before, now was it Eren!” Grisha started to stalk over
to Eren until he was leaning over him. Fear stroke in Eren’s heart and he
started to wonder if alcohol even changed anything. Alcohol was never the fire
to his father's anger; it was just the fuel to the burning embers that already
existed.
“You had your mother here to love you two, but that was before you killed her!”
Grisha fist grasped the collar of his green sweater. His throat closed and it
was becoming harder and harder to breathe.
“If there’s anyone to blame Eren,” he spat, “it’s you.”
Eren clenched his eyes in pain as the searing heat reached his face; he was
punched. Twice.
Eren fell to his knees, and his father loomed over him. There was something
long in his hand, shiny and metallic. It was a belt with a buckle that was
several inches square, made of heavy brass.
“What’s your name?” His dad blocked out the light from the ceiling, masking
himself in darkness.
Eren scrunched up his face in confusion. “Eren Jaeger.”
Grisha swung his arm out and there was a flash of light before Eren’s head
erupted in pain. His legs seemed to liquefy, and he collapsed. The room spun.
He felt a warm trickle running down his temple then his face. He got up on one
knee, shaking all the way. “No.” He mumbled. He wasn’t sure what he was saying
no to; he could barely think-everything was fuzzy.
Grisha leaned over him, making a cooing sound, a sort of “Awww.” Eren looked up
at him.
Grisha handed him a shirt and signaled Eren to press it to his temple.
“Why do you make me do this to you, boy?” Grisha asked in remorseful tone. Eren
pulled himself upright, and his dad waited for him to ready himself.
“Now, what’s your name?”
“Eren Jaeger.” Grisha made a sound of acknowledgement.
The relief was just entering his mind when the buckle, whirling around from his
dad’s swinging arms, struck his head again. Eren felt pain cracking his skull
open, his body going liquid again. He smacked into the floor.
--
November_17th_[8:20pm]
 
The second time Eren came to, he was on the carpet floor of his living room. He
sat up and  immediately regretted it, when a surge of pain coursed to his
temples. There was a slight ringing in his left ear and there was blood caked
to that side of his face as well.
His father was sitting in his chair, like always, reading a book. He looked up
from it when he realized Eren was awake.
Grisha got up and walked to him, he extended his hand. “Poor boy, you had a
terrible fall there.”
That’s not how I remember it.Eren took the hand anyway and was lifted up.
His dad turned around and he wasn’t sure what to do with himself; he was too
afraid to move. “You know I was about to leave to the airport, but it’s already
too late. I guess I’ll just have to leave tomorrow.”
His dad turned around and there was a crazed look in his eyes. “Now, you’ve
been a bad boy today: yelling at me like that, quite disrespectful. It’s only
right a father discipline his child.”
Eren walked backwards as his father came closer. His back pressed up against a
wall and one thought came to mind: will he kill me?
Grisha grabbed something, a vase, and weighed it in his hand. Before he knew
what was happening the heavy vase was flying towards him. Eren only had a
fraction of a second to shield himself with his right arm.
There was a loud shattering sound as it broke against Eren’s hard bones,
sending shards directly into his body.
His shoulder and arm burned as sharp glass imbedded itself into his muscle.
Blood started to pour down his body in slow steady streams, as Eren screamed in
agony. He fell to the ground.
There was a painful weight applied to his chest making all the air in Eren’s
lungs vanish. A sickening crunch reached his ears and searing hot pain exploded
in his chest. Then there was more pressure, more weight as somebody climbed on
top of his body. Hands wrapped around his throat, constricting his airway.
Eren choked and gasped but no air came in. His chest started to burn and burst
with pain, desperate for oxygen. His vision blurred, and one question was on
his mind: will I die?
--
November_17th_[8:41pm]
Levi
 
Levi slammed his phone against the counter in frustration; he was an abusive
phone owner.
“Calm down, Levi.”
He turned around to glare at Hanji and spew curse words, but he shut his mouth.
She was just trying to help; she wanted to find him as much as he did.
“Why won’t he answer?” Levi said instead.
“He probably turned it off.” Armin answered, a somber tone overtaking his
voice.
Silence filled the room, and Levi hated it. He knew this was his entire fault
and he was sure everyone else agreed. Anxiety climbed up his throat. He hoped-
prayedthat Eren was alright. Eren was probably just mad and refused to answer
them, and god he hoped that was the situation, but Levi couldn’t help but feel
like it wasn’t true. Something was off.
A phone rang; Levi looked at his expectantly. It was Armin’s.
“Hello?” The blonde answered his phone and Levi let out a sigh.
“What? Since when?” Arlert’s features grew worried or was it fear that he was
showing?
He hung up the phone his eyes wide. “Mikasa called. She says she heard from
Eren this afternoon, she said he was asking if she was home.”
“He went home.” Hanji finished for him.
--
Mikasa arrived at the same time they did. Levi immediately ran out of the car
and to her.
“Give me the keys!” He shouted at Eren’s sister, frantic to get into the house
and make sure the boy was okay.
“What? No. Why are you here?” Levi glared at the girl intimidatingly and she
glared back.
“If I’m right then Eren is in trouble and if I’m wrong he’s alright. Either way
we’ll only find out if you give me the damn keys.” Mikasa’s face softened then
hardened at hearing her brother might be in danger. She handed the keys to
Levi.
He ran to the front door, heart pounding, sweat beading on his forehead.
He registered vaguely the conversation the other three were having behind him.
Please be okay Eren. Please.
After scrambling to open the door, he ran inside, searching the unfamiliar
house until he ran into a destroyed room.
He looked down at the carpeted white ground. There were blood stains. Levi’s
heart slammed into his throat.
No, this can’t be happening again.
He walked forwards, glass crunching under his feet, the sound of the other
three coming in the house.
He looked behind the couch, and his legs grew weak.
Eren was there on the ground, his temple covered in blood, his shoulder and
arms bleeding profusely, dark bruises rimming his throat and face.
Levi fell forward and grabbed Eren.
“Levi?” Mikasa’s voice carried from the other end of the room.
Levi heaved Eren into his arms, cradling his head. He stared down at the
battered boy with shocked wide eyes. He hadn’t realized he was crying until he
tasted salt on his lips.
“Oh my god! Eren!”
“Armin, call 911.”
“No, no, no, no.”
“Who did this?!”
He pressed two shaky fingers to Eren’s throat; there was a weak but existent
pulse.
Levi let out a long breathy sigh. He pressed a kiss to Eren’s cold forehead.
“Stay with me, Bright Eyes.”
--
November_17th_[9:40pm]
Eren
 
Eren fought through the darkness. The voices simmered down to one. It kept
repeating something. A name? He swam up trying to break through the surface,
trying to grasp what they were saying.
Wind hit his face as he broke through the water. He gasped for air. There was a
ringing in his ear but he heard it clearly this time: “Bright Eyes”.
He fell back in, but this time he wasn’t greeted by cold and hurt. There was a
warmth instead that filled the dark abyss. It seeped into his body, and he let
it drag him down this time.
Eren smiled. He could stop fighting now.
--
November_23rd_[7:49am]
 
A dull pain swam through Eren as he blinked his eyes open to an unfamiliar
room. Where am I?
Eren tried to pull himself upright, but there was a gentle hand pushing him
down accompanied with a slight pain in his ribs.
“Don’t hurt yourself, Bright Eyes.”
Bright Eyes.
Eren looked up at Levi, his heart swimming with pain and content. Levi looked
tired, there were dark bags under his eyes like he hadn't slept in days and his
eyes had a sad tinge to them that wasn’t there before.
Eren looked away and instead looked at the beeping machine next to him, then to
the white curtains, then to the way too revealing gown he was wearing, then to
the IV sticking out of arm.
“Huh?”
“Eren.” Eren’s eyes flicked up immediately to meet Levi’s. “Do you remember
what happened?”
Eren scrunched up his nose. What’s he talking about?
His gaze flicked down to the hand that encased his own. He weakly pulled it
away almost stopping when he saw the hurt expression that crossed Levi’s face.
“I guess I have some explaining to do.” There was a slight upturn to Levi’s
lips.
Eren pursed one eyebrow up. “Go on.”
Levi leaned back in his chair and stared into Eren’s eyes. “I want you to know
that what we did—us, it’s not a mistake not to me at least. I know it’s messed
up and I know it’s wrong, but I really don’t give a shit.” Levi paused.
“I didn’t want to…hurt you. I left because I was scared. Scared of what I did
and what was going to happen to us, and what you would think of me. I wasn’t
trying to take advantage of you and your age and I know we were both a little
drunk. I know I’m an asshole, especially to you, and…”
Eren had never seen Levi struggle with his words. It was amusing.
“I’m not really good at this-“
“Apologizing?”
Levi shut his mouth and slightly dropped his gaze. “Yes, but I meant
relationships. I’m shit at relationships or friendships or really socializing
in general, and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry… I shouldn’t have left I should’ve been
there when you woke up so that—maybe this wouldn’t have happen—”
Eren gulped. Levi was—was Levi crying?
Levi gripped the chair’s armrests. “What I’m trying to say is that I’m sorry,
for leaving you, for sleeping with you, for not protecting you…”
There was a silence that overwhelmed them both after that.
“You regret having sex?” Eren asked slightly hurt and blushing.
Levi’s face contorted. “No. I don’t regret it. I just regret having to do that
to you.”
Eren was so confused and Levi noticed.
“Okay. Eren how old are you?’
“Eighteen.” What the hell is this about?
Levi’s jaw clenched. “I’m thirty. That’s a twelve year difference, Eren, and
I’m your professor.”
Levi leaned forward. “You’re eighteen so it’s not considered statuary rape, but
you are my student.”
“Is that why you left? You were scared you would get caught?” Eren asked
reluctantly, scared what his answer would be.
“No and yes. I was scared that I’d get caught and that I’d lose my job and you
would be expelled, but that’s not why I left. I was scared of what you think,
of me, of the age difference.”
Eren snorted. “I don’t care. I just didn’t want you to leave.”
Levi stared at him for a moment and then burst out laughing. “You have got to
be shitting me.”
“You say shit a lot.”
“Yeah, I do.”
Eren smiled to himself happy to start discovering new things about Levi.
“So, does this mean…”
Levi smiled and Eren thought his heart was going to leap out of his chest.
“What do you say, Bright Eyes? Want to put everything on the line and stay with
me?”
--
November_18th_[1:44am]
Levi
 
“Levi, can I talk to you?” Mikasa had draped her red scarf around her arms and
had come out of the room Eren was in. They wouldn’t let any of them in yet
until Eren was stabilized. They’d been waiting outside for about four hours.
The shock and anger had boiled down and now everyone was just tired and anxious
to see Eren. They were all alternating sleeping shifts; nobody wanted to be
asleep when Eren was awake.
Hanji and Armin had explained to Mikasa about Grisha. She was shocked and
denied it at first, but after an hour or so she started to peace it together
and accepted it.
The police haven’t found him yet, but Armin made sure they were searching. Levi
had never seen that little firecracker so wound up.
“Yeah, of course.”
Mikasa sat next to him and was silent for a few minutes; Levi assumed she was
collecting her thoughts so he didn’t interrupt.
“What’s your relation to Eren?”
“I don’t know,” he turned to look at her, “I honestly don’t know.”
“I will tell you the truth though.” Mikasa looked at him expectantly.
“We did sleep together yesterday night. I do regret it, since we both weren’t
sober and I will discuss it with Eren after he wakes up. I didn’t try to take
advantage of your brother,” Levi’s gaze flicked towards Mikasa again. There was
anger simmering under her stoic face, but no surprise. Armin had probably
already told, and she wanted to see if Levi would tell her the truth.
“Other than that, I don’t know. I don’t know if he wants to be in a
relationship and I’m not sure either. I don’t want him to get in trouble with
the school, and I really don’t want to be fucking fired. So, it’s all up to
Eren. If he wants to be in a relationship then so be it.”
“And if he doesn’t?” Mikasa spoke through clenched teeth.
“If he doesn’t, then I will not pursue it. I suppose our relationship will
become strictly professional.”
Mikasa huffed. “I don’t approve of you, at all.” Levi winced internally at her
words.
“But…if you make Eren happy, then I won’t say anything.” Mikasa leaned back in
her chair.
“But if you hurt him I will kill you.” She added quickly.
Levi chuckled. “I believe you.”
--
November_23rd_[7:58am]
Eren 
 
“What do you say, Bright Eyes? Want to put everything on the line and stay with
me?”
Eren’s eyes widened never in a million years did he think Levi would ever want
to be his boyfriend. He does want to be my boyfriend, right?
“Boyfriends?” Eren blurted, his cheeks reddening with embarrassment.
Levi laughed, and Eren decided he really liked Levi’s laugh. “Yes, you brat.”
Eren pouted at the name. Levi reached again for Eren’s hand and this time Eren
didn’t shrug away from the touch. He looked down at their conjoined hands. His
wrist was in a brace, and that wasn’t all.
There were bandages on his head and gauze around his waist. What happened?Eren
pushed the thought away, it didn’t matter now.
“Levi?”
“Yeah?”
Eren looked away in humiliation from what he was about to ask. “Will you…kiss
me?”
Levi didn’t answer so Eren looked back, fearful that he had said something
wrong.
Levi was smiling; he was smiling and Eren wasn’t sure he’d ever get used to it.
“God, you are too cute.”
Eren’s face flushed. How come he doesn’t get embarrassed when he says things
like that?!
Levi got up and leaned over Eren, pressing a small chaste kiss to his forehead.
Eren was about to protest about how that wasn’t the kiss he was really hoping
for, when Levi kissed his nose and then his eye lid and then the other one. He
pecked Eren’s cheek, which stung from the contact, and then the other one. He
paused before he captured Eren’s lips in a sweet, gentle kiss.
His head was swimming, but this time it was for a whole new reason.
Chapter End Notes
     Okay lots of notes on this one.
     First of all, in the beginning when Eren's hanging with his dark
     spirit buddies he's in the unconscious state after his father left
     and before/during Levi found him. (btw the pain in his chest is like
     his 2 ribs being broken so it makes it painful for him to breathe and
     what not)
     Second of all, idk if ya'll noticed but the scene in italics with
     Eren and Mikasa (subtitled August 2005) is straight out of the manga
     word per word from where Eren wakes up outside before the Colossal
     Titan attacks yaaaa (literally Chapter/Episode 1). In here thats like
     the day before his mom got into the car accident.
     Third of all (is that even a thing), haha I did the calculations with
     Levi's age and I said he went to college in 1999 which would make him
     34 except he's not... so yeah he's 30. Because when Isabel dies he's
     25 and then 5 years pass so i screwed that up.
     And lastly, YES Eren has slight amnesia and does not remember his
     father's abuse but its also his minds defense mechanism from serious
     trauma so yep thats all.
     Chapters in the future will explain the Network better, Eren and
     Levi's involvement with it and how Isabel died.
     Thank you lovelies!
***** Sunshine Smiles *****
Chapter Notes
     Happy Valentine's Day!
     THANK YOU GUYS FOR GETTING COLOR BLIND OVER 3000 HITS! I'm so happy
     rn, thanks for reading :)
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Eren’s head was swimming all right, except now it was because he was being
eased off the painkillers and agony started to seep back in. He rubbed his head
absentmindedly, careful to avoid the bandaged area.
The doctors told him they would keep him under watch for another day and night
to make sure he was completely stable and ready to be released. Well, that was
two days and he was starting to wonder if his head hurt because of his injuries
or because of all the arguing and yelling bouncing off of his room’s walls.
“Well, he can’t go home, that’s for sure.”
“Why not?” Mikasa questioned, tapping her fingers on her crossed arm as she
glared bullets into Levi’s skull.
“You know why.” Levi retorted vaguely. Eren scrunched his face up in confusion.
He honestly had no clue what the hell they were fighting about, but he knew for
sure they were speaking in code or something to avoid letting him hear the
truth about his...circumstances. They didn’t want Eren to know why he ended up
in the hospital, and Eren knew Armin and Mikasa would never keep something from
him unless it would endanger him in some way. He was probably better off not
knowing if it was really that bad.
“It’s not safe there Mikasa.” Armin chirped from his seat next to Eren. He
looked over at Eren and gave him a reassuring smile, his head bobbing back as
he did.
Eren fiddled with the hem of his T-shirt. He was being released today, so
Mikasa had left—although reluctantly—to get him some clothes from home so he
didn’t have to walk out of there with his ass hanging out for the half the
world to see.
“Why don’t we speak out in the hall?” Mikasa spoke through clenched teeth and
left the room before anyone could agree or disagree. Levi let out an elongated
sigh and looked over Eren, widening his eyes sarcastically at Mikasa’s
behavior.
A giggle escaped him and he was glad Levi had left already and wasn’t around to
hear whatever the hell just came out of his mouth.
Eren looked around his small space. He was glad he was out of here; the last
two days were Hell—well he was technically here for eight days. Eww, gross.
Eren never liked hospitals. He found them annoyingly clean and morbid. Unlike
most people, he did not associate hospitals with lives being saved. No, they
reminded him of death, and death made him unbearably uncomfortable.
There was knock at his door, and in came Hanji. Eren smiled at her as she sat
herself on the edge of his bed. Eren scooted back and crossed his legs to make
more room for her.
“Hey, Freshie.” Hanji leaned forward to boophis nose.
“How you holding up?” Hanji rested her head on her propped hand and stared at
Eren expectantly.
Eren shrugged. “Mm, my head hurts and so does like most of my body, but I think
I’ll be fine.”
Hanji nodded. “Still don’t remember anything?”
Eren paused for a moment before shaking his head.
Hanji nodded again and Eren couldn’t tell what expression she was
wearing—whether it was a glad one or not, when she heard that Eren’s memories
hadn't suddenly pop back up into existence.
“Well, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”
Eren quirked an eyebrow and waited for Hanji to continue.
“The doctor’s only condition to letting you out today was for you to go see a
psychiatrist who specializes in memory losses similar to your case. So, I
thought maybe you would be more comfortable talking to someone you had already
met—which is why I asked Moblit to take a look at you.” Hanji rocked slowly as
she spoke.
“I didn’t know he was a psychiatrist.” The way Eren said it made it sound more
like a question than a statement.
“Yeah! That’s why he can rarely help me out at the school.” Hanji pursed her
lips in thought. “Unless you would rather see someone else! I’d totally
understand and so would Moblit.”
“No! No, its fine it would probably be easier to talk to someone I knew
anyway.” Eren grinned sheepishly.
They sat there in silence for a while until a question came to mind.
“Why won’t you guys just tell me what happened?”
Hanji opened her mouth and then quickly shut it as if she didn’t trust herself
to speak. “It really would be best if you remembered on your own. Don’t try to
push yourself too hard, Eren. You’ll remember when you’re ready to.” She left
it at that, and Eren decided it would be best to not further question her.
Hanji hummed and got off the bed. “I’m going to go check on them. Make sure no
one’s head has been chewed off.” She bent down and left a kiss on Eren’s
bandaged forehead before leaving.
 
===============================================================================
 
Levi
 
Hanji was back from speaking with Eren, but Levi was pretty sure she just
wanted to escape the discussion they were going to have.
Levi sipped at his coffee; it left a stale taste in his mouth, but what more
could he expect from hospital coffee.
He wasn’t sure what to make of all of this. He knew Mikasa was probably a bit
angrier than she should be solely because of Eren and Levi’s relationship. And
then there was that...whole thing.
He really had no clue how that had happened. He was certain that the second he
spoke with Eren he was going to be rejected, but that wasn’t what happened at
all. Instead Eren ended up being his boyfriend—albeit, things were still
majorly fucked in general and Eren still hadn’t recovered his memories, but
between the chaotic fighting with Eren’s sister and the shit-tasting coffee,
things were better than it should have been.
“He can come back.”
“What?” Mikasa asked. She had apparently not heard Levi speak up, but that
could be because his voice was muffled by a coffee cup.
“He can come back,” Levi repeated, “and if he does I don’t think Eren will
live.”
“Why would he come back? He would get caught, and he doesn’t want that. He’s
gone for sure, I know he is.” Mikasa replied stubbornly.
“Are you really that willing to risk your brother’s life?” Levi saw the gears
turning in Mikasa’s head—most likely from thinking of ways to murder Levi.
“Think about it. What do we all want?—Eren to be safe, and the only way we can
guarantee that is if he’s somewhere he won’t be found.” Levi tossed his almost
full cup in the trashcan.
“Then he’ll stay with Armin.”
“No. The likely-hood that he will look for Eren at my house after he realizes
Eren isn’t at his house is too high. He would be safer with someone—anyone else
besides us.” Levi watched Armin’s attention avert to somewhere else as he
spoke.
“Why can’t I stay with Levi?” Eren leaned on the door to his hospital room.
Levi wasn’t sure how much he had heard, but from the looks of it not much.
Everyone looked at Eren and contemplated his suggestion.
“You can’t do that.” Mikasa shook her head.
“Why not?”
“Because it’s not appropriate.”
“Look, Mikasa, you want me to be safe right? That’s all that matters to you, I
know that and I’m thankful for it, but right now you’re not making sense. If
you want me to be safe then let me stay with Levi. He lives from far from home,
so whatever happened couldn’t possibly happen again. Or whoever…” Eren’s face
contorted in a pained expression and Levi knew he was trying badly to remember.
“He’s right.” Levi answered. Eren’s eyes brightened and completely had
forgotten the confusion they held before. Something inside Levi lurched; how
was he supposed to live with Eren if every face he made, made Levi want to jump
off a bridge from emotions.
Eren hummed happily and looked at Mikasa pleadingly. She sighed. “Let’s go grab
your stuff.”
--
Levi waited patiently at the bottom of the stairs in Eren’s house. The police
had cleared out anything they deemed evidence, which was most of the
downstairs, so there was nothing to trigger Eren’s remembrance. At one point on
the way here Eren had asked where his dad was and why he hadn’t visited him in
the hospital.
Everyone held their breath at that one, and then Mikasa quickly replied that he
had left on a business trip before Eren was admitted to the hospital. She
reassured him Grisha knew, but said nothing about Grisha’s “feelings” on the
topic or when he would return.
It felt a little bit like lying, but Levi supposed it was better this way.
“I’m sorry for blowing up on you earlier.” Mikasa said thoughtfully.
Levi nodded. “No need to. I understand this must be hard for you, and I know
you have Eren’s best interest in mind, we all do, and that’s what he needs
right now. I’ll keep him safe, I promise.” Levi said exactly what he knew she
wanted to hear; they weren’t lies, he just knew it would ease the girl. He was
glad Eren had someone like Mikasa, who would fight for him without second
thought. He just hoped she didn’t blame herself for not knowing about their
father. It’s hard to see the monster beneath people’s skin and even harder when
the terrorized do not seek refuge.
Maybe amnesia was good for Eren; the poor boy deserved a break from his
reality. There were a lot of times Levi prayed his memories would be wiped from
his mind—he tried to, just with different methods of self-destruction.
But that didn’t matter now; he cannot run from his past like day cannot run
from night. He just hoped Eren would realize that soon.
Speaking of the brat, he’s really taking his sweet time.Mikasa had left to wait
in the driveway—probably because she didn’t want to be in the house or for all
he knew she was on watch duty, all he knew was that he wanted to minimize the
amount of time Eren spent here.
He walked up the stairs and down a hall—why are there so many halls. Well, I
guess it is a house—until he found what he assumed was either Eren’s or
Mikasa’s room.
Bingo.
Eren was standing with his back towards Levi, looking down at something he
held. It took Eren five more seconds to feel someones presence. He looked
shocked when he saw Levi like he anticipated somebody else, but a smile found
its way on Eren’s lips soon enough.
“What you got there?” Levi leaned against the far wall, 75% because he was
exhausted and 25% because he felt awkward standing in Eren’s room as it was. He
hadn’t gotten much sleep ever since Eren was submitted to the hospital,
although not due to his insomniac habits. He couldn’t wait to get home and lie
in his own bed instead of the stiff board-like chairs in Eren’s room. A
realization came to Levi; Eren would be sleeping in his bed as well. The
thought was appealing.
“It’s my mom.” Eren held the framed photo up for Levi to see. Levi stepped
forward to take it.
“You look a lot like her.”
“Really? Thanks.” He could tell Eren held a lot of pride in his mother. Why
couldn’t he feel that pride for himself?
“Yeah, you both have those ridiculously pretty green eyes,” said eyes widened
at the compliment and cheeks grew pink, “and you both have that same smile.”
Levi’s finger traced the upward curve of Eren’s lips or at least where they
should be. The boy should really smile more.
He pressed a finger to Eren’s chest. “Now finish packing so I can get your
sorry ass out of here, and most importantly in bed.”
Eren quirked an eyebrow and smirked. “Aye, aye sir.”
“To sleep Jaeger, to sleep.” Eren did start packing after Levi’s insistency,
and Levi took the time to look around Eren’s room.
There weren’t a lot of posters or typical teenage things. There was a box in
the corner with what looked like sport trophies and another with papers, and
books. At least he can read.There was study desk with textbooks on top and
Eren’s bed and nightstand—which was filled to every corner with garbage and is
that a pill bottle?
Aside from that, Eren’s room was rather bare for someone who had lived there
for most of his life.
“What?” Eren had caught Levi staring.
Levi waited a beat. “Nothing, everything just seems impersonal.”
“What can I say, I’m not a materialistic person.”
“Cute,” Levi’s said, his voice laced with sarcasm.
Eren’s reply was a pillow to the face. Levi caught the pillow right before it
hit him and glared at Eren considering he wasn’t able to return the favor.
“Ouch.How does a look inflict so much pain?” Eren gripped his chest feigning
pain.
“Some people are born more divine than others.” Eren frowned clearly
unsatisfied with Levi’s reply.
“I’m done.” Eren held two duffel bags and Levi grabbed both of them.
“I’m not going to break from a couple of bags you know Levi.” Eren huffed in an
annoyed childish tone.
“Can’t take that chance.” Levi turned around before catching the confused look
that crossed Eren’s face.
 
===============================================================================
 
Eren
 
Eren tapped his fingers rhythmically against the wooden post of the stairs. He
looked around his house. He wondered how long it would be before he saw it
again, and why that thought left a gaping hole in his gut.  He supposed it was
understandable, after all it was the house he grew up in, but it was also the
four walls that held the darkest depths of his Hell.
“Eren!”
Eren’s loud giggle filled the air as he bounded down the stairs.
Someone tapped his shoulder. Eren turned around to Mikasa’s comforting face.
“Hey.” She whispered.
“Hey,” he whispered.
“Come back here!” Eren turned around to look at his friend. She was smiling,
smiling so wide he thought the sun would shine through the cracks between her
teeth.
“Nuh-uh. You have to catch me first!” Eren stuck his tongue out and jumped of
the stairs making a mad dash for the kitchen.
Mikasa adjusted the bag in her hand that was suddenly seen by Eren. She noticed
his gaze. “I thought it would be best if I stayed with Armin for the time
being.”
Eren was glad; he didn’t want what happened to him to happen to her—whatever
that was.
When he came to the kitchen he saw his quiet neighbor Armin sitting with his
grandpa who was talking to Eren’s mother. Armin looked up through his blonde
fringe.
“Eren!” Mikasa’s voice echoed from a far distance.
“Want to play?” Eren asked in a hushed tone. Armin nodded, as Eren beckoned him
to come closer. He took the boys hand and led him to another room and up the
second flights of stairs in the house; the one less taken.
Eren stared at Mikasa. He wasn’t sure what to say—what he was supposed to
say—what she wanted to hear.
Mikasa stared back and Eren knew she was thinking the same thing, so he pulled
her into a hug and let it speak for him.
Mikasa tightened her arms around him, shifting her bag to the side awkwardly.
“You call me anytime okay? No matter what.”
“I’ll still see you every day.” Eren mumbled into her shoulder.
“I know,” Mikasa pulled back and reached up to caress his cheek. “If that
midget hurts you, you tell me and I will personally send his ass back to the
Shire.”
Eren snorted a laugh. “Did you just call Levi a hobbit?”
Mikasa smiled, it wasn’t as wide as before, but he swore he could still see the
sunlight seep through her closed teeth.
“Where are we going?” Armin half-shouted half-whispered into Eren’s ear.
Eren shushed him and told him to follow. He stopped at a door which Armin
assumed was a hall closet but turned out to be stairs to the attic.
They tip-toed upstairs, closing the door behind them.
Armin held Eren’s hand tight. The attic stairs were dark but the attic itself
was pretty well lit due to the windows.
“She won’t find us here.”
“Oh, really now?”
Eren let out a high yelp as he turned around to see Mikasa sitting on the sun-
lit section of the floor.
Armin giggled beside him, and Eren was suddenly aware they were still holding
hands. He didn’t let go.
“Damn.” Eren cursed under his breath as he walked with Armin to sit next to
Mikasa.
Mikasa squeezed his hand and stepped back. Eren wondered why he felt so sad.
They lay next to each staring at the yellow window of the attic, hands clasped
together.
“Hey, Armin?”
Armin looked at Eren expectantly. “You should be our best friend.” Eren
suggested. Armin let out a small laugh.
“Okay.”
“Think about it. We’ll be like the three musketeers.” Eren moved his hand of
front of himself, as if he were touching something in the air.
“You’re such a dork, Eren.” Eren turned to glare at Mikasa, but soon all that
was left in the small attic was sunlight and the laughter of children.
“I love you, Eren. Stay safe, please.” Mikasa squeezed his hand one last time
before letting go.
“I love you too, sis.”
Eren turned back around to look around one last time before he left.
He wanted to remember—to remember so badly, but he couldn’t and the more he
tried the more his head heart.
He wasn’t sure how long he was standing there staring into blank space
recalling memories he could not recall, but something told him it had been a
while when there was small pull at his waist.
It was Levi this time. “Time to go, Bright Eyes.”
--
Eren stared down at the contraption in front of him.
“What the fuck is this?”
Levi stared at him like he had asked why the world spun.
“You know I knew you were a bit dumb but I didn’t know the lengths of your
stupidity.” Levi said.
Eren shot him a look. “How am I supposed to ride this thing?”
“You will not be riding,” Levi shoved a helmet at Eren, “I will.”
Levi threw a long slim leg over the sleek motorcycle and waited for Eren to get
on. Eren would be lying if he said the sight didn’t turn him on a little bit.
“Come on, I’ll go slow, and if anything hurts I’ll stop immediately and get you
a cab.” Levi extended a hand and it took Eren a couple of moments before he
took it.
A jolt ran through him as the motorcycle sped off as soon as he wrapped his
arms around Levi.
A shaky breath escaped him as wind ripped at his face and the strands of hair
that poked out of his helmet.
He laughed and laughed and laughed. Everything whipped past him, his mind never
having a second to register his surroundings, and he was left rather color
blind by it all.
--
Eren took a quick shower after he got settled down at Levi’s. He let the hot
water soak through his muscles but got out after three minutes because the pain
of having the water pound his bruised skin was too much to bear.
He looked in the mirror and peeked under his head bandage. Oh, that’s gross.
The skin around his injury was raw and yellow and he wondered if that’s why his
head hurt all the goddam time. Eren sighed and stepped away from the mirror.
He pulled some sweats on and a T-shirt and exited the bathroom.
“That was quick.” Levi mumbled. He was in the bed stretched out on his back.
“It’s seven Levi.”
“So?”
“So, it’s not time for bed.”
“Who the hell made you time-keeper? Its bed time somewhere in the world, so
it’s bed time for me.” Levi patted the bed and mumbled for Eren to come.
Eren obliged and let himself get pulled into Levi’s chest. His face was inches
away from Levi’s and he took the time to look at Levi’s eyes. He always thought
they were grey—and they were, except they were bluer on the outskirts and if
Eren looked close enough there were gold flecks near the pupils.
Levi leaned forward a pressed a kiss to Eren's chapped lips. He pulled back
slightly before connecting them again this time more passion packed and left
Eren tingling all over.
He pulled away from Eren until they were was the smallest possible space
between them.
The grey orbs glistened with water.
“I’m sorry.”
Eren didn’t reply. He wasn’t sure what Levi was apologizing for and he highly
doubted it was Levi’s fault anyway—although, he was sure it had to do with the
pain that bled into his bones—but he accepted the apology. He didn’t care
anymore, not as long as he was wrapped up in those arms.
Chapter End Notes
     Oh god yeah I don't really like this chapter it's mostly a filler,
     but necessary. Sorry this was kind of delayed but I'll update soon
     because it's winter break woohoo thank you America for your many
     unnecessary vacations!
***** the Road to Recovery *****
Chapter Summary
     hey look at those POV switches
Chapter Notes
     hope this chapter isn't too mind-numbing
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Eren shifted uncomfortably in his chair. It wasn’t that he was uncomfortable
around Moblit, no not at all. He had just never ever seen a counselor much less
a professional.
Moblit’s office seemed very homey…but he supposed that was a tactic they used
to calm patients. The chair he sat in was more of a recliner than anything, and
he felt like he was going to sink and vanish in the comfy cushions. Moblit sat
across from on a similar chair that looked sturdier and not as overly
cushioned, with a leg crossed over the other and a notepad in hand. He looked
exactly how Eren imagined a shrink would look like.
He wore clean cut clothes—not too formal not too casual, and in no way
offensive to patients. His light brown hair was combed thoroughly unlike how it
was when Eren met him.
Eren laughed internally. He was here to be observed not to be the observer.
“Eren, do you know why you’re here?” Moblit spoke for the first time since the
session had started, but that was probably because he wanted Eren to settle in
first.
Eren nodded reluctantly. Moblit waited for him to elaborate.
“Well, the doctors wanted me to come so I could remember what happened.” Eren
looked at Moblit expectantly.
“Yes, that is true, but is that all you are hoping to get out of this?”
Eren frowned. He hadn’t thought about anything else besides retrieving his
memories.
“Let’s start with getting to know each other.” Moblit suggested.
Eren began telling him about himself and what he spent his time doing, he told
him he wasn’t majoring in anything yet and that he really had no clue what he
wanted to do in college. Moblit wrote that down but didn’t push the subject
further.
Eren skimmed quickly over his mother’s death and continued on to tell him about
his school life and how he always got into fights. Moblit stayed silent aside
from the occasional question until Eren finished.
“How did Mikasa come under your parents’ guardianship?” Eren blanked. He hadn’t
even thought about mentioning it.
“Uh, well we were neighbors ever since I can remember and our parents were
really close, so close that they were my godparents and mine were theirs. So,
when Mikasa’s parents died she was adopted by us because she had no other
family that qualified.”
“How did her parents die?”
Eren paused and scratched his brain. “Well, it was really late at night and her
parents lived right next to us, really close. I could see Mikasa’s parent’s
room from my window. As I said, it was really late at night and I was supposed
to be asleep—everyone else was. And I saw like an orange light outside my
window like flickering…at first I thought it was a streetlamp that was burning
out but then I realized it was way too bright. I looked out my window and into
the Ackerman’s bedroom and there was fire, everywhere. I couldn’t see anything
but the fire so I freaked out and called them.
I don’t know if I was really expecting anyone to answer, but Mikasa did. I
could tell I had woken her up and she didn’t know what was happening. Her room
was downstairs so I guess the fire started in her parent’s room. I told her to
get out of the house as fast as she could. She thought it was like a prank or
just me being me so she did. And that’s when she realized…the police came and
declared her parents had died in the fire. She was different after that.”
Moblit gave Eren a moment to think over what he had just said. “How old were
you?”
“Seven or eight.”
“Why did you call Mikasa?”
Eren looked at Moblit, confusion written all over his face. “Because I wanted
to make sure she was okay. Get her out.”
“Why didn’t you call 911 or your parents?”
“I don’t know. I guess I didn’t think of it. I just wanted Mikasa to be okay; I
wanted to get her out of it.”
Moblit nodded satisfied with the answer. “You said you got into a lot of fights
protecting your friends or other people during school, correct?”
Eren furrowed his eyebrows. “Yeah, I guess.”
“Even recently at your college.” Moblit’s tone was softer hoping he wouldn’t
trigger a bad reaction from Eren. Eren didn’t give one.
“Yes.”
“Do you feel like you have a need to protect other people?”
“Well, I want to help other people of course. It’s not like I’m some sort of
hero.” Eren laughed, sarcasm coating his tone. He didn’t think that at all. He
was far from a hero—closer to a monster who couldn’t control his temper.
Moblit smiled kindly. “No, of course not.”
“Do you tend to stand up for yourself as much as you do for others?”
Eren grew silent, so Moblit moved on to another subject. “Tell me about your
friend Armin.”
Eren brightened immediately and told Moblit everything he could, even the
memory of playing hide and seek with Armin and Mikasa when they were little. He
told him about all the fights he had gotten into when protecting Armin, and how
they wanted to see the ocean.
Moblit gave him an odd look. “You live on the east coast.”
Eren smiled. “Yeah, but we want to see the ocean differently, you know. All of
it.”
Moblit nodded a smile playing at his lips.
--
“How was it?” Levi was putting dishes away when Eren had gotten back from his
session.
“No hello?” Eren asked faking his annoyance. Levi glared at him playfully.
Eren shook his jack off and hung it up in Levi’s closest; he knew Levi didn’t
like having clothes just thrown around. He plopped himself on the couch and
crossed his legs, rocking himself back and forth as he looked at Levi.
“Why do you do that?” Levi pointed at Eren’s rocking with a wet knife.
Eren looked down at his legs. “Dunno. Calms me down, I guess?”
Levi got back to washing the dishes and Eren leaned over the armrest to rest
his head on his arm. Levi didn’t mention it if Eren’s observing bothered him.
His gaze occasionally flicked up at Eren—each time surprised as if he wasn’t
expecting to see him.
When Levi dried his hands off, he climbed onto the couch and sat behind Eren.
“You didn’t answer my question, Jaeger.”
Eren threw his head back looking at Levi from an upside down angle as he hung
on to the couch’s side. “Hmm?”
“How did the session go?” Levi stared at Eren clearly amused by his current
position.
“Oh, that.” Eren let go of the couch and fell on Levi’s lap. Levi let out a
sound that sounded like ‘oof’ and glared at the boy in his lap.
Eren smiled angelically up at his boyfriend. “It was okay, nothing serious.
Mostly getting to know each other and talking about Mikasa and Armin.”
Levi hummed his response and bent down to Eren until his dark locks tickled
Eren’s face.
“You’re such a brat, you know that.” Levi’s breath was warm. Eren whined
dramatically. “I am not.”
“Uh-huh.” Levi’s hands skimmed Eren’s side.
“I’m not ticklish.” Eren blurted, knowing what Levi was up to. He stared at
Levi trying his best to look intimidating; it wasn’t working.
Levi attacked Eren with tickles, careful of his healing injuries, until Eren’s
sides hurt from laughing and his tears welled with tears.
Eren choked on his laughter. “I h-hate you.”
“Mm, no you don’t.” Levi pulled back and stopped his attacks on Eren.
It took Eren a couple of minutes to stop giggling and completely calm down. He
looked up at Eren with one eye; the other was shielded by his arm. “No, I
don’t," he agreed.
Eren swung his arms out and wrapped them around Levi’s waist. Levi groaned.
“You’re like a goddamn monkey.”
Eren giggled.
“Levi?”
“Yeah?”
“Tell me a story.”
“What are you five?” Eren’s response was a hard pinch to Levi’s side. Levi
leaned back onto the couch.
“Okay. There was this story my caretaker in France used to tell me.” Eren
immediately looked at Levi. Levi had never shared anything about his past; Eren
had no clue he lived in France.
“You’re French?”
“Oi, are you going to let me finish my story?”
“Sorry, sorry.” Eren said insincerely.
“I don’t remember it completely,” Eren played with the hem of Levi’s shirt as
he spoke.
“There was a man walking through a forest and he came across a cocoon. The
cocoon was shaking greatly, and the creature inside was struggling to come out.
The man took out a blade and cut it free. He cradled the new moth in his hand,
waiting for it to spread its fine wings. But the wings were undersized—it’s
colors dull and ordinary. Spared the struggle that would have developed them,
the moth could now only crawl on thin legs and soon died.”
Eren glanced up at Levi. “That’s it?” Levi nodded.
“Kind of morbid, don’t you think?” Eren muttered.
Levi shook his head. “No. I had a bad start at life; I lived in an orphanage.
Anna, my caretaker, was trying to tell me that you have to undergo hardships to
become better in the end. Or some shit like that.”
Levi carded his fingers through Eren’s hair. “It’s just a story.” Levi added.
“You must have undergone a lot of hardships.”
“What makes you say that?” Levi asked and Eren wondered if his prediction was
correct.
“Because you’re so goddamn better.” Eren emphasized ‘better’ hoping Levi knew
he meant better than others and not better than he was before. Levi smiled
lazily down at him and wiped his thumb under Eren’s eyes, following its wide
shape.
Levi bent down and Eren’s breath hitched. His lips were soft and tasted as
tantalizing as ever and Eren wondered if a time would ever come when he wasn’t
as ecstatic to kiss Levi. Eren licked at Levi’s lower lip, and his lips parted.
Eren slid his tongue forward, pressing tentatively at Levi’s lips. Levi pushed
forward, his mouth sliding over the both of their tongues before pushing his
own past Eren’s lips. Eren accepted the unspoken challenge, and skimmed the
inside of Levi’s mouth. The playfulness was thrown aside, and it became an all-
out-war for dominance; seeing who could keep their tongue inside the other’s
mouth before it was pushed out.
Levi gave up after a few minutes and let Eren win, opening his mouth and
pressing it against his lover’s. A shock of static ran through Eren’s torso as
Levi ran his hand over it. Eren pulled back from the kiss, a string of saliva
connecting them, and looked at Levi with an unhappy expression.
“You shocked me.” Eren pouted and Levi bent forward to lick at the extended
lip. Eren could feel the smirk that danced on Levi’s lips as he kissed Eren’s
jaw and neck. Eren ran his hands through Levi’s hair and eventually the kisses
stopped coming, but Levi didn’t back away. He cradled Eren in his arms,
encompassing him, shielding him from anything this godforsaken planet was going
to throw at him.
--
The next day when Eren woke up, Levi had already left for work and one of
Eren’s heartstrings plucked to a painful tune. He grabbed his phone and tugged
the comforter over his head, creating his own little fortress. 
He shot a text to Levi saying he had just woke up and that he was going to have
breakfast soon.
Levi:
Are you going to share with me how your morning shit was too?
Eren let out a long, loud laugh.
Eren:
i haven’t taken one yet. but I’ll inform u as soon as i do c:
Levi:
Go eat brat. I’ll be home by 2.
Home. This was his home. Eren hugged the phone to his chest. He assumed it
looked weird that an 18 year old—an adult—was huddled under blankets hugging
his cellphone, an impossibly wide smile on his face, all because of a stupid
text. It wasn’t even anything cute or flirtatious it was the fact that Levi
thought of his home as their home and it made Eren want to throw his phone
against the wall from the giddiness he was feeling.
Levi had been opening up to Eren, trusting him with things he never had before;
things Eren hadn’t thought Levi was even capable of doing when they had first
met.
Eren thumbed his phone, a frown plaguing his happiness. He wished he could be
honest with Levi in return, but what would he tell him? Levi had revealed to
him that he was an orphan it was only fair that Eren share something in return.
That’s it I’m going to tell him the truth…not everything, but enough.His frown
deepened. He couldn’t even tell him all of the truth. How was he ever going to
be a good boyfriend?
Eren started to feel more suffocated than comforted by the blankets. He pushed
them away and sat upright.
Eren slapped both sides of his face with his hands. I’ll tell him everything. I
have to.
Eren looked over at the clock on the nightstand. 11:44.
He got up and showered, brushed his teeth, and had something to eat. When he
was done he texted Armin and Mikasa letting them know that he was okay and he
had already taken the anti-inflammatories he was prescribed. Mikasa didn’t
answer back because she was in class but Eren had a small conversation with
Armin, mostly about how Armin was suffering because now there wasn’t only one
person in his house that couldn’t cook but two.
A smile returned to Eren’s somber face. He was glad Mikasa was staying with
Armin and that they were having a good time. This way they wouldn’t be in his
hair while he was staying with Levi.
Eren shed his pajamas and put on an oversized sweater that reached his knees.
He looked down at his legs and shrugged; he never fancied pants.
It was almost one and Eren had nothing to do. He sat on the couch and blowed at
the bangs that fell on his face. Something caught his eye. Eren got up and
walked towards the bookcase. Eren skimmed his fingers over a row of books as he
took in all the different titles. There were a lot he knew and a lot he didn’t;
he picked an unfamiliar one.
It was in French that much he could tell. He started scanning through it.
 
===============================================================================
 
Levi
Levi ran his hand down his face. Work had been a royal pain in the ass. He had
his substitute assign an annalistic essay for his classes to finish during his
leave, but he should’ve known better than to leave something socomplicated to a
rookie. He rolled his eyes and opened the door to his apartment.
What he opened it to was a unique surprise. Eren was standing by the bookcase
in the living room wearing only an oversized sweater. Suddenly, all his
previous stress was forgotten.
He smirked. The boy was reading the Bible in French but obviously hadn’t
figured that out yet.
“Hey, honey I’m home.” Levi called gaining Eren’s attention.
“Ew, you made a joke don’t do that again.” Eren scrunched up his nose, feigning
disgust; Levi loved when he did that. He walked over and wrapped his arms
gently around Eren’s waist and rested his chin on his shoulder.
“What are you doing?”
“Mm, trying to decipher these…hieroglyphics.” Eren frowned down at the book in
his hands.
Levi snorted. “You mean French.”
Eren hummed. “I took it in like fourth grade,” he clicked his tongue, “can’t
remember a thing.”
Levi decided to wait a while before telling Eren, but he was beat to it when
realization dawned on the boy. “I’m reading the freaking Bible aren’t I?”
Levi exhaled. “That you are.”
“I didn’t know you were religious.”
“Not anymore. I was when I was younger. ‘If in this life we have only hope in
Christ, we are most miserable of all people’. Religion does nothing for me
anymore, but I do like reading different holy texts once in a while.” Eren put
the book back in its place as Levi spoke and turned around in Levi’s embrace
once he was done.
“That reminds me. I brought all of the things you missed. Erwin let it slip
since your circumstances were more than unusual, but I brought them over in
case you wanted to look them over anyway.” Levi’s heart warmed at Eren’s smile.
“Thanks, you didn’t have to.”
“Yes, I did. I don’t want you to get dumber.” Levi grinned as Eren stomped on
his foot.
Eren disappeared into the bedroom and Levi followed suit.
“Why aren’t you wearing pants, Eren?”
Eren moaned dramatically and flopped on the bed making the hem of his sweater
rise further up his thighs. “They’re so restrictive and annoying. Plus it kind
of hurts to bend over and pull them up,” Eren rubbed his healing ribs, and Levi
frowned at this. Eren lifted his head and bent his knee seductively.
“Why? Does it bother you?”
Levi raised an eyebrow; the balls on this kid. “Not in the slightest.”
Eren smiled smugly and lied back down. He seemed to be lost in thought after
that.
“Levi there’s something I want to tell you. It’s about my parents.” Eren casted
his eyes down; Levi could tell whatever he wanted to discuss was going to be
difficult and would involve Kleenex.
Levi mulled over this before speaking. “I’m all ears, Bright Eyes.”
 
===============================================================================
 
 
Annie
Annie twirled the wad of cash in her hand that Hitch had handed over, looking
at it with disgust. She could hear the rhythmic tapping of the heels of Hitch’s
secretary clicking and clacking on the porcelain floor as she made her way
over.
“Ms. Dreyse, the men you hired are here to see you now.”
Hitch waved her hand. “Send them in.”  She turned to smile the fakest smile
Annie had ever witnessed.
“Lose the frown darling it’s bad for business,” she ran her thin fingers over
the glass of her desk. “I guess you always have been the brooding type.”
Two unrecognizable men walked in fitted suits, iron stoic expressions on. “Ms.
Dreyse.” The secretary bowed her head slightly and left.
“Hello boys, did you do as I asked?” Hitch smiled bitterly at them; one
flinched. They obviously were accustomed to Hitch’s act and the monster that
hid beneath it.
Annie narrowed her eyes at the three other people in the room. Why hadn’t Hitch
sent her out yet? Annie obviously wasn’t involved with these men and had no
clue what they were hired to do for the witch. Unless, Hitch planned to involve
Annie in this. But why? What could she possibly need Annie for?
One of the men stepped forward, his hands clasped over his front. “Yes, we
found the doctor. He fled to southern Washington State.”
Hitch hummed in acknowledgement. “So far. No, that just won’t do. He really
should be closer to home.”
“What do you want us to do with him?” The other one asked this time.
Annie’s heart pounded in her chest. She had a terrible feeling she knew who
this doctor was.
“Take him down.” Hitch’s voice took on a whole new tone that didn’t settle well
with Annie. The men nodded and turned to leave.
“And boys,” she called, “I want you to find an old friend for me.”
“Who?”
Annie’s eyes darted between the conversers. What was this? What did it have to
do with her—what will it have to do with her?
Hitch stared directly at Annie with cold eyes as she spoke. “Farlan Church.”
Chapter End Notes
     ohh what does Hitch want with Farlan??
     Thank you so much for reading guys :)
     Edit: BTW I just posted a oneshot of Eren and Levi so if you want to
     go check it out..
***** A Step into the Past *****
Chapter Summary
     Prepare yourselves for crying, kisses, confessions, crying, kisses.
     That's it that's the entire chapter. Enjoy!
Chapter Notes
     ayyyy sorry this is late I've been sick for what feels like a
     thousand years (in reality 1 week).
See the end of the chapter for more notes
“I want you to tell me about how your mother died.”
The light in the clean, organized room hurt his eyes. It was probably because
he spent most of his time indoors with little to no sunlight. Well, until Levi
would come back and turn the lights on saying Eren was showing too many vampire
symptoms. He supposed it wasn’t very healthy nor did make Levi worry less, but
something about the dark was…comforting.
His body felt like dead weight, his legs bolted into the ground, an iron rod
coiling around his heart making it thump slower…slower.
His brain on the other hand completely contrasted his body. It was light,
floating as if it wasn’t even existent.
“Eren?”
His eyes bolted up to Moblit’s concerned face. He nodded slowly to his
therapist’s previous question.
Eren opened his mouth, his tongue betraying him as he started to speak. “I was
nine when it happened…”
--
“I was nine when it happened.”
At some point Eren’s hands had started trembling and Levi had scooted closer to
him. Eren didn’t dare look at him in the eyes and he had no intention to do so
for the rest of the conversation. He wasn’t able to; he just wasn’t. He didn’t
want to see Levi’s reaction. He had never told anyone, besides Moblit. Everyone
who knew just knewalready so he had never had to tell anyone.
Of course he had to tell some new people the gist which was vaguely coated and
usually fit into the one sentence of, “My mom is dead.”
He had only had to have gone into detail once and that was with Moblit. That
had been excruciating enough. Re-living the moment was…and the pity—God,he
hated when people pitied him. Especially, when it came from the one person it
shouldn’t come from. Like for fuck’s sake isn’t it in a shrink’s job
description to not pity their patient. Every other person has some sort of
degree of the right to pity but not a therapist nope. Well, he supposed by that
logic then Moblit did have that right because he did know Eren as Eren before
he became his patient.
Eren shook his head in annoyance. He was just putting off telling Levi the
truth. Why wouldn’t he? He knew Levi wasn’t going to think of him the same as
before. Either he would think of Eren as a monster—which he was—and reject him
completely or he was going to do the worst thing possible and pity him. Pity
him and demoralize him. Pity him and call it sympathy, empathy. Pity him and
wonder ‘what have I gotten myself into’?
“Hey, hey-it’s okay. Look at me, Eren.” There were words and then there were
hands on his face. Eren exhaled and leaned into Levi until there was nothing in
the world but him.
Levi held him, anchored him down.
He was okay. I’m okay. I’m with him.
“I was nine when I killed my mother.” There was no response from Levi, not
verbally at least.
“I uhh I went to school with Mikasa and Armin like every other day. I was in
class and there was this kid. Fucking Garret Reade. He wouldn’t leave me alone,
kept throwing things at me and I snapped. Started attacking him. So, they sent
me to the office to wait for someone to pick me up. Dad was always working, as
usual, so my mom came to get me.”
Small circles were being rubbed into his back, reminding him that his love
hadn’t left him… not yet.
“She was pissed—beyond pissed, and she dragged me out of the school by my ear.”
Eren laughed nostalgically. “We were in the car and she was yelling at me about
my seatbelt. I put it on all the while wondering how come she got to yell at me
for not having a seatbelt on while she didn’t have hers on. She should’ve had
hers on…
We were—she was…wasn’t paying attention to the road and when I woke up they
were talking, yelling everywhere. The sirens were so loud and I was so cold.
The windshield was broken and I-I looked at my mom, and she—she was…
Her eyes were opened, wide with this fear. This impossible fear, like she knew
she just knew she wasn’t going to survive this crash. There was blood
everywhere. Down her face, eyes, mouth and she had t-this fucking pole of metal
just in her stomach—lodged in there.” He didn’t speak for a while after that.
Too overcome by his tears and emotions. Levi held him. Never let go.
“I did that to her! I killed her…”
--
“That’s how she died. That’s how I killed her.”
“Why do you believe that, Eren?”
“Why? Why? Because it’s what happened!”
“Is that what happened or is that what you tell yourself happened?”
“What?”
“Yes, your mother did die in a horrible, horrific car accident and
unfortunately you were in the car as well. You survived, you were taken to the
hospital and then you went home.”
“So, tell me Eren how you killed your mother?”
--
Eren felt like his stomach was going lurch out of his body. He clung to the
fabric of Levi’s shirt, his head still buried in his shoulder.
He had been like this for the last ten minutes or so after he had stopped
speaking. He had been waiting; waiting for Levi’s reaction. But it had never
come. Fear tore at Eren’s chest. He knew the only reason that the silence had
grown thick like a fog was because Levi was contemplating his words carefully.
This meant he either, (A) didn’t know how to comfort Eren without offending
him, (B) thought that anything he’d say would only further upset his lover, (C)
was disgusted with Eren and what he had told him, or (D) simply didn’t have
anything to say.
Either way, Eren just preferred he’d get it over with and say whatever he had
to say. The waiting and ever growing anxiety was eating him alive and he wasn’t
sure how much longer he would be able to take it.
With his mind preoccupied by his thoughts, Eren’s sobbing had subsided and his
fingers had slowly uncurled from their purchase on Levi. Apparently, Levi
thought this was a sign of him calming down and he scooted off the bed. Eren’s
heart leaped into his throat.
What if he leaves me again?It would be quite ironic if Levi abandoned Eren in
his own home again, but it wouldn’t be the first time. Eren looked up. Levi was
gone.
Eren pressed the heels of his palms into his face and bent over until he
touched his knees.
The sound of water running vaguely reached his ears before he was scooped up
into someone’s embrace. He wrapped his arms instinctively around Levi’s neck.
Levi set Eren down on the marble counter and walked over to the bath. Eren
watched as he ran his fingers under the rushing water to check the temperature.
Levi walked back to him and started to pull Eren’s clothes off. Warm blood
rushed to Eren’s cheeks. It wasn’t like he’d never been naked in front of Levi
before, but that had been, what felt like, a long time ago and it had ended
very well.
Eren sat naked in silence as he watched Levi undress. Levi tugged at his wrist
and Eren sluggishly hopped off the counter and waded into the water.
He immediately rested on the edge and let the warmth seep into his body. He
closed his eyes and let himself get lost in the sensation. He hadn’t even
realized Levi had gotten into the bath as well until he felt the familiar arms
wrap around his waist. Eren leaned against Levi’s chest and let himself be
caressed by his sweet touches.
“Your mother’s death was not your fault and I know that’s the last thing you
want to hear. I know that. I understand. But trust me the actual last thing you
should hear is that you’re right; something tells me that you’ve already been
told that.” Levi paused and ran his fingers down Eren’s arm.
“But they were wrong. You are wrong. I was wrong too. For a long, long time I
told myself the same thing. That Anna’s death was my fault—that Isabel’s death
is my fault…
I told you I lived in an orphanage. I did, but not for my whole childhood. I
was in France with Anna until I was six or seven then I was taken to America by
a man named Kenny Ackerman.”
Eren perked up at the familiar name and turned around to give Levi a peculiar
look. Levi pushed Eren’s hair back and gave him a peck on the cheek.
“I lived with him until I was thirteen. That’s when Louie, Anna’s brother found
me. He took me back to France because my only motherly figure was dying from
cancer. I met a funny pair of kids while I was there. They were helping Anna as
she was sick; orphans too. You remind me a lot of the boy. Anyway, Anna passed
away and I stayed for her funeral. I never went back to Kenny’s house again
after that. Louie made me a promise that he would bring my rapist to justice.
He did eventually and I never saw that man again. I went back into the foster
system and Louie promised again to make sure I never went to a bad home again.
He kept his promise but that never stopped me from making my own Hell. I didn’t
stay in the orphanage most of the time; they didn’t really care anyways. I
started wandering into the bad parts of town—got into drugs, gangs. When I was
sixteen I was taken in by a family. The parents were very kind and never tried
to pry into my past. Their daughter, my little sister, Isabel was determined to
make an impact on me.
I loved her so much; such a bundle of joy and anger. Just like you,” Levi
jabbed lightly at Eren’s ribs stirring a small chuckle from him.
“Pretty green eyes too… I went to college. Met a girl and fell in love or as
close to love as I could with her. It wasn’t because she was a woman I have no
issues with gender or anything. I fancy myself bisexual and demiromantic,” Levi
chuckled. “I think that’s the most I’ve ever thought about my sexuality but I
thought you deserved to know.
I met Hanji and Moblit and Erwin in high school and funny enough we all went to
the same college. We were all one big happy family,” his words dripped with
sarcasm.
“Until I made a new…friend. She was a dealer—my dealer—but she was a good
friend. She was part of this thing, something bigger than both of us. After
college ended I stopped buying, and they weren’t too happy about that. My
friend tried to lure them off my trail for a bit, but they found me eventually.
Isabel and Farlan—he was our best-friend; totally in love with my sister—they
came over for a… celebration. I was showering, I think Farlan left to the store
or something; he wasn’t there when it happened.”
Levi’s grip tightened on Eren and Eren could feel tears well in his eyes.
“Some idiots came for money I didn’t have…there was an argument and they shot
Isabel as payment.”
Eren held his breath until Levi finished.
“I held her in my arms as she died…then I went to jail for five years for drug
possession. When I got out the only ones waiting for me were Hanji and Erwin.
That blonde bastard got me a job and lent me this apartment until I got back on
my feet.”
When Eren realized that was the end of Levi’s life-story he turned around to
face him in the water. Eren was crying profusely. Nobody, nobodyshould have to
go through that let alone someone as wonderful as Levi. He leaned forward and
held Levi’s head in his hands.
Levi looked pained as if he was reliving the memories and it made Eren’s heart
drop. He had wanted Levi to open up to him all this time and know that he did
he suddenly wasn’t sure how to deal with it all.
He sniffled and thumbed Levi’s cheek. “I’m so sorry Levi, I’m so, so s-sorry.”
Levi closed his eyes and smiled. “You have nothing to apologize for.”
“No, I do, I do.” He pushed at Levi’s hair frantically.
Levi looked at him expectantly. “When I said earlier that you had to have been
better because you went through so much pain…I-I had no clue—I didn’t know, and
I’m sorry. You’re not better because of what you went through, that’s not fair
because you didn’t deserve it. That amount of pain and grief shouldn’t ever
have to be felt, and fuck oh my god.”
Eren leaned against Levi’s forehead. “You’re amazing solely because you are
you, and I love that. I love you.”
Levi pulled back and stared at Eren in wonder. There were small trickles of
tears leaking out of Levi’s eyes. Eren’s breath hitched; he hadn’t wanted to
make him cry.
Levi cracked a huge smile one never witnessed before, and Eren swore he saw
sunshine seep out. Levi grabbed Eren and pulled him into a deep, passionate
kiss. Eren threaded his hands in Levi’s hair, feeling the buzz of his undercut
and the silk strands fall in between his fingers. Levi pushed Eren onto the
edge of the tub, until Eren was completely cloaked by the water and the love he
felt.
--
Eren stared up at the darkened ceiling. He lay in the sea of covers alone as
Levi made his night tea. He knew Levi wouldn’t come to bed for a while, not
until he finished working. Even then he wouldn’t sleep much; just hold Eren in
his arms as the night rolled past. Eren knew this. He wished the raven would be
able to sleep more, but he was glad he stayed with Eren. He needed someone
there.
It seemed like he was most unsafe when he was asleep; when he was alone with
his mind and the horrors that trudged inside. Some nights he would wake up
screaming and clawing at empty air, only to be in Levi’s arms and without
recollection of the dream.
He wondered what he dreamed about, and why it would send him into such frenzy.
He wondered if Levi had similar dreams; surely his life had given him enough
nightmare material. Maybe that’s why he was an insomniac; perhaps it was his
brains defense mechanism.
Eren sighed. Everything that Levi had told him was painful to digest; painful
to acknowledge that itwas real and it had very much happened. He couldn’t
imagine how difficult it must have and is for Levi. He almost felt guilty for
burdening the man with his trivial issues. He knew though if he ever voiced
this thought that Levi would angrily reject it. He cared for Eren even though
he hadn’t verbalized it like Eren had, but that was okay. Levi showed his
affection through his actions. Eren knew that now.
Eren wrapped a towel around his waist and leaned against the counter,
watching—more like admiring—Levi. Levi noticed his stare soon enough and
returned a genuine smile. He walked over and kissed Eren lazily and then
continued to leave chaste kisses on his face and neck.
“Eren?”
“Mm?”
“Do you think it’s my fault that Isabel and Anna died?”
Eren’s eyes widened. “No, of course not!”
Levi nodded. “Do you blame me for being raped?”
Eren muttered a ‘no’ and hugged Levi closer. “Why are you asking me this?”
“No reason.” He nestled his head in the crook of Eren’s neck. “One more
question.”
“Go ahead.”
“Why do you blame yourself for your mother’s death and your dad’s abuse?”
Eren stared at him dumbfounded. He never gave Levi an answer, but he assumed
Levi would’ve guessed he wouldn’t have answered.
Levi knew about Eren’s father, yet Eren had never told him.
--
Eren twirled his spoon in his bowl of cereal. “I think I’m going out today.”
Levi looked up at him. “Why?”
“What do you mean why?” Eren narrowed is eyes at him. “Aren’t you the one who’s
always trying to get me to go out?”
Levi sipped at his coffee tentatively. “Yes, but that’s with me.”
Eren rolled his eyes playfully. “I’ll be fine.”
Levi stared at him clearly doubtful.
“Please?” Eren pouted and when Levi didn’t respond he got up and walked to
other end of the table. Eren straddled Levi in his chair and took his coffee
away, quickly sipping it before putting it down. He looked at Levi’s
exasperated face and smiled, bending to nip at his clean, shaved jaw.
He licked at Levi’s lower lip and kissed him sweetly and quickly.
“Please, baby, let me go.” Eren leaned back to look at Levi’s amused face.
“Did you just call me baby?”
“Yeah, so what? Does it turn you on?” Eren wiggled his eyebrows playfully and
grinded down on Levi experimentally. The movement sent a shock through his
body; he could feel everything—considering he was only wearing a loose shirt
and boxers.
Levi stilled Eren’s hips and gave out an annoyed sigh. “You’re an insufferable
brat, you know that?”
Eren grinned widely. “Does this mean I can go?”
Levi gave him a knowing look and Eren let out a ‘hooray’. He pecked Levi on the
cheek before getting up to rush to the bedroom. Eren was yanked down by his
wrist before he could even take a step away from the table. He plopped down
back in Levi’s lap.
“Where do you think you’re going? You haven’t even said goodbye,” Levi hummed
leaned closer to Eren. “I might have to discipline you, eh?”
Eren giggled and captured Levi’s lips and hooked his arms around his neck.
“Have a nice day, baby.”
Levi scoffed at the name and kissed Eren one more time before lifting him off
him so he could get up.
“I love you.” Eren blurted. He hadn’t meant to but ever since he had first said
it he couldn’t stop thinking it.
Levi stared at him, his face blank momentarily before he smiled and kissed
Eren. Eren let out a sigh of relief. He supposed he should feel disappointed
that Levi hadn’t said ‘I love you’ back, but he didn’t. He knew it must be hard
for Levi to let people in let alone say things that would make him so
vulnerable. Eventually, it would happen and until then Eren wasn’t going to let
Levi forget that he meant it every time he said it.
“Text me when you’re leaving and—
“—when I come back. Yeah, yeah, I’ll be fine I promise, and I’ll call you if
anything happens.”
They shared one more kiss before Levi left and Eren rushed off to shower.
--
Eren settled down in his seat at the coffee shop. He had been wandering around
aimlessly for the last half hour. It was relieving and nice to be out, but he
had to admit he was rather bored and lonely. He stared down at his phone at the
text message he had opened up 20 minutes ago.
Levi:
>Okay. Please don’t get lost or kidnapped or in a fight.
>I miss you too.
He smiled down at the device in his hand.
“Eren!”
He nearly dropped his phone in his coffee in the process of being tackled by
his friend.
“Hi, Hanji.”
“Who you texting?” She placed her index finger on her lips. “Let me guess. Is
it the love of your life!!?”
Eren’s eyes widened, his face in flames. He was spluttering an answer back when
he heard a small laugh that certainly hadn’t come from Hanji.
“Oh! Eren this is my friend.” He looked next to Hanji to see a petite honey
blonde woman.
She extended her hand and Eren took it. “Hi, I’m Petra. I’ve heard a lot about
you.”
Eren’s smile faltered.
Chapter End Notes
     Eren you little shit with your manipulative seductiveness. I really
     love protective Levi too if you haven't noticed.
     mmkay the next chapter will be plot-filled and hopefully out sooner
     than this one was and chapter 20 is all about the Network sooo yeah.
     My tumblr is hellajaeger if you have any questions or want to send me
     prompts :)
***** What Goes Around Comes Back Around to Bite You in the Ass *****
Chapter Summary
     Warning: Gore
Chapter Notes
     AP Spanish is digging my grave; you're all formally invited to the
     funeral.
     Hi, lovelies. There's probably tons of mistakes because I didn't beta
     it soooooo bear with me.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
When Eren got home Levi had been patiently awaiting. He was sitting on the
living room couch, hunched over his laptop which was next to a stack of papers;
Eren hadn’t seen them before and Levi wasn’t fumbling through them which meant
they were for Eren. He cringed thinking of the workload, but he knew that this
way he wasn’t forced to go to the college.
He wasn’t ready, not yet. Being around so many people and thinking about seeing
his friends and how they would react…it was just all too much for him. It had
been hard enough for him to gather up the courage this morning and leave the
apartment; he couldn’t imagine having to face familiar faces for hours on end.
He had wanted to leave that much was for sure, but after running into Petra and
Hanji, Eren had felt overworked, exhausted.
The two girls had left Eren in peace after Hanji had given him a knowing look
and had noticed his discomfort. He supposed it wasn’t too unclear how his
manner had shifted after he had realized who Petra was. He hadn’t wanted to
react that way, but he couldn’t help it. After everything Levi had told him the
other day it was just hard for him to think of Petra as anything more than the
girl who left his love when he needed her most.
He supposed she had her reasoning and a second side to the story, but he
couldn’t bring himself to care. It wasn’t that he hated her—no far from it. He
was glad she had been a part of Levi’s life and he wasn’t jealous. He just
didn’t understand why she would want to leave someone like him.
Perhaps, he would never know.
At least Hanji had been genuinely happy to see him. She had texted him a few
times since the hospital mostly to check up on him.  He wondered if Moblit ever
keyed her in on his progress. He knew she wouldn’t pry no matter how much she
wanted to. She knew when to step back and that’s what made her such a good
friend.
He wanted to see his friends and by their constant messages and gifts they also
wanted to see him. He knew better though. He knew he wasn’t ready for that big
of a step. Maybe one or two people at a time; Eren didn’t think he could handle
more than that. Armin and Mikasa visited him all the time when they could and
he enjoyed it, but he had always had those two around; he guessed that not even
amnesia could change that.
It certainly couldn’t erase the man that looked at him quizzically now. He went
to the kitchen and grabbed an apple before he practically threw himself on top
of Levi.
Levi groaned. “Get off me.”
“Oh no, gravity is increasing on me.” A joyous laughter filled the air as Eren
squished Levi with his body. Levi grunted before he peeled Eren off of him and
fixed him with a glare.
Eren leaned into the couch and took a bite out of his apple, letting the juices
seep into his mouth.
“You need to eat more than that, kid.”
Eren stuck his tongue out at his boyfriend and waited for Levi to start asking
him questions.
It didn’t take long. “How was your day?”
“It was great. How was yours, honey?” Eren plastered a fake smile on his face.
Levi narrowed his eyes at Eren. Well, if you’re going to go about it that way
then you should’ve expected me to answer the same way.
“So nothing happened?” Levi took his glasses off and set them aside. Eren
frowned; he liked those glasses.
“No, nothing happened. I just walked around and drank some coffee.” Eren
drawled his words out. “Well, I did see Hanji today.”
Levi raised his brows. “Yeah, she nearly gave me a stroke when she attacked
me,” he smiled done at his apple, “and I met someone else.” His words lost
their volume and he wondered why he thought he could do this. How would Levi
react to the news? Did he even know Petra was here?
“Really?” Levi held a guarded tone when he saw the look on Eren’s face.
“She was with Petra.”
Levi was silent for a long time and Eren was a tidbit scared to look up from
his half-chewed apple.
“Are you mad at me?” Eren’s voice had gotten uncharacteristically soft. A shock
of astonishment rippled through him when Levi let out a dark chuckle.
“Why would I be mad at you?”
Eren shrugged simply because he didn’t know what else to do. Levi got up and
Eren watched as he went to grab their coats.
“Come on; let’s find a place for you to eat. Can't have you starving on me.”
Levi held Eren’s coat in his outstretched hand. Eren beamed and practically
leapt off the couch. How silly of him to ever doubt Levi’s sincerity.
--
Eren’s body shook with the winds careless blows. He wasn’t exactly sure why he
had thought it a good idea to leave the warm confinements of the apartment. But
he had someone he needed to see; someone he hadn’t spoken to in far too long.
The look that settled upon the blonde bartenders face was priceless and Eren
could still feel the remains of his anger boil.
He walked up to the bar and avoided eye contact with Annie.
“What are you doing here?” Her voice was hushed and filled with irritation as
if she was worried someone would overhear them.
“I want to talk to Hannes.” He held his gaze with Annie determined to not let
it go no matter how much he wanted to; he needed her to know that he didn’t
need her and that he was fine without her. He wanted her to regret ever turning
her back on him.
Annie’s gaze shifted slightly to the entryway as if she was keeping an eye on
something or someone. When her indigo orbs returned to him she gave him a curt
nod and disappeared into the back to find her boss.
Eren clenched his teeth. She acted like she hadn’t seen the healing, ghastly
scar that his hair partially covered. He had spent so much time solely around
Levi he had almost forgotten about his hideous and obvious injuries and the
unknown reason behind them. But not even Levi could grant him such peace.
Eren wasn’t sure if it would have angered him more if Annie had actually
acknowledged his wounds; he just wanted something—anything from her.
He guessed not everyone was capable of caring.
“Eren, my boy!” His eyes flicked up to the familiar voice, spreading a warmth
through him that momentarily replaced the cold Annie had bestowed upon him.
Hannes leaned against the bar and motioned for Eren to follow him. They settled
into a booth far from any commotion.
Eren looked at Hannes; he seemed different. It had to be the hair, which was
shorter. He smiled internally thinking Hannes had time to cut his hair but not
to shave.
“Where have you been?”
Eren tapped his fingers on the cool surface of a glass cup. “That’s what I
wanted to talk to you about.”
Hannes looked at him, confusion stretched on his features.
“You know you’ve always been like a father to me, more so than my own.” Hannes
smiled and Eren couldn’t help but return it. “I’m really sorry I haven’t come
to see you in so long; there’s just been so much crap going on…”
Eren took a breath. He wasn’t really sure where he was going with this or why
he came here in the first place. Hannes picked up on Eren’s distress and
cleared his throat to speak.
“If I may ask, where did you got that?” Hannes nodded to Eren and Eren reached
up to pat his head.
“Your guess is as good as mine,” Eren smiled tightly; “I woke up in the
hospital a few weeks ago. I was in really bad shape; two bruised ribs, one
fractured. Couple cuts on my arm,” he raised it and pulled his sleeve down to
show Hannes, “some stitches, and this bad boy,” Eren tapped the scab on his
temple.
“I woke up confused as Hell with no memories of the event or as how my
psychiatrist likes to refer to as ‘Dissociative Amnesia’,” Hannes fixed him a
confused stare. “Trauma induced amnesia,” Eren explained.
“I was attacked in my home so I was removed from it; I live with my boyfriend
now.” Eren watched for any reaction to that piece of information, but Hannes
didn’t seem to think much of it, so he continued.
“Really I just came here to ask you if you saw anyone sketchy around my house
recently.” He looked at Hannes optimistically.
Hannes shook his head. “Sorry, Eren.”
Eren’s head dropped slightly. He hadn’t really expected a different answer, but
hope was a dangerous emotion to toy with.
“Where has your dad been during all of this?”
Eren’s head shot up; he hadn’t been expecting that. In all honesty, he had
forgotten about him.
Eren let out a nervous chuckle. “I don’t really know. He said he left the night
before on a business trip and he hasn’t contacted since.”
Hanes nodded thoughtfully and Eren knew what he was thinking but it wasn’t
possible. His father couldn’t have done this to him. It just wasn’t in his
nature.
Eren smiled. “Thanks, anyway.” He got up and gave Hannes a short hug.  As they
said their goodbyes Eren noticed Annie rushing past him. Eren turned around to
stare at her as she walked out of the bar.
There was someone there someone Eren didn’t recognize. It was another woman;
tall, tan, and she had her hair pulled back in a ponytail. They seemed to be
arguing about something. It stuck Eren as odd; Annie rarely wasted time on
fighting.
They stopped talking and the caramel girl pulled her phone out. She answered it
then handed it to Annie. Whoever had called them only further angered the
blonde. Annie handed the found back to her friend and they started walking away
from the bar.
Since when had Annie left her job without telling Hannes?
Eren found himself on the sidewalk in front of Hannes MP bar. He looked down
the road where Annie usually walked to get to her home, but he saw no one. They
hadn’t left to soon before he had followed them. He looked the other way. Sure
enough, about 50 feet ahead of him were the two girls.
Eren had no clue what possessed him to start following them, but there he was
speed-walking in attempt to catch up to them.  
In any normal circumstances Eren would probably shake it off and forget it but
this was Annie. This was his friend—more than a friend; family. And no amount
of anger and dispute would ever change this.
Eren kept his distance occasionally stopping somewhere so he wouldn’t be
spotted. They turned into a street Eren had never seen before; one he must of
passed a thousand times on his way to and from the bar, but had never been
curious enough to walk down. The street resembled the other ones in physicality
but there was something off. There weren’t any cars parked on the sides which
is unbelievably rare for New York; the strip of buildings was free of people as
well—asides from the girls and Eren.
Eren picked up his pace. The apartments her looked vacated but when he passed
one there was a flash of a child’s face before the curtain was drawn. Eren
frowned.
The neighborhood branched out into many other similar ones. That was until his
guides made a right and disappeared into a roadway. Eren crossed it careful for
cars and took in the unfamiliar environment.
This section of town seemed oddly familiar as if it was etched into a memory
stored in the back of his brain. He watched across the street as the two girl
slipped into an enormous skyscraper almost entirely made of glass.
He knew this building; he had seen it millions of times from afar. He squinted
to read the words above the doorway: Trost Industry.
Huh. I’ve never heard of that one.
Why would Annie be going to a place like this? Hell, how was she allowed into
this place?
Eren walked to the front of it hesitantly. There were doormen posted outside of
the reflective entryway, but it appeared that Eren was unnoticed by them.
He eyed them nervously before he slipped into the enigmatic building.
--
“Ms. Dreyse.”
Her eyes rose steadily from her laptop and settled upon her secretary, sending
a chill to run down the poor girl’s spine.
The blonde’s lips upturned slightly. “You come to bear good news I hope?”
The brunette blinked slowly before she looked down at the tablet in her hands.
 “The Santino twins have reached their destination. They’ll be keeping us
updated on all progress.”
A pen was twiddled between nimble fingers. “Oh, darling did you ever have those
boys contact my friend?”
The brunette’s head bobbed. “I will send you the contact information now.”
Fingers typed rapidly before a melodic tune filled the empty air.
Steel eyes peered at the profile before her, and then flicked up to her
secretary. She waved a dismissal and clicked the call button. It rang twice;
she grinned knowing her call had been much awaited.
“Hello?”
“Farlan Church, how have you been?”
“ Uhh okay I guess. Who are you exactly?”
“Enough with the shenanigans; you know exactly who I am and what I have offered
you. Now all I need to know is your answer.”
There was a pregnant pause full of static silence.
“Yes.”
A sweet smile dripped with venom grew.
“I am overjoyed to welcome you to the Network, Farlan.”
--
There was an eerie creaking that rose from the old wood of the front porch step
of a small house in the outskirts of Atlanta, Georgia. The Santino twins gave
each other a clarifying glance before the older one delivered a steady rasp to
the door. The sound of hurried shifting and footsteps grew closer. The door
opened slowly.
There was man; middle-aged with long brown hair and small beady eyes framed
behind thin glasses. He fit the profile perfectly and the twins shared a
knowing grin, glad that they wouldn’t disappoint their boss.
The older one stepped forward, flashing a practiced smile. “Hi, I’m Josh and
this is my brother Thierry.” Josh motioned to his brother and the identical
boys smiled kindly to the man in front of them.
“Correct me if I’m wrong but you are Grisha Jaeger?” Thierry questioned, eyes
observing diligently.
The man narrowed his eyes. “What’s it to you?”
Thierry ignored his question and continued with identifying him. “You are the
father of Eren Jaeger and Mikasa Ackerman, correct? Widower of Carla Jaeger and
professor at Trost Medical Research Center?”
Grisha nodded hesitantly knowing there was no point in lying.
Josh beamed. “Good then we didn’t get the wrong person.”
“Is there something I can do for you?” Grisha asked warily, hand clutching the
door to his home ready to be slammed in the brothers’ faces.
“No, but there is much we can do for you.” Josh replied.
“Well, much we will do to you.” Thierry chimed in.
The Santino twins took a daunting step forward.
--
When Eren let go of the glass door he felt like he had leaped into a different
dimension with no access out. A wave of despair crashed down on Eren leaving
him feeling unease.
The foyer was as pristine and fragile-looking as the outside. Everything was
annoyingly either white or glass and it made Eren feel like a child running
about in a shop full of brittle objects. There was no one in sight, certainly
not the women that led him here, aside from a man typing busily behind a desk.
The man barely regarded Eren like the doormen had until he was standing in
front of him.
The man sighed as if Eren was the very bane of his existence. He looked up at
Eren impassively.
“May I help you?”
Eren shifted on his feet; he had no idea what to say. Oh, hi I just stalked my
friend—who actually hates my guts for no reason—and this other chick, here–a
place I had no idea existed. Ya think you can let me through so I can continue
stalking them?
Something in the man’s eyes changed and he suddenly recognized Eren.
He plastered an obviously fake smile on and grabbed a phone. Eren watched him
curiously as he typed a number in the keypad.
“Ms. Dreyse? Yes, he’s here. No, our Recruiter’s little friend,” the man
paused, “He’ll be on his way.”
He disconnected the phone and resumed his typing completely ignoring Eren yet
again.
Eren was at an impasse. He could leave which would be the most intelligent and
probably safest option, but then again he would leave with curiosity gnawing
away at his sanity. The people here knew him which already raised enough red
flags as it was. ButAnnie came here, voluntarily and safe—pissed albeit, but
safe nevertheless. If Annie thought it harmless to come here, obviously
frequently, then Eren should be fine. Well, he hoped.
Then again he was the infamous suicidal bastard. Fucking Jean. Eren cleared his
thoughts of friends and focused on the objective he had in mind.
The secretary’s eyes flicked back to Eren as expressionless as before.  Eren
started to wonder if he had a major case bi-polar disorder. Who the hell is so
chipper one moment and then practically a doppelganger of Levi? Heh, maybe he’s
Levi’s cousin.
The man gave him a look that said ‘why are you still here?’ and Eren hurried to
walk past him. He walked up a flight of large stairs. He looked around the new
environment wondering what the hell he had gotten himself into.
There was the tapping of heels on tile and then there was a woman in front of
him with pinned back brown hair and a tablet in hand.
“Eren Jaeger? Come with me.”
Eren swallowed the knot in his throat and nodded. The woman led him down a
series of halls before she stopped in a waiting room. She turned around her
face blank of all emotion. Eren started to wonder if everyone in this place
were actually robots. “I will let her know you’re here,” and then she
disappeared behind closed doors.
Eren stood awkwardly before he sat in a chair and waited. Who was the woman
everyone spoke of? It’s not Annie…I think. Why would Annie be waiting for me?
Nothing made sense and he didn’t even know why he was here.
Eren tapped his leg nervously and was about to leave thinking this entire
situation was way too idiotic and he’d much rather be home reading Levi’s
books, when the door was pushed open.
The woman was back this time smiling.
“She’ll see you now.”
--
The twins pushed past Grisha easily and walked into his home. They looked
around the place, hands placed behind their backs before they turned to face
their target.
Grisha stood by the still opened door his bottom jaw practically hitting the
floor. He was obviously confused which only irritated the boys; they didn’t
like dumb targets. It took all the fun out of it; made it too…easy.
“How do you two dare come barging into my home—
Josh cut off  the red-faced, fuming man with a pointed finger. He snorted.
“Your home? Last time I checked your home is in Westchester, New York with your
two loving children.”
“No, no brother, remember he was run out of town by the police. He couldn’t
possibly go back home.” Thierry interjected.
A look of Eureka crossed Josh’s face. “Ah, that’s right.”
Josh picked up a book from a shelf and thumbed through it. “Yes, you’ve been a
very bad man and you see we don’t like bad people. Do we brother?”
Thierry frowned. “Of course not and neither does Hitch.”
A look of horror replaced the confusion on Grisha’s face.
“It seems you’ve already been acquainted with our lovely boss.” Thierry
grinned. This was just starting to get good and the fun hadn’t even started
yet.
“Then you know why we’re here don’t you?” Thierry continued as Josh put his
book down. “Time for a little history.”
The twins simultaneously pulled out their favorite daggers from the belts of
their pants. Twiddling in their fingers, fear glinted off the silver.   
Grisha backed into the corner and made a mad dash up the stairs. Thierry rolled
his eyes, “What a bore.”
“So predictable,” Josh finished. The two brothers ascended the stairs hunting
down their prey.
--
Eren got up, stumbling of course, and followed the lady into the room. Half the
walls in the room were window that looked out over the city; a beautiful view
really. Realization set in. Eren shouldn’t be here not just because it was
creepy and clearly not safe no matter how much he was trying to convince
himself of this. Eren—the type of person he was, relatively mediocre in every
aspect and from not exactly a wealthy background shouldn’t belong inside this
place, corporation, industry, whatever. It made him incredibly uncomfortable.
Then Eren realized the commotion around him.
“What is he doing here!?”
“Darling you knew he would join us eventually.”
“No he wasn’t supposed to. You said you wouldn’t. You promised.”
Eren looked at the woman Annie was arguing with. She was pretty with bouncy,
curly blonde hair and a petite frame but her eyes held not a single shred of
kindness. It made Eren’s skin crawl.
“Annie you should know by now that promises are only good for one thing and
that’s for them to be broken,” she smiled wickedly and turned to Eren. “Come
here; let me get a good look at you.” She motioned for Eren to come closer.
Eren shuffled past Annie, ignoring her frantic behavior. The woman leaned in
her chair to peer at Eren in a way that made him feel naked under her gaze.
“Hitch how do you expect him to join us if you scare him away first? Look at
him he’s practically shit himself or pissed himself. Or both. A two in one
combo.” Eren turned to the sarcastic voice to see it was the same girl Annie
had been talking to outside the bar. She was lithe, tall, dark and freckled;
and apparently liked bathroom jokes. She and Levi would get along.
The woman—Hitch waved the girl’s comment off. “Nonsense. I’ve gone through Hell
and back to get him here.” She got out of her chair and walked over to Eren.
She grabbed Eren’s face. “Hi sweetie. I am Hitch Dreyse and I have been dying
to meet you, but our friend,” she turned to Annie, “has been hesitant.”
“Eren, don’t listen to her. You can’t be here—why are you even here?!” Annie
was fuming with rage.
“He was going to find himself here eventually. Call it fate.” Hitch placed her
hand on Eren’s shoulder.
Eren went stiff under her touch. He stared at Annie and wondered what exactly
this place was and why Annie had tried so hard to shield him from it.
Her eyes begged him for something—of something and he wanted to complete their
demand but he felt himself drawn to Hitch’s words instead.
She smiled angelically at him, her eyes gleaming maliciously. “I have a
proposition for you.”
--
A scream tore through the air as silver sank into flesh, spilling a beautiful
bright red.
Thierry rolled his eyes as he shifted his weight on the man’s body pressing
into the newly formed wound in his shoulder. “You’re so rude honestly. We were
right in the middle of telling you our story.”
Another throat tearing scream was heard and with it came a severed thumb. Josh
did the same to other all the while humming to his favorite tune.
“I guess I’ll tell it now. You see we’ve always been what you would call
troublesome kids. Never had good grades or anything but I guess you could blame
our parents considering we didn’t have any. Then one day I was in my Aunt’s
backyard and you could imagine the look on my face when I caught my brother
skinning a cat alive. It was marvelous really. The thing was yowling and
hissing; it was a miracle no one else heard it.” Thierry sat down next to
Grisha’s head and waved the knife around.
“But we grew bored when there were no more pets around so we moved on to bigger
and better things. Our Aunt, poor woman always felt responsible for us, she got
on our case constantly—
—Eat your vegetables! Go to school! Stop stealing the razor blades!” Josh
chimed in, a nostalgic smile playing at his lips.
Thierry laughed and continued with his story. “Yes you see she was a dreadful
woman and we loved her very much so we did want any good nephews would and we
put her out of her misery.”
“She was always watching us. So nosy,” Thierry traced the blade under Grisha’s
fear-ridden eye. “So naturally we went for her eyes first.” There was a rapid
movement and a flash of metal before the knife was plunged into his right eye.
Grisha screamed and struggled and blood seeped out of his eye and tears out the
other. The eyeball twitched with the blade sunk in it causing a rather
grotesque scene that the twins took much pride in.
He started to sob; how pathetic. Josh pinned him down tighter.
“Obviously, we were in a mess one too difficult for fourteen year-olds to clean
up, but we had a very loving friend who cleared it up for us and took us under
her wind.”
Grisha let out a choked breath. “W-Why are you d-doing this?”
Josh frowned.
“Hitch doesn’t like how you’ve been treating Eren and Eren is very important to
us, so you could see why you have become quite problematic to us.” Thierry
wiped the blood of his knife on the fabric of Grisha’s shirt.
Josh sighed and locked eyes with his target. “We love Hitch very much and we’d
do anything for her.”
“Even if it means killing for her,” the Santino twins recited.
Grisha Jaeger was not sparred time for last words before his throat was slit
and his sins spilled out in a rivulet of blood.
Chapter End Notes
     Ho Ho Ho. I know what can I say Karma's a bitch. Did anyone notice
     how the Network's alias is Trost Industry and Grisha worked at Trost
     Medical Research Center? Hmm something to think about. Ah the fresh
     smell of a new arc c:
***** the Network *****
Chapter Summary
     How Hitch became a part of the Network
Chapter Notes
     I'm so sorry I've been gone for a while-like a month *laughs
     nervously* I honestly have no excuse besides writer's block *shakes
     fist like an angry old man* to make up for it I FINALLY wrote the
     chapter for the Network and I did a lil' something something extra
     (literally just smut) for you guys, god knows you deserve it! You'll
     have to go read it on my page because my links are being buttholes
     and won't work recently. Thanks so much for waiting and reading this!
     Enjoy~
See the end of the chapter for more notes
 
A stack of papers was slammed onto the table in front of her, causing the young
girl to flinch. Mrs. Lox paced behind her desk before she leaned over it, her
long lanky arms spread across the surface. She loomed over the blonde girl.
“Why?”
Hitch simply shrugged in response. It was obviously not the answer her social
worker had been looking for. Mrs. Lox exhaled deeply and fell back into her
unnecessarily large office chair. She dragged the yellow file closer to herself
and opened it, staring down at it as if it was the bane of her existence. 
“A runaway with, three charges of vandalism, four suspensions, one expulsion,”
Mrs. Lox read from the file in a condescending voice.  “Charged with assault
against an 11 year-old boy and false accusation of child abuse against your
last foster father. All done by a ten year-old little girl.” Mrs. Lox looked up
from the folder and slid it across the table after turning it upside down so
Hitch could read.
She pointed at a number next to the words: previous foster homes.
“What does that say?”
Hitch narrowed her eyes in contempt and spat out the number, “14.”
“Fourteen. Fourteen different homes in less than ten years. That’s a record
there, kid.” Mrs. Lox shook her head in disbelief.
“So?” Hitch asked mockingly.
Her social worker pointed her finger at her. “You see that! That’s exactly why
nobody wants to foster you let alone adopt you.” She said the word ‘adopt’ like
it was the funniest damn thing she’d ever heard.
“Who said I wanted to be adopted?” Hitch scowled and crossed her arms.
Mrs. Lox gave her an odd look. “Don’t you want a family?”
“I’ve never needed one.”
--
Hitch coughed into her hand, depositing a grotesque mixture of mucus and blood.
She leaned her body against the cold stone of an alleyway and waited.
It took 15 minutes before she decided to call him. He picked up on the third
ring.
“You need to stop calling me,” the hiss came from the other side of the line.
“I thought we were going to meet, like usual.”
“I told you I’m done with this and I’m done with you. So stop calling me.”
“Please, Donny, you don’t mean that.” She whined.
“Hitch, it’s over. We are over, and I’m done dealing to you too.”
“Baby, come on, don’t do this to me.”
“Get yourself together you’re ruining your life; you’re ruining my life,” there
was a pause, “I don’t want to see you again and I don’t want you to call this
number anymore Hitch.”
Anger rose through her system. “Fuck you, Donny! I loved you! Fuck you, fuck
you, fuck you! Go die you piece of shit!”
There was an angry growl. “Goodbye, Hitch.”
“No, no please baby. I’m sorry. I promise I’ll get better, I can fix this we
can fix this.”
“No we can’t.”
“Fine. Then give me something to go off on, you can’t just rip me off.”
“No.”
“Tell me you dealer at least!” She pleaded desperately.
“Goodbye, Hitch.” The phone disconnected.
“No, no, no, no, no. No!” Tears collected in her eyes.
How dare he? How could he do this to her? She gave him everything, everything
she had and he left. He left and took away what she needed most in the world.
Probably made profit off of it too. It was her money, her coke.
Her coke. Her coke. Her coke.
She yelled in exasperation and threw her phone at the wall. “Fuck.”
A sob ripped out of her as her back hit the wall and she slid to the ground in
a pathetic heap of tears.
--
The sound of city traffic woke her up from her slumber. Her stomach churned in
hunger and craving; her skin was damp with sweat. She stumbled off of the futon
of her apartment and made her way into the closet-sized bathroom.
She turned the faucet on and splashed water in her face, relishing in the cool
feeling it left on her flesh. She gripped the sides of the sink and looked in
the mirror.
Her hair was matted in knots that ran down to her waist and there were dark
bags under her sunken eyes that held a million sleepless nights. Her cheekbones
jutted out of her face like they were trying to escape the confinements of her
skin. 
She patted her head and inspected the knots. There was no way to brush through
them, so there was only one option left. She rummaged through the drawers until
she found a pair of scissors.
She held her hair in one hand and the scissors in the other and started going
at it until she stood in the middle of a pile of limp dead hair.
It cut right above her jaw; a length she had never tried out before.
A sharp knock snapped her out of her reverie.
She stumbled across the room to the door. She reached for the door knob before
she stopped and stepped back.
No one came around her place without calling first.
She looked through the peep hole. Outside stood a lean man in a suit and tie.
She stepped away from the door in unease. 
Why would a guy like that come to a place like this? And why to Hitch’s
specifically?
There was another impatient knock causing Hitch to open the door without a
second thought.
The man smiled as if he was almost surprised there was anybody home.
“Hello Ms. Dreyse. My names Nile Dok and I was wondering if I could offer you a
position at my company.”
--
“Don’t be so nervous, you’ll just make it worse for yourself.”
Hitch glared at the silver haired boy in irritation. “Don’t be nervous”.What
kind of fucked up advice is that; of course she was nervous. This was the first
time she was handling drugs since being clean; albeit, it was for completely
different purposes this time around. Still, the thought of the cool texture of
a package beneath her fingertips made her hands twitch slightly.
“Shut up. That’s easy for you to say,” she huffed, completely disregarding her
usual detached façade.
Boris’s eyes wrinkled at the corners much like they would when someone smiles
too big for their face to handle, except he wasn’t even smiling. “Just do
everything you were taught.” He opened the car door for Hitch and was about to
close it before he paused. “You’ll do fine.” His lips curved slightly and he
had a look on his face that seemed out of place: affection.
Hitch could feel the heat rising to her face as she nodded and closed the door.
--
The entire ride Hitch’s fingers where tapping along the steering wheel to the
tune of her heightened nerves.
There were so many things that could go wrong on this trade and this time she
was on her own. She was constantly looking in the rear-view mirror in paranoia
that someone would be following her. She made a couple of detours around the
area to make sure there weren’t any cops near on duty. There weren’t so she had
no choice but to follow through with the plan.
She pulled into an empty lot and drove into the opening of a building. Inside
there was another car. Her fingers curled around the steering wheel as she
watched two men walk out of the car, both carrying firearm.  She shook her head
once she remembered that she too was armed. 
She took a deep breath and did her best to collect herself.
Stepping out of the car she walked halfway to meet the two men.
One of them chuckled. “So you’re the pretty little thing we’ve been hearing so
much about.” Hitch gritted her teeth in annoyance.
The other one grinned. “Be careful, Art. If she leaves here pissed, Nile might
just gut us.”
Hitch smiled sweetly. “Silly boys, why would you wait for Nile when I can
deliver the same quicker?”   
The two men laughed at that and nodded at Hitch as if they had taken a liking
to her.
“K’ pretty doll, let’s get to business.” Thank god.Hitch moved to the car and
started dismantling the extra wheel on the back revealing the spiral of
packaging that ringed the inside of it. She did the same to the rest of the
wheels and then walked to passenger door and swung it open. She kneeled inside
and tapped the roof with her knuckles, searching for the hollow sound. Once she
found it she peeled back the material and out came dozens of thin white
packages.
She stepped back and leaned on the car, a smug grin on her face. One of the men
let out a low whistle in astonishment.
“Whose idea was this?”
“Mine,” replied Hitch complacently. The men gave her an approving look before
they collected all the packages and loaded them into their car. The one that
she recalled being called Art handed her a black briefcase, and with that Hitch
had successfully completed her first drug trade.
--
Hitch looked down at the sandwich in front of her—if you could call it a
sandwich. She had never seen such a pretty sandwich; how could sandwiches even
be pretty?
There was a low chuckle from across the table and Hitch realized she had
actually voiced her thoughts. Her face burned bright.
“I’m glad you are satisfied with the food.” Nile leaned back into the booth.
They began to eat in silence which soon bored Hitch into asking questions.
She started with the basics. “How old are you?”
“42.” Nile replied instantly.
“You have a family? Wife and kids the whole shabam?”
Nile fiddled with the cuffs on his sleeves. “Yes.” He seemed more reluctant to
answer this time.
“How long have you been doing this,” Hitch waved her hands around to try and
get her point across.
Nile smiled. “Since I was around your age.”
“So 19? Does that mean you didn’t go to college?” Hitch tilted her head
comically. She had always assumed Nile had gone to college. Maybe it was
because he held that prestigious aura.
Nile shook his head. “Why are you so curious all of the sudden?”
Hitch shrugged. “Guess I just don’t know you that well.”
Nile pushed his plate towards Hitch. She had already finished her own and was
still hungry.
“What do you want to know?”
 Hitch bit into the leftover of Nile’s food and contemplated thoroughly what
she would ask.
“How’d you become…top dog of this place?” Hitch struggled to find the correct
words which only served to amuse Nile.
Nile smiled at Hitch—his beady eyes staring straight through her. “Well, as you
know I never attended university. That was because my father immediately
recruited me into Trost; had groomed me for the position from a young age.”
Nile had drifted off in thought so Hitch decided to coax him into continuing.
“He wanted you to replace him? Like an heir?”
Nile pressed his lips into a thin line. “Not exactly. My father never wanted me
to replace him; he wanted someone to fall back on, someone he could trust, if
things went—
“—to shit,” Hitch finished for him. Nile’s eyes flicked upward; he didn’t look
too happy for Hitch to interrupt him. Oh god he’s that type of guy.
“Yes…anyway, I was more useful to him as a puppet, someone he could easily
control,” Nile sipped at his coffee, “He was wrong.”
Hitch shot him a confused look and waited for him to further explain.
“There is only one way to gain this position, Hitch.”
Hitch leaned forward and Nile leaned back.
“To eliminate whoever you must replace.”
--
Hitch plopped down into a recliner and opened the book she had picked randomly
from Nile’s shelf. She had been spending an awful lot of time with him. She
told herself it was because he took a liking to her and wanted to help—that he
pitied her or something, but she couldn’t deny the lingering touches or stares
he left.
She threw her legs over the side of the chair and flipped through the pages;
her body was completely aware of every placement Nile was in whenever he moved
around the room silently.
A hand rested on her shoulder and the although there was a layer of clothing
separating the two, it felt as if some creature was crawling up her skin. She
moved quickly from underneath his touch and nonchalantly walked to the
bookshelf again.
“The book didn’t meet your expectations?”
“I’ve already read it.”
Hitch skimmed he fingers over the spines of the books, casting her attention
away from Nile.
“Do you remember what I told you about my father?”
Hitch hummed. “That you killed him?”
There was a pause before Nile let out the fakest laugh Hitch had ever heard.
“Yes.”
“What about it?”
Hitch’s roaming hand stilled on the wooden shelf as she heard the familiar
sounds of Nile’s shoes connecting with the floor. A hand snaked around her
waist, making her instinctually clench her abdomen.
Her breath tethered to the back of her throat as he leaned into to her.
“There are other ways to gain power,” his breath was hot and damp on her temple
making her want to squirm out of his grasp but she forced herself to stay
still.
She knew exactly the methods he spoke of, and if that’s what she had to do in
order to satisfy her megalomaniac self then done it shall be.
--
Hitch systematically typed information into her phone and then pocketed the
device. She turned to walk back into the Network, but was blocked by a very
bothersome existence.
Boris locked eyes with her. “Are you okay?”
Hitch looked around him as if he was an obstacle and then gave him a queer
look. “What? Yes, of course get out of the way.”
Boris raised an eyebrow—probably from her defying her superior. “Hitch,” he
gripped both of her arms to stabilize her. “You’ve been out of it lately.”
Hitch gave him a stare one that was hard to decipher but it was enough for him
to let her go.
She pushed passed him and into the familiar building. She walked by the
secretary giving her a quick glance before walking up the stairs and past
another set of doors. She was about to walk into Nile’s office when a hand was
pushed in front of her.
Hitch glared at the thingthat the appendage was attached to. She stepped back
and gave him her most plastered smile.
“Is there something wrong?”
The stoic man dropped his arm. “Mr. Dok has requested a new security system.
Un-identified people, members of Trost or not, are not allowed behind these
doors.”
Hitch scoffed. “Why? He’s paranoid someone’s going to steal his book
collection?”
There was a hint of amusement on the man’s face before it was quickly replaced
with a mask of solemnity. “Scan your print.”
Hitch stepped towards the contraption and scanned her thumb. When the machine
beeped the man steeped away from the door to let her through.
“Bye-bye doorman,” Hitch quickly patted the man’s back roughly and skipped into
the office before he could retaliate.
The room was empty and a sense of relief flooded through her. She quickly made
her way to the desk and logged on to the computer. She had been stuck in that
room so many times that she had already memorized the movement of his fingers
on the keypad by the second day. She checked his email: two new emails.
She clicked on the last one; it was the record of her fingerprint. “Won’t be
needing that,” she deleted the email and refreshed the page.
1 new message—Finger scan of Trost employee, Boris…
“Won’t need what?”
Hitch jumped in place and cursed under breath. “You want to give me a heart
attack while you’re at it?”
Boris didn’t answer. Hitch leaned against the desk much like Nile would when he
was exasperated with her and looked at Boris squarely.
Boris leaned against the doorway. “You haven’t been the same recently.” He
didn’t even mention catching Hitch snooping around Nile’s office.
“You’re still on about that?” Hitch plopped herself in the armchair like she
always did and waited for Boris to leave or at least sit down. He didn’t do
either. Hitch laid back and let out an annoyed yowl.
“Hitch if something’s wrong I want you to tell me.”
Hitch’s head shot up to glare at the silver-haired boy. “Nothing’s wrong and if
they were then why would I tell you?” Boris chewed at his lower lip something
Hitch had never seen him do.
“Because I care about you.”
Hitch chortled loudly. “As if anyone cares about me!”
Boris knitted his eyebrows together. “Oh, really? What about Nile? He seems to
be quite infatuated with you.”
Hitch raised her eyebrows in surprise. “That sick bastard just wants to fuck
me.”
Boris’s face blanked. “Did he do something to you? Did he touch you?” And
suddenly the prodding boy was in her face examining her bruised arms.
Hitch yanked her arms away once she saw the dark look on Boris’s face. There
was a pregnant pause.
“He did, didn’t he?” It was barely a whisper, but it made Hitch want to yank
her heart out of her chest.
“Hitch—
“So what?! Why do you care?!” Hitch screamed in fury.
“Because I care about you!” Boris yelled back.
Hitch scowled and got up to walk around the chair. “It doesn’t matter anyway.
Not as long as I get what I want.”
“And what’s that? What’s worth letting him-letting him rape you?!”
Hitch skimmed her fingers over the back of the chair. “Power.”
She didn’t need to look at Boris to see the disgust on his face. “Is it worth
it?”
Hitch looked up at him in all honesty. “Yes.”
--
The college was small and simply irritating to Hitch. She moved through the
crowds and tried to find a corner that was empty and vacant. Eventually she
did. She sat down and rubbed at her eyes.
Why was she here?
Oh, yes because of Nile. He thought it would be a good idea to have someone
recruiting and selling at the local college. She just so happened to fit the
college student profile.
“First day?”
Hitch turned her head to the voice. There on the other side of the empty
hallway was a boy with long black hair and black jeans. It seemed odd: the
attire, considering it was close to summer. He was smoking, letting the smoke
accumulate near a vent, but he looked like he needed more than just a cigarette
to satisfy his hunger.
“You want a hit?” She asked pulling out a small bag.
He had a calculating look on his face before he smirked and nodded.
“Name’s Hitch. Yours?”
He glanced at her. “Levi.”
--
Hitch sighed and threw her jacket on her couch. She didn’t even bother turning
the lights on before she collapsed on the futon and dug her phone out of her
pocket.
2 new messages.
Boris[9:34pm]:Can I talk to you? I’m really sorry abou…
Nile[7:56pm]:Come to my office tonight.
She squinted at the messages and hit the call button.
“Hitch?”
“Hi.”
There was a relieved sigh. “Can I talk to you in person?”
“Yes.”
Hitch exchanged her address with Boris and waited for him to arrive.
She had never felt so exhausted in her life. Between the constant dealings,
appointments, and late-night meetings with Nile she hadn’t had time alone. She
wasn’t sure she wanted any. Now all the waves of sadness and anger were coming
in tsunamis and she wanted nothing more than to crawl into a ball and die.
She had wanted this. She had wanted this power, this position, this life. 
She had wanted it.
Did she?
“Is it worth it?”
“What’s worth letting him-letting him rape you?!”
“Is it worth it?”
Was it?
“You know you want this.”
Hitch gasped in pain. Tears welled in her eyes. “P-please sto..plea-se stop.”
Agony shot up her spine as she felt her insides stabbed, her walls stretched,
the muscle torn. A scream ripped out of her as she felt the trickles of blood
seep down her thighs.
“You asked for this.”
“You wanted this.”
There was a loud knock and it took another even louder one for Hitch to realize
someone was at the door. She got up and wiped her wet eyes before she opened
the door.
Boris stood there. His silver-white hair was disheveled as if he had stumbled
out of bed; it was almost midnight.
Hitch stared at him for a long time before he opened his mouth to speak. “Hitch
I’m so sorry tha—
Hitch pulled him into a kiss, their teeth clinking together from the rough
impact. It took Boris a second to reciprocate the kiss. He placed his timed
hands at the small of her back and pulled her into a hug. Hitch gasped out of
the kiss.
Boris was hugging her.
The feeling of being held in safe arms was too much for her to handle; the
tidal waves were too strong for the dam to hold back.
She grasped at the back of his shirt and sobbed into his shoulder.
She never wanted him to let go—to have to step out of his embrace, and she
didn’t. That night she slept in his warmth happy for once.
--
A week later Hitch finally dragged herself back into the Trost building. A yawn
ripped out of her as she opened the glass door. She should’ve had stronger
coffee this morning; what she had would not be enough to propel her through the
day.
She was about to pass the front desk when the secretary stood up abruptly.
“Ms. Dreyse,” Hitch looked over at her in shock. The secretary wore a sad face.
“I’m so sorry for your loss.”
Hitch knitted her in confusion. “What?”
The secretary’s eyes widened. “You didn’t hear?” She frowned deeply. “Boris
Feulner passed away last night.”
--
Hitch ran down the hall, running faster than she had in the longest time.
Agony coursed through her chest making it difficult for her to hold back the
sobs.
She knew who was responsible for this and she was going to make him pay.
She ran past the doorman and completely disregarded the new security system.
She threw the doors open and stomped inside the office.
Nile looked up from his computer and smiled at Hitch. “To what do I owe the
pleasure?”
Hitch heaved angrily. “You killed him didn’t you?”
Nile cocked his head to the side comically. “I’m not sure what you speak of.”
“Boris! You murdered Boris!”
“Ah, him,” Nile crossed his legs. “Mr. Feulner was getting to comfortable with
his co-workers here.”
“You killed him because you were…jealous??!” Hitch clenched her hands into
fists.
Nile chuckled slightly. “Why would I be jealous, little girl? I already own
you.”
Hitch gaped in disbelief. She didn’t know what to do or what to say. She had no
plan when she came in here; she could do nothing.
It all felt too surreal, as if her world and everything she knew was collapsing
down around her.
“Why would you care so much about a vermin anyway?” Hitch could hear the smile
in Nile’s voice.
She looked up at him and locked eyes. “Because I love him.”
Nile’s face shifted and then he pressed the button on the intercom. “Get this
girl out of my office, now.”
It took about another minute before Hitch was being pulled out of the room
shrieking.
“How could you?! How could you do this to me- to him? I love him! I love him!”
Tears ran down her wet cheeks. Nile got up and followed them across the room as
Hitch did her best to kick and scratch her way out of the iron grips of the
security men.
She growled like a wild animal once they were outside the office.
Nile smiled at her as he closed the doors to his office. “Past tense, darling.
Loved—you loved the dead boy.”
--
Hitch balanced herself on the curb of the sidewalk. She wondered if the wind
was strong enough to blow here away. She wished it was.
“Hitch!”
She turned around. Boris.
But it wasn’t him. It was Levi, the boy from college.
“Hey,” he smiled at her. She tried her best to smile back but they both knew it
wasn’t real.
“Are you going inside too?” He motioned to the movie theater.
Hitch shook her head and then for a moment she thought he might ask her to go
with him anyway but then he was tugged along by someone else.
“Oh, this is my girlfriend Petra and my sister Isabel.” Hitch stared at the
honey haired woman then the green eyed girl that clutched to Levi. Hitch felt
her heart clench painfully.
She had nothing; she had no one—unlike him. She didn’t even have him;she was
just his dealer. But Levi had a sister probably a loving family too, and a
pretty girlfriend. He had a good happy life, aside from his addiction. He had
the life she always wanted.
“This is my friend Hitch.” Levi introduced her.
“Are you going to watch, Blackwater, too?” The green eyed girl asked excitedly.
Hitch blinked. “No.” She looked at Levi, “I should go.” Then she turned around
and continued to walk on the curb wondering if the wind was strong enough to
blow her away.
--
Hitch:
Meet me at your office in an hour.
Hitch pulled a long jacket over her lingerie and stepped into long sleek black
heels. She looked at herself in the mirror.
She took a deep breath. “You can do this,” she told herself.
I can do this.
She took one more glance at herself before she slipped the vile in her pocket
and walked out of her apartment.
--
When Nile arrived to his office Hitch was already sitting in his chair waiting.
She had her legs crossed and her jacket open revealing her black, laced
underwear underneath, and two glasses of scotch layed before her.
She smiled at Nile taking pride in the effect she already had on him.
Nile walked over to her and was about to lean down to kiss her when Hitch
pressed her heel to his chest restricting him from coming any closer.
“We’re going to talk first.” Nile’s jaw tensed but he stepped away and sat
across from her.
He leaned back in his chair like he always did. “I have to say you do look good
in that chair.”
Hitch smiled wickedly. “Really? I think so too.” She handed his drink to him
and took her own.
He took a sip before he licked his lips. “What did you wish to speak of?”
Hitch opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted. “Make it quick.”
She gritted her teeth, but smiled anyway. Nile set down his drink, already half
empty.
“There’s something you told me that I’ll never forget.”
Nile cocked his head and waited for her to elaborate.
“It was when I had just joined and we went to that diner—you remember?” She
leaned into the desk chair. “And you were telling me all these things about
yourself like how you’re married and have kids.”
She brought the drink to her lips and smiled as Nile coughed lightly into his
hand, his face beginning to turn red.
“You said“There is only one way to gain this position: to eliminate whoever you
must replace”.And it took me a while to understand why anyone would want to do
such a thing just to be in charge of this place and then I realized: it’s all
about the power. That’s when I fully understood what you meant.”
Nile continued to cough spraying bright red all over his hands and the white
desk. Blood trickled down his cheeks in the form of tears. He fell out of his
chair, “Y-you drug-ged me…”
Hitch laughed. “No of course not, Nile. I would never kill you. I am only being
promoted.”
Chapter End Notes
     mmk lets discuss this for a momento: Boris, my baby, is an actual
     existent snk character- yeah he's in Annie's and Hitch's squad and
     most importantly he haS WHITE HAIR why aren't we freaking out about
     this? Where is he even in the show? Probably dead considering he has
     white hair. Anyhow, I wanted to show that Hitch isn't completely 1
     dimensional and pure evil [but that opinion may change in the future]
     ok.
     Don't forget to check out the extra chapter I wrote for Eren and Levi
     on my page :)
Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed
their work!
